Do you charge your 16 year old keep?

[HotChocolateLover]

Not sure what to do.

My DS (16) is just about to start a summer job and has shown me his next week part time shifts. For about 20 hours he will get £243 plus tips. We work full time and allow ourselves £30 a MONTH ‘pocket money’ each as it’s all we can afford. He will have all of this.

His father has just stopped paying £50 per week maintenance as he is out of work so we are even more skint. Not sure what to do. Should I ask for a set percentage weekly? Say 20%? As it’s 0 hours so
Some weeks he may not work. Or am I being mega right.

For this he would get all food, lifts where required and of course somewhere to live with the associated bills.

Interested in viewpoints.

Lots of people think i’ll be charging him for petrol to work. Not sure how that came about but we won’t be. He will just continue to get the normal lifts that he always gets and if he chooses to buy a bus pass for whilst we are at work then that’s his choice.

Oy veh!
It's such a dick move. Like the second a kid earns, the parents are there, rubbing their hands like, "Ooooh he can pay the leccy now and we can get more takeaways."

FFS what kind of message are you sending? Earn your keep!
Did you pay your parents, OP?

You actually asked if you were being mega tight. Someone says they think you are being mega tight. You say you resent being called mega tight.

Anyway. I wouldn't charge. I think its mega tight. 16 is too young.

😂😂 @ leccy and takeaways. Think i’ll Pass on those thanks. However, posters that have given useful advice both positive and negative have given me something to think about.

Have you talked to him about this at all?

I think for a summer job I wouldn’t ask for a contribution unless I really had to. But I would be expecting him to save. A lot. He might have a part time job whilst at college but he won’t be earning as much so saving now will make a big difference long term.

I can’t remember if I had to contribute from my summer job at 16 but I suspect I probably did as money was tight.

I think it is good to teach responsibility and that money doesn’t grow on trees. And I would want to think that a teen would want to contribute to make life easier for his mum.

I would sit down and talk to him about saving and budgeting and offer to save for him. He will want driving lessons etc so it’s good to build up some savings.

@TheVanguardSix Re. Paying my parents. It’s going back a way now but I recall giving my mum £120 a month out of a £800-900 pcm salary. Being totally honest, I can’t remember the exact age it started but I had my first job in sixth form which didn’t start off at that much (probs about £200 and then progressed over about 2 years) Think I was lucky though.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I was giving my mum board from my part time job at 16, I gave her £1 for each £3 I earned. I’m sure I was grumpy about it at the time but it was good to learn about paying my way, especially as I moved out and across the country at 18.

Hi OP, I would be congratulating him and encouraging him to save his money, using your own situation as an example that there are times in life when money is tight so it's good to look after it.

I couldn't bring myself to charge a 16 Yr old rent and board though.

Yes he will be earning a good wage, but it is HIS wage and you can't have a claim on it just because he is your son. Presumably if he is training to be a chef he may be leaving home at a young age soon, maybe in the next 2 years? He'll learn about rent and board soon enough. Let him enjoy his earnings until then.

He is going to have far more disposable income than many adults, yes he should pay

The problem with mumsnet, is most people can't relate to things they have never experienced, if your fairly affluent and you don't have to worry about money than charging you 16 yr old for board and lodgings might never cross your mind, it's not about being tight, sometimes it's necessity .

You would be needing to support him if He didn’t have this job, and you are still receiving Child Benefit for him, til he is 18 if he is at college.

I would do all you can to encourage him to save for his College years.

Maybe ask him to cook you all a weekend meal, paid for and prepped by him, based in what he has seen, to build his skills, and a constructive way to contribute to the family economy?

If it's just a summer job and he's going back to school/college in September then no I wouldn't, he's still in full time education and on his summer holidays.

My Dd starts a apprentice in September as she isn't going back to school for 6th form. As s single parent I will lose money when this happens so have agreed Dd will pay £100 per month (£45 is her phone bill so she is actually only paying about £13-14 per week for keep) obviously this will cover everything and I will still be needing to do lots of transportation in evenings for her as her job isn't on a great bus route and not suitable to walk down country lanes in the dark

I see it as completely reasonable to tell someone who is working that they should now contribute to the household pot. Whenever I worked a week full time when I was at school and then a student my mum asked for £10 a week ( this was in the 1970s) from a weekly wage of £36. I saw it as utterly normal to do so. My family were not rich at all and it helped pay for my food and bills. I liked contributing. I argue with my DH about this with our kids as he comes from a much better off family and none of the kids ever worked and therefore never paid anything. When our DS moved home after uni I resented him living here for free when our bills went up massively as a result. But we mustn't charge because he mustn't feel unwelcome! Then when he moved into a flat he struggled to manage his finances. I thunk we missed out on teaching him an important life lesson.

I thunk your son may like the feeling he is contributing. Talk to him about it

I wouldn’t take any money from a 16 year old. My parents didn’t take anything from me till I was in full time work after college.
I only had a Saturday job with a charity and didn’t earn much.
Then when working full time my parents charged me £80 rent a month and I bought my food and drinks extras and other stuff I needed. Understandably. However I saved most of my wages for a house deposit and got on the ladder thanks to them.
I’d probably just say to him to save some of it for your future, advise him not to waste it.

No, at 16 you are still obliged to keep him, if he is going out to work then good for him. I would hope in your situation that he would come home and offer some up of his own accord since he knows you're struggling. To be honest though even for him to give you 50 a week is quite a lot for board in my opinion, at that age anyway!

I paid keep from about the same age as your son, my DM sat me down explained the situation and i took on either the gas or electric (cant remember which one) at £20. That was my contribution and i didn't mind, didn't think she was mean/greedy. I felt like an adult i would message my mum if i had a good tip and tell her il bring in a takeaway etc off my own back. I think it done me well, and i have a lot of respect for my DM now im an adult and realise she was getting F all from my DF, but still managed to give us a great home life, rambling a bit but im just trying to say not everyone would think your evil/tight/greedy.

Oh to go back again and pay just £20 a week for all my bills sighs

No I couldnt at 16.

I really don't think a small contribution is unreasonable, to teach him about budgeting for rent etc as he grows up. I would maybe ask for £20 a week, or, if you're not comfortable requesting cash, ask him to buy the ingredients for two meals a week and then cook the family dinner.

We've always said to the kids that when they're in full time education we wouldn't charge them, after that they're welcome to stay in their childhood bedrooms but would need to pay 1/5 of bills and something as rent. Not set in stone what, probably a % but if they're still at home at 25 might change to market rent for a room in a Houseshare or if there are 4 adults living at home 1/4 of costs etc.

DD was considering a fairly well paid formal apprenticeship (just theoretically, couple of years to go) in which she'd go to college 2 days and earn around 800€ per month in the first year, 1000€ (before tax - and where we live a single person without dependents would pay about 300€ tax, pension, health insurance, unemployment insurance etc on 1000€ per month) by the 3rd for 3 days work per week. I said it could be a very sensible choice but she'd certainly be paying for everything herself on that, including her own phone and any extra special food, toiletries and snacks she wanted rather than adding them to my shopping list (sometimes she puts exotic fruit or expensive specific shampoo etc requests on the list which I sometimes buy, sometimes don't) but we wouldn't charge her rent or for ordinary food until she was out of formal education, and expect her to save half of it if not spending it on an investment like driving lessons.

I wouldn’t charge my ds. But this is because of my own upbringing. I would expect him to pay for himself ie clothes and toiletries and would encourage him to save. The only time I would charge is if he wasn’t saving anything, I would take “keep” and put it in a savings account on his behalf. My mum charged me £600 a month to live at her flat when I was 17. Her rent was only £400. I also wasn’t allowed to use her washing machine or eat or have visitors.

I don't think he should be covering for his father's failings. HE should get another job and start paying for his child!

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a small contribution eg £20 a week.

If your ds is earning variable amounts on a zero hours contract it's more difficult to calculate but maybe say 10% of whatever he earns with a max of £20 a week?

What does he intend to do with the money? Is it to save towards chefs stuff? I wouldn’t be charging him as it’s his opportunity to get some money behind him and it’s only for the holidays then he is back to school

I wouldn't make him pay if it's just a Summer job.

Our son graduated last year and is taking a year out to have a break from education before going into teaching and is working full time, earning around £1400 per month. I buy all toiletries, food, all bills are paid (which have increased considerably since he moved back, especially the water bill) and his washing and ironing is done plus his girlfriend stays for a couple of days every week so she's another mouth to feed and he complains bitterly about paying £50 p.m. I think his main issue is that his girlfriend (in the same graduate/work situation as him) pays nothing although her family situation is different in that she's an only child with quite well off mortgage-free retired parents.

My DD is 17 and works part time. I don’t charge her anything as she’s in full time education. If she leaves college she will have to pay rent, it motivates her to stay!