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Original poster

Only one not to get invited out last night, feeling sad.

142 replies

blogsbunny · 22/06/2019 08:30

This sounds childish but I'm still feeling down this morning after yesterday and wanted to vent! Group of ladies where I work, we all have nights out/planned activities together and a facebook group where we plan/keep in touch. Yesterday as work I heard one of them mentioning to another about having posted in the group about the entry fee for tonight or something similar. Nothing had been posted in the group for a week or two so thought nothing of it.

Fast forward to closing time, everyone in the group left at the same time together. One of my (male) colleagues asked why I wasn't going out on "girls night" with them. Apparently even he had heard all about it but I hadn't - i assume they must've made a new group without me to discuss things. And sadly I got loads of notifications through in the early hours of this morning to the group I'm still in (presumably posting in the wrong group) about them all getting home safely, sharing selfies and thanking everyone for a good night!

This sounds very petty and silly. I know I'm a grown up but right now I just feel a bit left out. No idea why i wasn't invited as I thought I get on well with everyone. Had a shit week anyway (unbeknown to them) so would've appreciated some fun!
Does anyone have tips for no longer feeling blue and coping with feeling like you're back in secondary school all over again? Sad

OP posts:
nzeire · 22/06/2019 09:32

Ah, I’m sorry that happened. People are arseholes :(

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 22/06/2019 09:32

I'm supersensitive & have been left out a lot over the years, so I'd be looking for a new job. Just would never feel comfortable again.

S1naidSucks · 22/06/2019 09:39

I wonder if you have a Wendy in the group. Find out who organised it and think about how that person interacts with you. Is there someone in that group that gives you vibes that they don’t like you or are jealous of you. I wouldn’t be at all surprised that the rest of the group were told you couldn’t make it, or didn’t know you weren’t invited.

EleanorReally · 22/06/2019 09:40

ask the quesiton and then close down the computer/group op.
dont look at their photos any more.
hopefully if you Remind them of you existence that will shame them.
have a great weekend and dont give them any further thought

Morgan12 · 22/06/2019 09:43

I would need to ask them. Shame them and ask on the group why you weren't invited. Fucking bitches. Can't stand women like this. They knew exactly what they were doing.

Smellbowpenisbeaker · 22/06/2019 09:47

Don’t shame them on Facebook - they’ll do the digital equivalent of raising their eyebrows. You’ll come off looking hysterical.

memaymamo · 22/06/2019 09:52

I HATE stuff like this. It can send me down an anxiety spiral for months. Thanks

Sometimes it feels like we never left high school..

I would discreetly ask one person you're friends with about it, and whether you'd done something to cause being left out. It could be an innocent misunderstanding or oversight, better to ask.

fedup21 · 22/06/2019 09:53

I would definitely ask one of them this morning.

S1naidSucks · 22/06/2019 09:53

I wouldn’t go down the public shaming route either. It will just justify to them that you’re too ‘bitchy’, bossy, whatever. I honestly don’t think the whole group can be at fault for this. If there’s a Wendy in the group they may have said you don’t want to go out because XYZ and that you’ll get upset if they talk about it in front of you. Or the Wendy has been stirring behind your back and made it seem as if you’ve done something wrong. Just ask the one that is most likely to be honest with you.

StealthPolarBear · 22/06/2019 09:58

Ah yes so it was deliberate. Sorry :(

Campurp · 22/06/2019 10:00

Ah op that's such a shitty thing for them to do, but at least now you know for a fact that they're not your friends... just work colleagues.
Bitter pill to swallow but take it on the chin and don't reply with any sarky comments on the group. In my experience mean girls will just use that as justification fir their crappy behaviour and will take the piss behind your back.

I've been in this situation before and had to mentally disassociate myself with the pseudo-friendships to not feel too bad. Be friendly but remember this lesson and move on with your external friends. So sorry

Mrsjayy · 22/06/2019 10:00

Where did they go ? Maybe it was somewhere/thing you said you didn' fancy and they didn't say however they have purposely excluded you and i think if it was me I would breezily say on Monday did you ALL enjoy your night out and ask if your invite got lost.

Reallybadidea · 22/06/2019 10:05

I would just quietly exit the group. Maybe ask your manager whether he/she thinks your team working and interpersonal skills are OK. But only really quite nasty people would leave someone out like this. It's a reflection on them, not you.

BenWillbondsPants · 22/06/2019 10:05

I fucking hate shit like this. You're not being silly, it's a horrible thing to do.

MrsxRocky · 22/06/2019 10:07

Tbh if they're discussing it in work face to face but not with you maybe they don't see you as a friend outside of work but someone they just get in with in work if that makes sense

daisyboocantoo · 22/06/2019 10:10

Oh, I'm sorry OP. That's a really shorty thing for them to do. I would also be feeling down.

They are not worthy of you, I wouldn't want to be friends with people like that.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 22/06/2019 10:16

I am sorry. And you're right to feel upset.

But I don't see them as bitches necessarily.
The only thing they have in common is they all go to the same place of work. Which they get paid for.

Who they chose to socialise with in their own time is up to them.
I'd throw yourself into your own social circle outside of work. Keep office relationships professional and cordial but leave any feelings of obligation beyond that at the door.

Asta19 · 22/06/2019 10:24

But OP has already said they’ve been on other nights out and activities together. I could see people’s point about colleagues/friends if that wasn’t the case. But she’s always been included before and has now suddenly been excluded and yes that is bitchy.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 22/06/2019 10:29

So maybe they just don't jell. They've tried. Wanted to be inclusive but like a pp example maybe some of the group just didn't want to continue the friendship.
That doesn't mean anyone's wrong. Unlike 5 year olds adults don't all have to be friends. By the sounds of it OP has continued to be treated well in work. That's the main thing.

TheCrowFromBelow · 22/06/2019 10:33

Not nice to be the only one not included though, it is a bit shit.
Adults don’t have to be friends, but Part of being a grown up is recognising hurtful behaviour. Leaving one person out of a large group outing when you all work together is childish and mean.

LoeweMulberry · 22/06/2019 10:35

Yanbu to be upset.

She has left now luckily but last year i had an awful time with a wagon who manipulated the social dynamics all around me and her to put her in the middle and squeeze me out. She did this in a 50 small ways which all sound like nothing individually and if i list them i sound like the crazy person she wanted everybody to think i was.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 22/06/2019 10:35

I don't agree. It wasn't a work event. They didn't invite every single person from the office. It was a group of women. Grown women. Who after a day of work wanted to do what they wanted with no obligations.

I'm not saying OP can't be upset. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and it's healthy to work through them.

But why are they bitches? Why are they selfish?
Because as adults they aren't obligated to please everyone?

Mrsjayy · 22/06/2019 10:40

The op said they usually go out together so this is out of the blue and hurtful so saying well they are just collegues are missing the point.

Asta19 · 22/06/2019 10:43

When I worked in an office we often had nights out. We wouldn’t exclude anyone who wanted to come. Yes we may have inwardly groaned a little if someone who we didn’t get on so well with tagged along but, as adults, we were able to have a good time anyway without leaving anyone feeling shit. If you want to do a separate thing as friends then keep it to yourselves and meet at the venue later.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 22/06/2019 10:47

And again. Maybe they did previously but now would rather not.

They did keep it to themselves. Another employee told OP and unfortunately they posted in the wrong group last night.

I just don't think it's healthy or go down the route of their all bitches. When clearly they've held a civil relationship with Op.

It's the same when people proclaim Karma Will exact revenge. It won't. And to live in wait for someone to become miserable is really not good for anyone.