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Original poster

Do you charge your 16 year old keep?

141 replies

HotChocolateLover · 21/06/2019 06:56

Not sure what to do.

My DS (16) is just about to start a summer job and has shown me his next week part time shifts. For about 20 hours he will get £243 plus tips. We work full time and allow ourselves £30 a MONTH ‘pocket money’ each as it’s all we can afford. He will have all of this.

His father has just stopped paying £50 per week maintenance as he is out of work so we are even more skint. Not sure what to do. Should I ask for a set percentage weekly? Say 20%? As it’s 0 hours so
Some weeks he may not work. Or am I being mega right.

For this he would get all food, lifts where required and of course somewhere to live with the associated bills.

Interested in viewpoints.

OP posts:
Original poster
HotChocolateLover · 21/06/2019 06:57

*mega tight

OP posts:
AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 21/06/2019 06:59

I don’t think that I would charge him, if I could afford it. But I understand the point the re maintenance. Life is long and he will have to earn money to live soon enough. I think if you can let him have this to squander on CDs and Bacardi Breezers (or whatever kids are buying these days!)

moomoogalicious · 21/06/2019 06:59

£243 a week? Yes of course!

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Families
Pearlfish · 21/06/2019 07:00

I agree that would be a lot if he gets to spend it all. I'd feel weird about charging a 16yo rent though. What are his plans for the next few years? Could you ask him for the money, but then put it aside as savings for him (rather than just adding it to the family pot)?

daphine2004 · 21/06/2019 07:03

My mum charged me at 16 and I massively resent her for it to this day. She hadn’t charged any of my other siblings. I wouldn’t mind paying a nominal amount, but I earned about the same as your son and then full time during the holidays - it was £80 a month. I shared a room, did my own laundry and bought my own food/toiletries/college travel etc. Everything basically and it was a stretch which was unfair.

I won’t be charging my kids. It would be different if they’re working, but they need to be able to have fun, learn to save etc. So at 16 I wouldn’t.

daphine2004 · 21/06/2019 07:04

*I got that a month, not week!

Original poster
HotChocolateLover · 21/06/2019 07:05

It just feels weird as he’s so young. He’s planning on being a chef so he’s doing waitering before going to college to do a catering course (I can’t remember the name) but it will give a chef qualification. Mixed opinions 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
HotChocolateLover · 21/06/2019 07:07

Is it different if I am charging a percentage though? So if he earns nothing he pays nothing. I would never want him to feel
Worried about money at his age.

OP posts:
likeridingabike · 21/06/2019 07:07

Presumably he's back to school or college in September so this is just a summer job.

I think asking for board on a summer job is a bit mean, unless they're Uni students back for months and you really need the money for their food, extra electric etc.

Maybe he could be asked to pick up dinner on his way home once a week or pick up shopping as a contribution?

YouJustDoYou · 21/06/2019 07:08

So his father no longer pays maintenance now he's 16, so you'd be charging him partly because of this? I wouldn't at only 16 - 18 yes, but not a 16 year old. If it's lifts to his job, as you mentioned, I might ask for some fuel money but more as a way to teach him money management. I had to pay for all travel etc at that age as no way could my mum afford it but it was an important part of learning I couldn't just waste money how I wanted if I wanted to keep my job as some always needs to be set aside for travel costs etc.

likeridingabike · 21/06/2019 07:09

Ah, crossed post, so maybe he buys ingredients and cooks dinner a couple of times a week.

LeaderoftheAteam · 21/06/2019 07:10

He's only 16, you can't charge him to live with you when you are legally obligated to house him until he's 18. I think it's mega tight and greedy.

Daygals · 21/06/2019 07:10

My 16yo starts an apprenticeship in Sep and will get c. £250 per week. My Dad has told him that from the day he started work he gave his mum half and ds2 is expecting to do the same. I think I will take £50pw towards food and save the rest for him because otherwise he will fritter it and, as you say, it's an awful lot to have when you have nothing to spend it on.

Ds1 has offered £75 pw from his summer job but I'll take £50 and let him manage the rest as he much less of a spender than DS2

Original poster
HotChocolateLover · 21/06/2019 07:12

I resent being called mega tight and greedy @LeaderoftheATeam There is no need to be cruel when I had asked for genuine opinions.

OP posts:
EmperorBallpitine · 21/06/2019 07:13

Being a chef can be expensive, don't they have to buy a lovely set of knives etc?. I would not charge keep but encourage him to put away a good proportion of the money to prepare for training etc. Obviously he will also now be able to buy his own clothes, and occasionally buy you a takeaway etc.

Original poster
HotChocolateLover · 21/06/2019 07:16

@EmperorBallpitine Actually, good point about the knives. I’d forgotten about them 🤦‍♀️ Will remind DS but the minted young man will have enough in about two weeks!

OP posts:
gonewiththerain · 21/06/2019 07:16

I’d take possibly half from him and then either save it for him when he wants to buy something like a car or drip it back in during the academic year when he’s not working.
If he’s good with money there’s no need to do this if he shows he’s saving at least half.

Letthemysterybe · 21/06/2019 07:18

At 16 no way. But I wouldn’t be giving any Pocket money/allowance and I would expect them to be paying for their own toiletries, clothes etc. And I wouldn’t be their taxi!

JustMe9 · 21/06/2019 07:18

Omg Id never charge my child for living with me. Thats sounds crazy to me. I dont understand then why people have children and want them to pay for having them lol

CherryPavlova · 21/06/2019 07:20

Completely mean. He’s a child you have responsibility for and you need to pay until he’s eighteen. I think it would be reasonable not to give pocket money or buy luxury items but otherwise I’d encourage to save as much as possible towards, say, driving lessons or a laptop.

Roseandrhubarb · 21/06/2019 07:20

No, you most certainly should not Confused

People would seriously charge their child for living at home ... I can’t understand it. If things are tight it’s obviously reasonable to ask them to buy own clothes / shampoo, shower gel etc but honestly.

Daygals · 21/06/2019 07:20

@Leaderoftheteam That's nonsense, there's no legal obligation on parents to house a sixteen yo. Moral perphaps, but children can leave home without parental permission from 16.

Spam88 · 21/06/2019 07:22

Not at 16 no. I don't really think you need to be teaching any life lessons about the expense of living at this point - he's already going to be learning about the world of work. If fuel costs driving him to work are likely to be difficult for you then arrange for him to give you some money towards that, but as far as possible I'd try and support him working at no cost to him. Obviously no more pocket money, and start letting him become more responsible for buying essentials like toiletries and underwear (if he isn't already). You'll still be getting child benefit is he's still in education.

Roseandrhubarb · 21/06/2019 07:22

Not quite Daygals

It’s a very grey area. It’s true that throwing out a sixteen year old is unlikely to lead to any recourse from SS, but in practice it’s an extremely cruel thing to do as 18 is the age at which they can rent, even in a house share.

As such, anywhere they do find is likely to be pretty dubious.

In any case, I cannot understand the mentality of someone who even considers taking money from a child’s summer job.

ZaZathecat · 21/06/2019 07:25

Has everyone missed the fact that the op only has £30 PW disposable income? Usually I'd day no don't charge but insist they save a bit, but in this case where money is tight I think £50pw would be very reasonable to ask.