Only one not to get invited out last night, feeling sad.

[blogsbunny]

This sounds childish but I'm still feeling down this morning after yesterday and wanted to vent! Group of ladies where I work, we all have nights out/planned activities together and a facebook group where we plan/keep in touch. Yesterday as work I heard one of them mentioning to another about having posted in the group about the entry fee for tonight or something similar. Nothing had been posted in the group for a week or two so thought nothing of it.

Fast forward to closing time, everyone in the group left at the same time together. One of my (male) colleagues asked why I wasn't going out on "girls night" with them. Apparently even he had heard all about it but I hadn't - i assume they must've made a new group without me to discuss things. And sadly I got loads of notifications through in the early hours of this morning to the group I'm still in (presumably posting in the wrong group) about them all getting home safely, sharing selfies and thanking everyone for a good night!

This sounds very petty and silly. I know I'm a grown up but right now I just feel a bit left out. No idea why i wasn't invited as I thought I get on well with everyone. Had a shit week anyway (unbeknown to them) so would've appreciated some fun!
Does anyone have tips for no longer feeling blue and coping with feeling like you're back in secondary school all over again?

I think it could well be something to do with this woman, OP.

Is there one of the group that you can trust and ask?

There's nothing you can do, but I can see why it's hurtful. I would just leave the group and stop baking for them. It's a shitty thing to do.

If any of them are actually your friends, they will be embarrassed on Monday and come and check on you. Don't ask. It looks desperate.

I would leave the group and rise above it there not even worth it I'm so sorry they have been so horrible

I think that the horny newbie is causing this problem.

I’d talk to whomever you’re closest to about it. Whatever it is, you’ll know then.

Why is desperate to ask why you were the only one not invited? I think shitty behaviour like this needs confronting. I'd take great pleasure in watching them squirm, but maybe that's just me?

How old is the woman who's taken against you because you work closely with the man she fancies? She sounds about 14. Silly bitch.

So Op - will you ask your closest friend amongst them? Personally I couldn't leave it

I nearly messaged in the group after reading a few of these responses that it looked like they all had a fun time! But then I realised even if I'm rising above it, I don't owe it to them to say that sort of thing/go to the extra effort of being civil this weekend as clearly I was missed out for a reason. Not in a catty way but this situation made me feel hurt last night and this morning, so I decided to have a great Saturday for myself and push it to the back of my mind! There have been several more in-joke posts on the group since and I genuinely AM glad they had a good time, just wish I had the chance to have had the same.

I will bring it up with the colleague I'm closest with on Monday in person as I think it'll be easier talking face-to-face and not be left on read!

The newbie colleague is a couple of years younger than me (early 20s). For the record I'm in a very happy relationship and have no romantic interest in my male colleague!

Did you check your Facebook settings?

Look at the post CaptSkippy made on the previous page, and don't make any response to them. It looks like things are about to get nasty and you need to keep the moral high ground.

I had something similar happen. Long story short, there was a WhatsApp group at work I wasn't invited to be in, even though new people were invited in front of me. I was rarely invited out even though they talked about nights out in front of me.

I realise I was probably a pain in their backsides, looking mopey everytime it was made obvious to me I was not a welcome part of their group, but I was suffering from depression and the smallest of gestures would have meant the world to me. I found it hard to hide my feelings of disappointment and upset. Just another example of a time I've been left out of the social side of life.

It hurts, OP, and you're allowed to feel that way. Hopefully by Monday you'll have a little more perspective of last night's outing and can find the right course of action for you. Mine was to internalise but never confront, which I can say isn't the best thing to do as it eats you up.

I'm glad you made today about you, I hope your weekend is fab.

Blogsbunny - you come across as very grounded and reasonable. Am glad you resolved to have a good day today

Hold the moral high ground op. Don’t say anything to them. If it were me I would be quiet and professional for a while and try to rise above it - and find new friends

It is really hurtful isn't it.

The women I work with started whispering about when they were meeting up, how they were all getting there, what they were wearing for an evening out. By the end of the week they all just did it openly in front of me the only one not invited.

Says more about them than me as far as I am concerned.

You can keep the moral high ground and still stand up for yourself. I would at least let them know that they had a get together and that you are disappointed you were not invited.

What I would not do is stay quiet. Because that way it will only get worse. I did that in y last job and ended up hating the place so much that I left.

I can't believe that grown adults behave like this. I can't ever envisage myself organising a night out for work colleagues and deliberately excluding one person, even if I didn't like one of them because it is such a nasty, cuntish thing to do.

I had similar to this. Colleague from work got married..now I know it’s a MN thing to say ‘It’s their wedding, they can invite who they want’ and I get that, but she invited everyone who wasn’t working except me. And yes, it was hurtful. I left within a year for various reasons but that certainly contributed to me feeling like an outsider. I’m autistic and I know my social skills aren’t always brilliant but I thought colleague and I got on pretty well!

I think in your circumstance, I would hold my head high and see if it settles down (once horny colleague gets laid!).

Good idea to just ask one person on Monday, op. I'd probably just quit the group but that's not really the way to get answers

Most of us agree that they were unkind and are really not your friends. Thats a bit isolating tbh. I think since you have to work with these people, you still have to try to be happy around them. The only way you could do that is by forgiving them in your heart and trying to put this behind you. Try not to think about it anymore.
Having said that, theres also no need to be overly kind, gullible or go out of your way for such people. Don’t forget what such people are capable if the need arises. Be smart, keep your wits about you and value yourself.

Sorry op. It’s happened to me - literally photos popped up on Facebook of all my team bar one at a bbq
They’d all been told not to mention it
Really hurtful
3 yrs on I had a huge party and DIDNT invite the whole team. Just exactly who I wanted and I didn’t keep it secret. She was livid 🤷🏻‍♀️

That is such as awful situation, it's actually work place bullying and they would be in trouble if you reported them, though I personally wouldn't. I worked with a group of friends and family always felt left out, I left and told my manager in my exit interview that it wasn't a friendly work place.
I would just start looking for another job and remove myself from the group chat. Fingers crossed the newbie doesn't pass her probation period.

I get how you don't have to be friends with everyone but likewise to go out of your way to exclude someone is pretty shit and shit to be on the end if it

Sorry op

Similar happened to me a few years ago with friendship group. Pre WhatsApp etc. Someone I considered a friend (she lives directly behind me) had fallen out with her own friends so I invited her out with mine. All was great for a few months when it became apparent that I was now surplus to requirements and she was desperately courting my best friend. I sort of ignored it really but then heard everyone talking about various nights out and arranged by this woman and saying it was a shame that I was busy that night. I was never busy on those nights, I just wasn't invited.

I didn't really so anything about it, I could see that she was trying herself up in knots desperately trying to drag people away from me but they were my friends and eventually she fell out with all of them too.

It's a bit different now with social media and I think I would gently ask your closest workmate if they know why you weren't invited.

Ben you were wendied!

Absolutely @StealthPolarBear - I didn't use the term as I was royally told off for it on here a few years ago (in case I offended any posters called Wendy 😁), but that's exactly what it was!

It was pretty bad at the time made much worse by the fact that she started trying to get her children to do the same to my children. That didn't work either thankfully.

What an incredibly dense bunch to leave you off the invite group but include you in on the “after party” one. Either intentionally bitchy or stupid beyond words. I hope their jobs don’t involve being tech savvy or saving lives.

Tbh I bet they had a shit night really anyway and are just talking bollocks.