DH smashed DS's phone

[thiscountryfan]

So yesterday I walked in to the mother of all rows between DH and DS (14).

DS was screaming and raging at DH for stamping on his phone and more than likely fatally damaging it. According to DH, he had discovered DS had been stealing his beers (not for the 1st time), then lied about it, then smirked in DH's face when busted. DH just lost his shit at that point and grabbed the phone (possibly the only item that DS cares about).

DH has since apologised to DS and accepts
It wasn't his finest hour but point blank refuses to pay for replacement/repair - saying he is sick of DS's selfish rude attitude of late and that he needs to learn a lesson.

I'm torn. I certainly don't agree with what DH did (and he knows it) but quite frankly DS has been so utterly horrendous and perhaps needs to
Understand that parents are human too.

A parent losing their temper and breaking a DC's phone is not on the slippery slope to 'smashing them in their face'

Are you serious? You really don't know that in thousands of homes, this is EXACTLY the kind of thing that triggers/lays the groundwork for escalating violence?

Do you think that the first sign of 'real' violence is someone being punched or having their nose broken?

I can't believe what I'm reading.

Neither can I .

No you’re wrong.
Please go and educate yourself.
Otherwise you’re a hazard to women.

I'm wondering how many posters currently have 14 or 15 year olds atm.

I'm not condoning Dh's smashing.

But if disrespectful behaviour goes on and on, snarky and a bit gobby, lack of respect, loss of phone before .... not having the desired affect.
And then repeated tellings off with nothing seeming to sink in.

Mention of bear stealing before. Lack of respect.
And then the smirking .....

That final smirk would get RIGHT on my nerves!

I do, I have a couple.
The behaviour would have really pissed me off.
But you have to show some restraint.
Confiscating the phone for a while ,fine.
Downgrading to the help the aged model. Fine.
Smashing it? Violent.

Or maybe we just have different opinions

No. You are wrong. Seriously. Educate yourself.

You do a disservice to anyone who has experienced DV when you liken this incident to dv

Can you point to my post that you're referencing here?

x-post with flamingle

I'm wondering how many posters currently have 14 or 15 year olds atm.

I don't. But I don't need to have a 14/15 year old to know what the DH did is wrong 🤷‍♀️

I have 2 that have past the 14/15 stage and DH and I managed to parent them without smashing any of their stuff in a rage.

I think she’s referring to my posts.
Which I stand by, wholeheartedly.

My eldest is nearly 15

Well he does now.

I am educated thanks

Not on this subject. Your posts reveal that loud and clear. You're doubling down on your own ignorance. But crack on.

A CD and a book aren’t a £500 iPhone.

Who paid for the phone? Surely if it's the husband paying for it then the phone belongs to him?

OP has a 14 yo who is stealing beer and is possibly an alcoholic. A smashed phone should be the least of her worries. If I were in the DP’s position I would be taking away pocket money and performing searches of his room too.

Yes that’s a line that lots of abusers use.
I paid for it, so now I’ll smash it.

Right, moving forward what to do about the phone?

DH replaces like for like?
DH buys basic Nokia type and DS has to do chores to pay for a replacement smart phone?
They go 50/50 on a replacement.

It's only right DH makes amends but there also needs to be consequences for DS breaking boundaries and being disrespectful.

It's only right DH makes amends but there also needs to be consequences for DS breaking boundaries and being disrespectful

DH replaces like for like.
DS replaces (or the monetary value) of the beer he drunk.
DS is grounded.

I suggest the basic Nokia. Your DS is definitely in the wrong

Yes that’s a line that lots of abusers use.
I paid for it, so now I’ll smash it.

So would you think it ok had the phone been confiscated then?

But it clearly isn't ok for a husband to confiscate his wife's phone is it? So I'm not understanding these parallels at all. It isn't right for an adult to punish or discipline another adult and yet that's what we do to our children.

DH replaces like for like.

And then it's confiscated as punishment for the stealing, lying, under age drinking and disrespectful attitude.

Minimal amount of beer taken, would t even come to more than a fiver in total. It was more the general principle of taking alcohol when he'd been explicitly told not to.

Not sure grounding would make much difference