Only one not to get invited out last night, feeling sad.

[blogsbunny]

This sounds childish but I'm still feeling down this morning after yesterday and wanted to vent! Group of ladies where I work, we all have nights out/planned activities together and a facebook group where we plan/keep in touch. Yesterday as work I heard one of them mentioning to another about having posted in the group about the entry fee for tonight or something similar. Nothing had been posted in the group for a week or two so thought nothing of it.

Fast forward to closing time, everyone in the group left at the same time together. One of my (male) colleagues asked why I wasn't going out on "girls night" with them. Apparently even he had heard all about it but I hadn't - i assume they must've made a new group without me to discuss things. And sadly I got loads of notifications through in the early hours of this morning to the group I'm still in (presumably posting in the wrong group) about them all getting home safely, sharing selfies and thanking everyone for a good night!

This sounds very petty and silly. I know I'm a grown up but right now I just feel a bit left out. No idea why i wasn't invited as I thought I get on well with everyone. Had a shit week anyway (unbeknown to them) so would've appreciated some fun!
Does anyone have tips for no longer feeling blue and coping with feeling like you're back in secondary school all over again?

Sorry no tips but that is horrible. Have you had any disagreements with any of them? Was it something you would have enjoyed?

You're not being silly, I'd be really upset too. Could you maybe start planning a night out with friends you have outside of work? It will give you something to look forward too.

Of course you feel upset! They have been a bunch of mean girls. I’d probably write something like ‘ I guess my invite got ‘lost in the post’ 😉’ . And then try to tell yourself they are clearly not nice people and not worth being friends with.

You are not being silly or petty. I'd be very hurt by this too. People can be so bloody cruel. Think I'd have to ask why I wasn't included, and then look for a new job.

Yes I would ask the person you get on with the best what’s going on. Sucks to be treated like that, hope you’re ok.

Aww that's awful. Is there any way it could have been a mistake?

I'd also go down the personal message route or actually I think I'd call one or two of them (so they haven't time to concoct an excuse and cover story)and just be honest saying you are upset and could they be honest and ask why you weren't invited. The on- the-spot response should tell you a lot. Hopefully it was an oversight but you are best off knowing or you will just spend the weekend ruminating.

I would raise it with them,
what did i miss? kind of question in the group

That's really shitty, sorry. If you feel up to it I would ask them what happened.

It doesn’t sound like a mistake at all! Sounds very deliberate. People can be so cruel.

Call the one you’re closest to and ask. How hurtful.

God that's awful, what a bunch of cows.

I think a lot of women, myself included have been in your position at least once sometime in our lives and yes it stings like hell.

Ergh, horrible behaviour. I would post on the old group and say something like, looks like you had fun, I would have loved to be part of it xxx

Do ask. Ask for honesty

Agree. Especially since they're now posting on the thread you're part of.
It could be something like they set up a chat to discuss a birthday gift for you and then plans were made on there by accident.

What Ballsdeep said.

‘Wow, looks like you had a lovely time ladies 💃🏻😁’

And find some kinder freinds.

How can it be an innocent mistake if all the other women obviously had another chat group where they made the arrangements, deliberately leaving out the OP?? Honestly some people are deliberately misunderstanding the thread.

OP that is truly shit. Of course you'd feel bad, we all would in this situation! Personally I would leave the group chat and not really consider them friends. They should be the ones feeling mortified and apologetic. Cows.

If that chag already existed, eg to discuss a birthday present for her. Unlikely I know but possible. I've done similar, posting to my friends on the wrong chat group where we've set up a separate one. It's never mattered in my case.

Just message on the group 'Did I miss something?'

I appreciate all of your messages. The validation that it is ok to feel upset or left out in this situation, even though it's not the end of the world and not the biggest of deals is really comforting!

I guess my only thought is that if the group chat was a mistake (which I understand it could easily be), I was in the office with them all week. I share a desk with three of them, I was working with them all day yesterday, and I was still working at my desk when they left together. So if they had thought I was in the group or something, they would've talked to me about the night out instead of not saying a word about it to me.

I baked a cake and brought it into work on wednesday for the team. Maybe it was awful and that lost me the invite

Do you have settings on your Facebook so that you can’t be added to a group?

It can’t be to discuss a nice surprise. They’d be well aware that you felt left out and concerned and they’d say something to reassure you. Speaking from experience, just get out now.

That is truly shit OP, what a bitchy thing for them to do. Tbh I probably wouldn’t want them to know I cared so I’d just remove myself from the group and be polite but formal with them at work. They’ve done it now so even if they feel bad and apologise and invite you to something else, you’ll still feel uncomfortable around them and like they’re inviting you out of pity. The damage is done and can’t really be undone.

On my team we have some "strong" personalities. One of them is totally oblivious to the fact she is an opinionated pain in the arse but she is good fun on a night out. One of the others will not come if number one is coming so on the odd occasion we leave out number one to allow number two to come.
We are very discreet about it ( no social media) but one of the men on the team takes great delight in "shopping" us to number one if he finds out and then we all feel guilty. Hate office politics ! I would ask your closest colleague OP.