Only one not to get invited out last night, feeling sad.

[blogsbunny]

This sounds childish but I'm still feeling down this morning after yesterday and wanted to vent! Group of ladies where I work, we all have nights out/planned activities together and a facebook group where we plan/keep in touch. Yesterday as work I heard one of them mentioning to another about having posted in the group about the entry fee for tonight or something similar. Nothing had been posted in the group for a week or two so thought nothing of it.

Fast forward to closing time, everyone in the group left at the same time together. One of my (male) colleagues asked why I wasn't going out on "girls night" with them. Apparently even he had heard all about it but I hadn't - i assume they must've made a new group without me to discuss things. And sadly I got loads of notifications through in the early hours of this morning to the group I'm still in (presumably posting in the wrong group) about them all getting home safely, sharing selfies and thanking everyone for a good night!

This sounds very petty and silly. I know I'm a grown up but right now I just feel a bit left out. No idea why i wasn't invited as I thought I get on well with everyone. Had a shit week anyway (unbeknown to them) so would've appreciated some fun!
Does anyone have tips for no longer feeling blue and coping with feeling like you're back in secondary school all over again?

Freezing a somebody out is a shitty thing to do they are grown women fgs

Ah OP I've had this and it truly sucks. It says more about them than it does about you though. It does truly feel like sometimes we are still in the playground.
Offices of women can sometimes be a nest of vipers

The op is oblivious she has no idea what she has "done wrong"

She's probably not done anything wrong. Sometimes people just don't click. That doesn't make either side bad.

So you think not including somebody is fine because you have suddenly all decided we don't click is fine?

Argh too many fines

I’d be surprised if OP didn’t click with every single member of the group! Sounds unlikely. It seems more likely that one dominant person didn’t want her there and the rest went along with it. She obviously thought they got on well enough for her to bring in cake for everyone this week! Sorry but I still think it’s really off.

I think grown adults can socialise with who they please in their down time.

I don't see the obligation to include everyone in my private time based solely on the fact that we all applied to be paid by the same company.
During my very limited free time I would refuse to do anything I don't want to do.

They have treated OP well in work. They didn't run it in that they were going out. They have decided as adults that they want to continue a friendship outside of the work place.

How would you suggest OP resolve this?
She could confront them?
What would be the benefit of that? Awkwardness? An argument when they admit they went out and no she wasn't invited.
Should she involve work? They can't help.

Or she could be upset, try and shake it off. Push herself to socialise with her own friends and stay cordial and professional inside work.

I think I'd try not to take it to heart but I would feel the same. I don't think there is anything wrong with you commenting on the photos saying that it looked like a great night and that'd what X (the male colleague) was talking about yesterday. Be nice, not passive aggressive. there could be a million reasons why it was organised. Out of interest who was the first person to make a comment on the group chat? Is there any beef with her?

Well yes I agree OP shouldn’t say anything. I said that in my first post. I don’t see what it would achieve at this point. I just feel bad for her that she’s been made to feel this way. Out of our big work group there’s about 5 of us who are closer friends but if we do something alone, it’s either on a Saturday or we just meet at the venue or whatever. We couldn’t go out as a group from work leaving one person sitting there feeling shit.

Again thanks for all the comments, supportive and nice or otherwise! Good to get different perspectives.

We've all been "out" multiple times together, one of the most recent times was at my house for a bbq, I had fun and to my knowledge everyone else had a genuinely good time also. I'd like to think that my social awareness is such that I would know if people weren't enjoying my company, or that they wouldn't have come to mine last time if they secretly loathed me!

The only thing I can think of is a new staff member started about 6 weeks ago who allegedly fancies the man I work with directly and who I get on well with. She's been integrated into the group and joined the last two or so nights out we've had. She's always been a bit "off" with me but we've never spoken that much and I'm sure she's lovely really! Not sure if that has anything to do with it at all but is literally the only discrepancy I can think of, but she wasn't the one who was organising the night.

Apologies for turning this slightly into a dull thread about workplace drama that no one cares about! Unsure whether to message the group or just leave it and forget about it. It was surprisingly awkward last night when they left and other colleagues were going "ouch, why weren't you invited too?" Not a pleasant feeling at any age.

So it isn’t just you who noticed then. I’m going to revise my original comment. I think if you know them well enough that they came to your house, I would have a quiet word with the person you’re closest too in the group. I wouldn’t say anything to the whole group but maybe a quiet word with one might shed some light on the situation.

What you are describing is low-grade workplace bullying and it's not okay. Excluding one person from a social gathering is a very clear example of this. Making a separate whatsapp group is another.

You should start to keep an eye on things and document any such behavior, starting with this obvious exclusion. If this gets worse, be prepared to put in a complaint with HR.

I would also look discretely at job openings elsewhere, just to have something to fall back on if shit should hit the fan. These things, if not nipped in the bud, usually get worse.

I would also let them know they you noticed you were excluded from this event.

sorry, that's really mean of them. Any chance you were just missed out of the initial invite by mistake? Was it the mew woman who organised the night out?

I think you should say something you don't have to make a hoha just ask somebody what is going on .

Went through this constantly as a teen, but not as an adult! Sorry they've done this op :(

It’s an absolutely shit thing to have happen to you and I suspect the new member of staff has quite a bit to do with it. Maybe she’s made it clear she’s not keen, implied you don’t get on and they’ve decided to try & take turns with you both on nights out to try and keep everything friendly. Office politics can be fraught.

I think you have two options. Either you say nothing, remove yourself from the group chat and decline all future invites on the basis that you already have plans, or you hold fire and wait & see if you’re invited to the next event. If you are, then I would bet money on the new colleague being behind it. I definitely wouldn’t acknowledge having been left out. Nothing positive is going to come out of that for you.

I feel for you, horrible situation to be in. I am rarely invited to group stuff as I don't function well in groups, but would make an effort to make sure no one is excluded from work nights out.

Someone is arranging a work do at my place and it wouldn't appeal to 3/4 colleagues due to childcare issues or being non-drinkers. It's annoying because we're supposed to be a team but no discussion went into making it suitable for everyone.

Hm yes I think I would hold fire for the moment seeing as this has only happened once and not give them the satisfaction of knowing it's bothered you.

If it happens again next time then I would think about saying something then.

Ahh I'm so childish when it comes to things like this. I'd probably post 'you's seem to have got your group chats mixed up, I'm sure you all meant to post on the one I've been excluded from'. But I'm quick to let people know when I'm not happy about something they've done so if you want it to just pass quietly then say nothing.

It's shit OP. I have this at home with neighbours at the minute. No falling out as far as I was concerned just a new group and invites stopping.

They still have the cheek to ask for favours though.

The last one was could I feed 2 of their cats while they were camping. All of them were going so they were stuck. I laughed in their faces.

I've left the group's, unfriended on social media and am watching the group implode with their bitchiness. I recommend cutting them off on social media etc, it's very liberating. I've actually had a friend request again from one of them I've ignored, probably because they are going to need their kid looked after soon. Which again, I won't be doing.

That's not nice. One of friends invites other people individually to theatres gigs etc but never asks me and then I see it plastered over fakebook. Used to get bit upset. Has asked me to a few things with loads if people but its been on nights when I couldn't make it or something I didnt want to go to (and she's been a bit pushy about me going)Now I ignore it. I'd mention it quietly to a close friend at work. Maybe the person who set up the chat to arrange it left you off. See who arranged it and it might tell you why you were left off (eg someone who u get on with etc) Sending you

I hate drama but honestly don't think I'd be able to let this pass. I'd have to message my closest friend in the group if I couldn't face posting on the main group chat and just say something along the lines of"last night looked fun...any idea why I wasn't invited? I could really have done with a night out."

Don't think that sounds too needy and if you don't say anything you're just going to carry on feeling really bad about it. Sorry they were so horrible though.