Did you change your surname after marriage?

[user1489792710]

The other thread in AIBU got me thinking about changing surnames after marriage.

I didn't change mine. DH would have liked me to and sometimes would ask in mock anger why I haven't. For professional reasons it made sense to stick to my maiden name as most of my qualifications and certification are in that name. So for work I use my maiden name. It's completely unpronounceable and would make sense to change to the easier married name. However I feel it's "my" name my identity and would really hate to change it.

I'm from an Asian country with predominantly Buddhist culture and married women do change their name to take on their husbands although it's not a must. It's 50/50 among my friends back home.

Just curious as to what the UK is doing?

No I didn’t.
He didn’t take mine either.
The kids have both our names, hyphenated.

I do understand the appeal of everyone in the family having the same name though. But it’s weird that so few men are interested in changing theirs to achieve that, isn’t it?

“I do understand the appeal of everyone in the family having the same name though. But it’s weird that so few men are interested in changing theirs to achieve that, isn’t it?”

Quite.

Until it is as common and non-commentworthy for a man to change his name as it is for a woman to do so, the feminist choice remains to keep your own name and include your own name in the childrens’.

Of course it is up to each individual and family what they do, all fine. You can still be a feminist and change your name. But changing your name is not a feminist choice.

IMO.

No. Kept my name. Dh kept his. Dc were 12 and 16 when we got married. Never been an issue of any kind.

Mrs Dhsurname was dh's mother.

I'm Ms for the bank but don't really get the point of tiles. I prefer to be Firstname Surname.

I think I'd have quite liked an unusual name. Mine is pretty common. I still kept it though, as the history of the custom is unacceptable to me: it doesn't make you a chattel to change your name now, but it is a chattel custom. But I think I'd take a certain pleasure from something a bit more outlandish. Provided it was a bit interesting, rather than unusual and also containing the word cock or bum.

Titles even. Tiles do have a point

Yes, I did. I had a boring surname and now I have a lovely unusual one to match my lovely unusual DH and DC

Yes. Wasn’t married to my children’s father. Then I was with a horrible man and we never married and when I met my wonderful husband it seemed the right thing to do by taking his name.

I will be taking dp's name just because i want rid of my last name. I do like it and it is a part of me but it caused so much issue growing up. Parents divorced and mum wanted to change my last name to hers but didn't do it until I was 14 (without asking me) and then I ended up with a really stupid hybrid name. I always said when I get married I would change it and then no issues at that point.

I didn't. We double-barrelled for the children.

no, it never occurred to me that I would (the idea of being Mrs DH'sMum's name is weird) & very few of my friends did either. I'm always slightly surprised when I find women my age & younger (mid 40s) who've changed their name, I guess I associate it with something my parent's/grandparent's would do.

Nope I haven't either.

Plus as a teacher I know how frustrating/complicated it can get having a different surname from your child.

How have I managed to only encounter people who are not so easily befuddled by parents having different names from their children. Almost 10 years in and I have never had a problem with teachers, airport security, doctors or any other official person. Are you saying teachers are frustrated by this??

Wow, I don't know anyone who didn't change their name when they got married - I'm 42.

I did.
I never planned to but my DH surname was much nicer than mine so did it for that reason alone. Still prefer his surname to my old one so no regrets.

Nope, we both agreed that there was no need for either of us to change our surnames, though in my culture the women are expected to take on husbands, so it did raise eyebrows on his side of the family, although mine completely understood I would never change mine. We have agreed kids will have double barrelled

Plus as a teacher I know how frustrating/complicated it can get having a different surname from your child.

Really? This hasn't been my experience at all, my DCs are at secondary school now and it simply hasn't been a problem. The staff are perfectly capable of dealing with families with multiple surnames, it's so normal now no one bats an eyelid.

I didn't. I couldn't imagine/ comprehend the idea of being called a different name. It just sounded like some person I didn't even know.

“Plus as a teacher I know how frustrating/complicated it can get having a different surname from your child”
I’d love to hear more about this. We have 3 names in our family (yes- family. Daring of me I know) and t hasn’t been the slightest problem in the last 23 years

I didn't, originally because I wanted my doctorate to be on my maiden name, as it felt more "mine"... but somehow I graduated and never got around to changing it. It annoys DH mildly, but tough.

In his culture the children have two surnames, their father's then their mother's, not hyphenated, so we've done the same despite living in the UK. It's working so far!

Yes. I much preferred the sound and spelling of my dh's surname.

My surname was always pronounced wrong. More importantly, I didn't feel any particular attachment to it as I wasn't close to my father.

Didn't change my name partly because that seems like needless admin. Would prefer if DD had my name but sadly could not convince DH. Ideally a daughter would have my name and a son his - that would be my preferred naming convention.

I did. Definitely not a chattel 🤷🏻‍♀️

If people want a family name then why not create a new one?