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Original poster

DH smashed DS's phone

999 replies

thiscountryfan · 30/06/2019 20:12

So yesterday I walked in to the mother of all rows between DH and DS (14).

DS was screaming and raging at DH for stamping on his phone and more than likely fatally damaging it. According to DH, he had discovered DS had been stealing his beers (not for the 1st time), then lied about it, then smirked in DH's face when busted. DH just lost his shit at that point and grabbed the phone (possibly the only item that DS cares about).

DH has since apologised to DS and accepts
It wasn't his finest hour but point blank refuses to pay for replacement/repair - saying he is sick of DS's selfish rude attitude of late and that he needs to learn a lesson.

I'm torn. I certainly don't agree with what DH did (and he knows it) but quite frankly DS has been so utterly horrendous and perhaps needs to
Understand that parents are human too.

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2019 12:23

“No parent ever in this world has not shown anger towards their child....“

I’ve shown anger to my children lots of times. Sometimes more than I should. I have never stamped in a piece of their property.

mummmy2017 · 03/07/2019 12:31

I am trying to point out that..

Taking something off a small child can result in a tantrum, and be regarded by them as you being violent......

sacope · 03/07/2019 12:33

Please give times dates and photo evidence of the dad's past and future actions of anger to the child

Eh? Why? No clue what your point is here at all

I am calling everyone of you a liar...
You have shown anger to your child.

And I am calling you an idiot. Nobody is saying they have never been angry at their child. But smashing up the child's phone in a fit of rage crosses a massive fucking line.

I'm truly sorry you are a minimising enablist.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

14 year olds Families

Pumperthepumper · 03/07/2019 12:33

Taking something off a small child can result in a tantrum, and be regarded by them as you being violent......

How can it?

SpinsterOfArts · 03/07/2019 12:35

Yes, and the other difference is that a good parent, having lost their temper and shown too much anger, would regret it and make amends, not think 'it served him right for smirking though' or 'I was wrong but adults should never back down so I won't apologise' or any of the other crappy 'team DH' sentiments expressed in this thread.

I'm a person who very rarely gets angry. When I was 14, I was looking after my sister and she kept trying to wind me up about something I was really sensitive about at the time. Eventually I lost it and slapped her on the leg. Nasty, violent thing to do. Minutes later, I felt incredibly guilty and apologised to her. It didn't mean that the things she had said to me were okay, but I immediately recognised that as the older, responsible person, I should never have let my anger cloud my rational judgement. And I was 14. Adults really should know better.

mummmy2017 · 03/07/2019 12:36

As the nursery school staff.

One child went into school once crying hi s eyes out.... Mummy smacked me. He was screaming ..turned out he fell down and had mud on his bum.....

U2HasTheEdge · 03/07/2019 12:50

I find it really concerning and sad that there are so many people who think dad's reaction was ok, some to the extent that they think he's hero worthy.

Dad lost his shit. He lost control,. All this 'team dh' stuff is pathetic. This is a 14 year old child, who has had his property damaged by a man he is meant to feel safe around and trust.

I know how hard teens can be. They do drive you to distraction at times. I have lost my temper , but never to the point I damage their stuff or act violently in front of them.

Humans do fuck up but he needs to put it right and replace his phone.

He is a teen, they push boundaries and sometimes they are bloody rude. You don't teach them anything by damaging their stuff and then not replacing it. Breaking a phone is not equal to taking £5 worth of beer.

BTW allowing teens to drink at home doesn't teach them how to drink responsibly. Drinking with a parent at home does not lower the risk of them partaking in high risk drinking behaviours. I have no problem with giving teens the odd drink, but it is no longer thought to be particularly helpful.

www.karger.com/Article/FullText/381673

sacope · 03/07/2019 12:51

@mummmy2017

What is your point?

A kid went into nursery..... so what?

I don't get it at all.

Lweji · 03/07/2019 12:51

You have shown anger to your child.
When you took their tea away as they were making a mess...
When you made your child put a toy back...

Parents can do those things in anger, but they are reasonable actions and consequences of behaviour.
Unlike smashing a phone.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/07/2019 12:53

Mummy17, how much violence have you shown your children? Are you going on and on like this because, deep down, you know you have been cruel to your DC in the past, because you're bigger and stronger than them, and that they now want as little to do with you as possible?

ReanimatedSGB · 03/07/2019 12:54

Also, taking food from a child by way of a punishment is disgusting.

diavlo · 03/07/2019 13:02

I have huge sympathy for you DH and can see how this happened, having been pushed to breaking point by my DS.

I do think the responses would have been a lots more understanding if it was a mum who had lost the plot...

sacope · 03/07/2019 13:03

I do think the responses would have been a lots more understanding if it was a mum who had lost the plot...

Not from me they wouldn't. A vagina doesn't excuse violence.

raskolnikova · 03/07/2019 13:04

As the nursery school staff.
One child went into school once crying hi s eyes out.... Mummy smacked me. He was screaming ..turned out he fell down and had mud on his bum.....

mummmy2017 · 03/07/2019 13:10

Strange I thought your determination to never accept a parent makes a mistake leads me to think your children are not good just scared to misbehave. .
Cleaning mud of a small child was seen as the child as smacking.

Great I disagree with you so now I Might be violent. Way to go FOCUS.

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2019 13:19

It’s extraordinary how we minimise and legitimise quite extreme behaviour. It’s like the “I don’t smack- I tap” line. But @I am struggling to find any link between a child overdramatising having mud brushed off his clothes -I can see one of mine doing that- and taking a teenager’s phone and stamping on it.

sacope · 03/07/2019 13:22

@mummmy2017

If only you could read your posts the way the rest of us are. I'm somewhat embarrassed for you.

Apart from the fact you did even explain the mud/nursery situation it bears no similarity to the discussion about this man smashing his sons phone.

DecomposingComposers · 03/07/2019 13:24

I’ve shown anger to my children lots of times. Sometimes more than I should. I have never stamped in a piece of their property.

You realise that many posters here would label you abusive - clearly you can't control your temper, who knows what it will lead to etc etc.

Shouting, getting angry, breaking an object - all part of the same spectrum and, I would say, has probably happened to most of us at one time.

sacope · 03/07/2019 13:28

*didnt even explain

mummmy2017 · 03/07/2019 13:32

And I am embarrassed at how you can not see the son started this, stole from his dad, would it be more acceptable if the son had stolen money not food...
Your dogmatic views that there is only black and white, no gray is what i find hard to accept...
Also belittling me just proves you know i have a point .. but resort to trying to put me down in a bullying way..

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2019 13:36

“And I am embarrassed at how you can not see the son started this, stole from his dad, would it be more acceptable if the son had stolen money not food...”
The son may well have been being a brat, and may well have deserved to be sanctioned in some way. It is never acceptable to smash something in anger.

Seahorseshoe · 03/07/2019 13:38

I'm with your DH on this one, especially if DS's behaviour is getting worse.

It's easy for folk to have an opinion but they weren't there. Having someone sneering in your face would test the best of us.

Good luck op - they do get better, honest. My middle DS would've tested the patience of a saint. We have always had a close bond, and everybody has always loved the bones of him. But when things were going wrong for him, his behaviour would ramp up at home (be an angel elsewhere mind), we had some right ding dongs throughout his teenage years. He's 23 now and back to being a normal, rational human being.

Hang on in there!!

AtlasObscura · 03/07/2019 13:38

Work on everyone’s ability to manage anger and stress and start putting some rules and order into your highly aggressive and stressed home.

Why is this the OP's responsibility? She is not responsible for managing her husbands relationship with her son or vice versa.

They are.

mummmy2017 · 03/07/2019 13:38

One day when you make an error in judgement in the heat of anger, I hope someone with more sympathy than you is your judge

sacope · 03/07/2019 13:39

And I am embarrassed at how you can not see the son started this,

You say that as if the parties involved were on an equal footing. They are not.

The son didn't 'start it' whatsoever the son did or said he absolutely did not cause the father to smash his phone. The father is the only person accountable for his actions. I pity you and any children you may have. You have no idea how to protect yourself; or them.

Also belittling me just proves you know i have a point .. but resort to trying to put me down in a bullying way..

I'm not belittling you. You called everyone liars. I called you an idiot. Based on your posts that's isn't wrong.

As for the bullying accusation, fuck off. Fuck right off. Having a different opinion to someone and throwing that back and forth is not fucking bullying.

I would suggest you may be very young and inexperienced and have quite a bit of life experience still to gain. It's just a shame you are in a position where you blame violent acts on the receiver. That's won't serve you well through live.

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