Do you charge your 16 year old keep?

[HotChocolateLover]

Not sure what to do.

My DS (16) is just about to start a summer job and has shown me his next week part time shifts. For about 20 hours he will get £243 plus tips. We work full time and allow ourselves £30 a MONTH ‘pocket money’ each as it’s all we can afford. He will have all of this.

His father has just stopped paying £50 per week maintenance as he is out of work so we are even more skint. Not sure what to do. Should I ask for a set percentage weekly? Say 20%? As it’s 0 hours so
Some weeks he may not work. Or am I being mega right.

For this he would get all food, lifts where required and of course somewhere to live with the associated bills.

Interested in viewpoints.

I think you are getting an unfair time on her OP. I always ‘paid into’ house from as soon as I had my part time job-at 16- I gave a percentage each week. Can’t remember what percentage it was but I remember my first pay check was £40 and my Mum got £5. My teenagers pay into house if they working- only a small amount but I think it is very important. We are a team and they happily give it. When I can I save it for them- when I can’t I don’t.
It is a good learning curve and besides he should want to help out

My 15 is starting a summer job next week. He won't earn that much but he's going to save a third, hand up a third for housekeeping and keep a third himself. He'll still have a lot more spending money than he usually does.
I'm going to save his housekeeping money and use it to buy clothes for him. He'll need them anyway and it means he's contributing a bit.
I feel it's important for him to learn to contribute a bit.

That's a very high hourly rate for a 16 yr old OP, are you sure he's worked it out correctly? The going rate would be exactly a third of that (minimum wage for 16 is £4.05, your calculation makes it £12.15 an hour)
In your position I would probably have a chat with him about money being tight, and rather than insist on a certain amount being handed over, ask him how he feels about contributing to the food bill while he's working.

My parents never asked me for money. I worked from 16 (albeit through my a-levels and then through uni when I needed the money).

I just saved it for uni. So maybe you can ask him to save it? It doesn't just sit right with me taking money off a 16 year old.

I wouldn't charge him, but would expect him to pay for his own travel, lunches, clothing etc. out of his earnings

When I had a summer of full time working from age 16 onwards, I did contribute to the household, as did my siblings. Never resented it, certainly didn’t view it as rent or my parents taking advantage. It would have been nominal but i knew how much my parents had sacrificed to give us an amazing life so was happy to contribute when I could.

On the flip side, while all my friends had part time jobs in 6th form, my parents financially supported me 100% in my A levels year so that I could concentrate on studying.

OP I don’t think you’d be unreasonable at all to ask for a nominal contribution to the household he’s a part of.

My 18 year old works part time & goes to Uni. I don’t charge him but he pays his own mobile bill, buys all his own clothes. I just buy food & toiletries. He helps around the house.

It’s not ‘charging’ your child, it’s teaching them that a contribution is needed to run the house and teaches them to manage their finances. Why should OP scrimp when her DS has £240 pw to fritter away? The going rate is £50pw for dog money. Definitely make this clear to him. His age is irrelevant, he’s earning a wage and needs to chip in to his living costs, he couldn’t live anywhere else free.

*dig not dog

Thanks @NoClueWithStyle I’m really proud of him too and good advice.

@yearinyearout I may have got the amount of hours wrong but they have this really swish online system where you can see the shifts you have been allotted and it says how much you will earn. DS showed me the figure £243 as the earning total but as for hours, might be a few more.

If it helps at all, I only started charging my oldest son keep when he started work full time and came out of full time education. He dropped out of college so once he started work he started paying keep.
My 17 year old is finishing college this week but already signed up for another year from September, if he starts work before then but continues college I won't charge him.

Ask him to put £20 away in a jar when he gets paid. If you need to use it then do so but if you don't need it , encourage him to save it or keep it for next time you do need it. I would say he's done well getting a job and being in education also, something to be proud of.

Of course he should pay! He's getting more than some adults earn a week! I'm amazed that they pay apprentices so much.
I had to pay my parents 30% of my pay and when I learnt to drive they expected me to be the 'taxi' as they couldn't drive at all.
Even if you don't use all the money on household stuff, at least save it for a deposit for a flat for him.
What used to annoy me as a young adult was that my parents didn't need the money. My mum used my pay to get drink and fags and I had to get them for her!
With my DDs, I will charge them, but save it up for them.

At 16, I got an apprenticeship. Was brining home just over 800 a month and mum charged me 140 to cover food etc.

I was happy enough with this. I knew that they had never had a lot of money so of course I didn't mind

It is a Summer job, so no I certainly would not.
He will be out of the house a lot, maybe eating at work? Encourage him to save, let him buy his own treats, clothes etc.

I wouldn't charge him, just make sure he uses that money for things he needs/ wants. Surely that will save you money. I don't think you ca charge for food/ bills it's unfair at that age.

But this is a summer job - what 6 weeks, and variable hours so he won't necessarily get that every week.

I really think it would be better to get him to save enough so that you don't have to fork out for college stuff - knives and other equipment, whites, additional clothes ( assuming he has just finished with school uniform), stationery, transport etc. Someone will have to pay for it. If he gives money to you, he won't have enough, and if you spend it on housekeeping etc then you won't have enough!

Obviously if it turns into something semi-permanent then have re-think.

I do think it's right to ask him to pay rent but don't think it's unreasonable to ask for money towards petrol if you'll be taking him to and from work.

Tight not right!

My daughter has an internship and when we offered her boyfriends parents payment towards board and lodging in central London they refused. Absolutely adamant they would not take any money at all as she is a student still and the internship was only for three months in the summer so not like proper earnings.
I think a regular apprenticeship earning money over a longer period is different, perhaps, but we’ve never charged any of ours for living in the family home. I can’t imagine ever doing so.
They seem to have understood the value of money and financial commitments necessary as adults without giving us their early earnings.

I wouldn’t charge my 16 year old anything as in rent or food if he got a summer job but would expect him to cover any extra lifts (so petrol) if I was ferrying him to and from paid work, or he would pay for his own transportation. He would also need to pay for any uniform or specialist equipment for the job (or pay us back for loaning him the money to kitted out). I would expect him to be saving a portion of his earnings for when he goes to uni.

Encourage to save but not pay keep. That is mean. You're penalising him for you not having enough money - that's not his fault.

OP, do you think your DS is mature enough that you could sit down and have a chat with him about it so that it feels like a joint, grown-up decision for him to contribute in some way to the household in a way you're both happy with?

In the spirit of beginning to ease him into adulthood (as well as helping you out financially as you need) you might get a good response if you lay out a basic outline of the situation (without guilt or sense you're relying on him to feed yourself!) and seek his input.

I think the suggestion about buying ingredients and cooking dinner for everyone a couple of nights a week is a great one of he wants to be a chef, is a good introduction to budgeting and responsibly, and saves you both time and money each month rather than just teaching him all he has to do as an adult is throw some money at someone! He might be quite up for that?

You could also offer to take a bit of his wage to keep in savings for him as a nest egg if he thinks he'll be tempted to spend it all, or (if he thinks he's responsible enough) encourage him to set up a direct debit for a set amount to his own savings account for AS SOON AS HE'S PAID every week/month. If he does this from day one of his job he won't even miss the extra and if he then doesn't look at the savings account and treats it like that money doesn't exist, it'll build up nicely in the background. This was a great tip from my mum when I started working and I've followed it ever since.

If he’s still a student your child benefit will continue over the Summer and during his catering course. I would see this as money to cover him.

I would definitely sit down and explain the importance of saving some of his wages and help open an account for this.