Only one not to get invited out last night, feeling sad.

[blogsbunny]

This sounds childish but I'm still feeling down this morning after yesterday and wanted to vent! Group of ladies where I work, we all have nights out/planned activities together and a facebook group where we plan/keep in touch. Yesterday as work I heard one of them mentioning to another about having posted in the group about the entry fee for tonight or something similar. Nothing had been posted in the group for a week or two so thought nothing of it.

Fast forward to closing time, everyone in the group left at the same time together. One of my (male) colleagues asked why I wasn't going out on "girls night" with them. Apparently even he had heard all about it but I hadn't - i assume they must've made a new group without me to discuss things. And sadly I got loads of notifications through in the early hours of this morning to the group I'm still in (presumably posting in the wrong group) about them all getting home safely, sharing selfies and thanking everyone for a good night!

This sounds very petty and silly. I know I'm a grown up but right now I just feel a bit left out. No idea why i wasn't invited as I thought I get on well with everyone. Had a shit week anyway (unbeknown to them) so would've appreciated some fun!
Does anyone have tips for no longer feeling blue and coping with feeling like you're back in secondary school all over again?

Blimey, how mean of them! You've got every right to feel hurt and upset. Oh and you sound lovely, so it's their loss!

Trust your gut, new girl organised it.

I don't think it was a mistake... if they had intended to invite you, surely they would've noticed the lack of feedback from you while the night was being discussed and you missing when they left the office in a group. What I've learned is never to ask. Cruel as it sounds, it will only make you seem like a clingy or sensitive type ( sorry there might be a better term for this but I can't think of it). Especially as you work with them, it might make things odd. Just play it cool and keep your guard up. If you guys usually go out together quite often and there has been a drop in number of times recently, and you hear again that they have had another night out, then you know for sure.

But they do sound quite mean as posting pics of them having fun without you is like rubbing salt on wounds. I agree with someone previously suggesting one in group may not like you and could've organised the night out. Only time will tell and if you do find out that that is the case, maybe organise something with the other ladies. Even then, they should've had the sense to invite you as long as this other person wasn't paying or was their occasion.

we had something similar at work, and I have had to have very stern chats with some members of the team about bitchiness in the workplace, I can't do anything about external meetups, but I can (and do) stop people being bitchy in the workplace.

I was gonna suggest she's a Wendy

New girl is a Wendy.

Leave the group and if anyone says anything, tell them your not impressed at all but they’ve made their point. You’ve got friends outside of work who do value your presence so crack on.

Xpost 😀

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@mommydragon, I think you're right, having been in this position before and not played it in the way that would have served my ''social status'' and dignity best in the long term, I agree with you here.

If they already feel awkward then there'll be a part of them that wants an outlet for that bad feeling they have, and if you challenge them you give them an opportunity to hang it on that 'row'.

Leave them without the opportunity to diffuse.

Instead let them carry the awkwardness and the knowledge that you have devalued them

Just put ... hope none of you have a saw head after last night... On the thread.
This lets them know you know, it is not a mean comment... If you don't do it now, you can't ever really mention it again.
Then you can ask on Monday of your friend how come you didn't get an invite...

I think that if a group of my ‘friends’ did this where they put together a secret group without me to talk about a night out I wasn’t invited to and then we’re insrnsituve enough to start posting on the other group I was part of after the event I would leave the other group. The posting about it afterwards is no accident - they clearly want you to see it and know you were left out. There’s an intention there to hurt you and I wouldn’t want to be left in a group where I was letting them do that. I would feel I needed to send out a clear message that their behaviour was unacceptable and that I had no interest in playing their games or watching them pretend I was still part of the friendship group if clearly they were happy to hurt my feelings and deliberately exclude me. I’d distance myself from them at work as well; life’s too short to be trying to maintain friendships with people who are happy to engage in bullying behaviour such as leaving one person out of an event and then afterwards throwing it in their face with the photos etc.

Even a nice comment about 'looks like you had a great night' is going to look really PA (even if not your intention) so I wouldn't engage with the chat tbh.
Sounds a v odd situation but have to say you sound so nice and very resilient OP so you'll be fine.

Are you sure the new person didn't tell the others you'd been asked and had declined already?

Here is a previous thread about Wendys which might help unravel what’s going on, or at least let you know it’s not just you.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2119207-to-ask-you-to-share-your-experiences-of-a-Wendy?msgid=47968293

Trust your gut, new girl organised it.

And it appears that everyone else was happy to go along with it.

I hope all goes well in the office today blogsbunny

What a nasty bunch

Hope today goes ok

Hope your day goes ok today This kind of workplace bitchiness is just the worst.

So unkind of them to leave you out. I would have to ask someone why, otherwise it will just eat away at you.

OP... how is it at work today, anyone mention the night out to you?

Did any of them mention it today, @blogsbunny

Hello all, thank you for the kind messages! You are all so lovely!

It turned out to be a day where I was mostly out of the office (without being too outing about what I do!) due to visits, so there wasn't much interaction with anyone. One of the colleagues tilted her head when she saw me and was like 'are you okay? how've you been?" and seemed quite surprised at my reaction when I said I'm well! Quite strange and has made me wonder if someone said I was unwell!

Also overhead heard plans about another thing going on this weekend.... already accepted that for whatever reason, I'm probably not going to be included. But I've already been invited to a Friday night get together (with male colleague and his friends!) which may not go down too well but I'm going to go and have a bloody good time regardless!

Good on you OP... have fun on this night out....and I still think you should keep up a 'Not bothered' front. Well and good if you are invited for future plans. But if you are not, then well time is a great healer and at least you didn't give any one the satisfaction that they got to you.

good on you OP. least you know who your friends are :). have a fantastic night out

One of the colleagues tilted her head when she saw me and was like 'are you okay? how've you been?" and seemed quite surprised at my reaction when I said I'm well!

OP, is she a nice colleague? It almost seems as though she was asking you how you were as she was anticipating some reply about the night out. The question seems kind of dickish under the circumstances.

The 'are you OK' seems strange to me. Maybe some rumour going round about you. I would ask her why she said that. I think you need to clear the air.