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Original poster

Do you charge your 16 year old keep?

141 replies

HotChocolateLover · 21/06/2019 06:56

Not sure what to do.

My DS (16) is just about to start a summer job and has shown me his next week part time shifts. For about 20 hours he will get £243 plus tips. We work full time and allow ourselves £30 a MONTH ‘pocket money’ each as it’s all we can afford. He will have all of this.

His father has just stopped paying £50 per week maintenance as he is out of work so we are even more skint. Not sure what to do. Should I ask for a set percentage weekly? Say 20%? As it’s 0 hours so
Some weeks he may not work. Or am I being mega right.

For this he would get all food, lifts where required and of course somewhere to live with the associated bills.

Interested in viewpoints.

OP posts:

waitingfor40 · 21/06/2019 07:25

When my Dd1 was 16 and on apprenticeship I charged her £80 pm equivalent to the family allowance I lost, she was earning £700pm, we still paid her phone bill, all food, toiletries ect....
Now she's earning a good wage at 19 of £1700pm I charge £150 pm she now has her own phone contact she pays for but we still buy food toiletries ect.
Personally I think kids at 16,17,18 plus should be charged to get them ready for when they do have to live independent. Nothing comes for free in this life.

caughtinanet · 21/06/2019 07:25

Charging working children board to live at home is perfectly normal, lucky you if you can afford not to but everyone I know with 18 plus children still living with them gets board money.

A temp job at 16 is different though, I wouldn't automatically charge for that. Is he going back to school or college?

ZaZathecat · 21/06/2019 07:26

£30 per MONTH

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StoorieHoose · 21/06/2019 07:27

I was 16 in 1990 and started a YTS on £80 a week and my mum charged me rent AND I had to pay the poll tax.

If I was you I would charge him - sooner he learns that stuff has to be paid for out of his wages the better. However if you can afford to save some of what you take off him so that it can go towards driving lessons or something that would be a lovely thing to do

maloofhoof · 21/06/2019 07:28

No way.
I earned £25 per week aged 14-17. From the day I started work my DM made me use it for school lunches, clothes and family holidays. I'm now 40 and like a previous poster, still deeply resent her for it all these years later.

IHeartArya · 21/06/2019 07:28

No way.

Daygals · 21/06/2019 07:30

I work with troubled teens and a lot find themselves kicked out at 16. SS don't even take much interest in them tbh, beyond finding them an (often completely unsuitable) roof.

That's extreme and certainly not a good thing but I would expect a 16yo who's flush with cash to contribute in a household that's struggling. TBH, I'd expect him to want to.

Seeline · 21/06/2019 07:30

If it was a permanent job, fair enough. I wouldn't for a summer job

But I would be encouraging saving some to cover college expenses, extra/new clothes etc.

It would be nice if he contributed to the occasional meal. - is it just the two of you or are there other siblings?

celtiethree · 21/06/2019 07:30

No I wouldn’t though I’d be encouraging them to save it so they had money when they went to college/training.

TarragonSauce · 21/06/2019 07:32

I absolutely agree that once in full time long term work housekeeping should be paid. My first job was take home pay £52pw and I paid £15 housekeeping (....then borrowed it back 3 days later most weeks...)
However, this is very short term, temporary and not guaranteed. I think I would be insisting on some being put aside though to help with college costs such as books, knives etc, travel card.

HJWT · 21/06/2019 07:34

No i wouldn't but just let him know he now has to buy his own things (clothes, toiletries take-aways) and if he wants a lift to work and back he needs to be putting the fuel in.

If he want going to college id say YES but its not a full time job for the foreseeable future.

Daygals · 21/06/2019 07:34

I don't understand all this resentment people are holding from their own childhood or to outrage at the suggestion working DC should "pay" to love at home. Few parents charge what it actually costs to live there or anything like what it would cost to live elsewhere, but a contribution to food and a lesson living costs money is surely a good thing.

I paid my mum £60 pm, my salary was £4500pa and I was commuting to London at a cost of c. £100 pm. I didn't begrudge it at all, it just seemed right and proper

BogglesGoggles · 21/06/2019 07:36

I think the way you have tried to justify it (he will get food and a place to live) points to the absurdity. Of course he may see you and in hardship and offer something himself but demanding payment for fulfilling your parental obligations isn’t quite right.

Original poster

HotChocolateLover · 21/06/2019 07:36

@ZaZathecat £30 per month 😢 But thanks for pointing out the small amount. I’m not asking for opinions so I can go off and drink champagne and buy Prada handbags. It’s not like I wouldn’t be giving something in return. I wonder whether some posters think I am considering asking for X amount and doing nothing in return. Absolutely not true.

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 21/06/2019 07:37

Is he going to college in September? If he is then I wouldn’t but I’d let him know that you expect him to save that money towards clothing, going out etc when he’s at college.

AgentProvocateur · 21/06/2019 07:38

No, but encourage him to save.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 21/06/2019 07:39

It seems like quite a lot of money.

Maybe look into a junior ISA - or some other savings scheme - that will allow him to get into the habit of saving, building up a pot of money for when he turns 18. It could save you some of your own cash in the longer term.

user1493413286 · 21/06/2019 07:40

Also if he’s going to college in September then you’re still receiving child benefit and maybe tax credits? Obviously if he’s not then I see it’s different

Original poster

HotChocolateLover · 21/06/2019 07:41

@Seeline I have a husband but to make matters worse, I am just about to go to 4 days a week from 5 (long story) I’m praying that EX-Husband isn’t out of work for long as we were kind of relying on that maintenance. And yes, he’s off to college in September. His friend’s dad owns the restaurant he will be working in so fingers crossed for him this won’t just be a summer job as he could do with experience in the hospitality industry.

OP posts:

NoClueWithStyle · 21/06/2019 07:42

I'm in a similar position to you...lone parent, little disposable money. I can see why you are questioning this if your finances are so tight.

I would expect them to pay for themselves in terms of clothes, toiletries, social life etc. If you dont want to charge them board at the very least sit down with them weekly and teach them to budget.
I'd look at things from the kit needed for college to christmas presents...and id also advise them to think about future costs like driving lessons and a car and associated costs. They will realise that money doesn't grow on trees, but also that they can work towards what they want in life.

If they then didn't save as they planned to, and fritter it away, I would have a clearer conscience charging them board. I think it is also important to plan in some frittering money, so they feel the benefit of working in relation to being able to make choices, buy wants rather than just needs, etc.

Overall, if he now isn't costing you anything, your finances should be better and you might not need to charge board.
By the way, fair play to your ds getting himself a job and not expecting to be funded for the next 2 yrs. It sounds like he already has a good work ethic, and I hope he really enjoys his work and course.

SushiGo · 21/06/2019 07:44

Can you sit down and calculate what he will need for college and offer to help him save by keeping hold of some of his cash? Then give it back at the end of the summer when he needs to buy his kit. Unless you are very close to where he's working, it's probably worth him saving for driving lessons too, as he'll be working late shifts.

Much as I understand why the extra cash could relieve some pressure, I think he's likely to need it all to get through his course and set him up with a good first job.

The suggestion that he pays abd makes dinner for you all once a week is a good one. It will help financially.

SolitudeAtAltitude · 21/06/2019 07:44

I would not charge my 16yr old

For me, maybe at 18

But not 16

foreverchanging19 · 21/06/2019 07:45

If you're trying to teach him the value of money that's one thing, if you're trying to get him to make up a short fall in your income that is entirely another.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a small contribution and show the value it adds or to ask him to save some of it for supplies he might need for his course.

At 16 it's his parents job to care for him and meet his needs, he doesn't need to know that his dad isn't paying maintenance, he doesn't need to bridge the gap and he doesn't need to know if you're short as a consequence, at this point it's not his burden to bear, it's not his chance to learn about responsibility, it's your job to fulfil it. He'll have this job for six weeks, what will you do for money at the end of summer?

Icequeen01 · 21/06/2019 07:46

My DS has had a part time job since he was 16 where he earned just under £200 per month. We didn’t charge him then as we felt it was too young but, to be fair, we could afford not to. He is now 19 and works 15 hours a week at Tesco which fits around Uni and earns around £350. We now charge him £50 a month and he has to save money each month to pay for his car and insurance. We are actually saving the £50 per month for him but he doesn’t know that. I think from 18 it’s time for them to start contributing but 16 is still a little young.

imnotcheryl · 21/06/2019 07:46

I wouldn't. My mum also did this and I resented her. But then she provided fuck all and didn't work, so I felt like I was funding her to be unemployed. I didn't get anything bought for me or food etc.

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