Did you change your surname after marriage?

[user1489792710]

The other thread in AIBU got me thinking about changing surnames after marriage.

I didn't change mine. DH would have liked me to and sometimes would ask in mock anger why I haven't. For professional reasons it made sense to stick to my maiden name as most of my qualifications and certification are in that name. So for work I use my maiden name. It's completely unpronounceable and would make sense to change to the easier married name. However I feel it's "my" name my identity and would really hate to change it.

I'm from an Asian country with predominantly Buddhist culture and married women do change their name to take on their husbands although it's not a must. It's 50/50 among my friends back home.

Just curious as to what the UK is doing?

I never changed my name. It's my name so why would I want to to known by any other.

I do think it's old fashioned and it's never the man who hates his name and wants to change it. To me it's like erasing your old past now you have married.

I did. Couldn't have imagined not, tbh. But then I hated my maiden name and I wanted us to have a family name. Plus as a teacher I know how frustrating/complicated it can get having a different surname from your child. I can definitely understand for keeping it for professional reasons, some teachers do, especially if their new name can be mocked (I worked with a woman who's married name was Hoare 🙈) but I would've changed it in my personal life. That's what was right for me though, I can see the arguments for women keeping their own name.

We both changed.

I loved changing my name, very exciting, but no way would I have changed to his so that he carries on as normal with us sliding into his family. No.

It was a big moment for both of us which we both took an equal part in. So it did really feel like creating a new family.

We discussed names before we got married. Dh would have taken mine if I’d wanted we talked about double barrelling but it sounded ridiculous. I ended up changing but dh wasn’t bothered either way we even discussed a whole new name option. I changed because dh’s name is unusual and I like it and it sounds nice with my first name. It is no easier to spell than my original name although it’s shorter.

I did. I liked the idea of us being Team Familyname. My plan had been to keep my maiden name to pass down but my brother had a son so I knew the name would carry on a bit longer. Plus I was moving from something I had to spell every time to something everyone has heard of.

No - never considered changing mine. My DSIS and DSIL haven’t either. I like my surname, it’s my history.

For those who changed their name to have a family surname, did you consider your DH changing his name instead?

What is the 'patriarchal rubbish' that prevented you taking your husband's name?

Unless you make up a new one it's always going to be someone else's name you're saddled with - usually your father's but not always.

Not this double standard again.

Pretty much nobody alive now, male or female, is the first user of their name. As you correctly point out. Thus, if your name isn't your own because you got it from your dad, it isn't his name either because he got it from his dad. So it isn't usually your father's, it's usually some very far back ancestor of his. The same is true of your husband: if you don't have your own name because someone else had it first, neither does he. You aren't taking your husband's name, you're taking the one someone else saddled him with.

Or alternatively, all our names are ours, whether male or female.

Yep, I was glad to get rid of my awful surname. I was bullied for years about it and never wanted it to be my name. Husband has a great name. It’s easier for a woman to change name with the provision of your marriage certificate whereas a man had to deed poll which can be a pain in the arse. I hated my name but didn’t deed pool due to the hassle. I don’t feel like i’m chattel just that we share a name.

I couldn't wait to change my name. I wanted to be Mrs Ginger.

No. Most women I know did though.

Marriage 1: Not initially, didn't plan to and logistically it would have been difficult as was living abroad. But then I did about a year later when we returned to the UK and I was changing things anyway, not really sure why now and if I could go back I wouldn't do so again.
Kept my married name on divorce.

Marriage 2: no, kept my 1st married name which I had been using for years.

I didn't see a good reason to change so I didn't. There would have to be a bloody good reason to do that much paperwork and go through that much hassle.

Plus as a teacher I know how frustrating/complicated it can get having a different surname from your child.

There's a very easy way of remedying this that doesn't involve changing your name.

No, I didn't change my name
It's part of my identity, I had no intention of changing it. If we have children then they'll have my name too

@justbeniceplease, so I'm '[t]rying to sound intelligent but failing', whereas this from you constitutes a brilliant riposte?

This kind of crap is unnecessary. I'm not one either. I changed my name. So what.

I'd say the great political debaters of the world are shaking in their shoes. A new star has arisen.

I changed my surname when we got married, mainly due to the fact that I have no connection to my previous surname.

My parents split up when I was 6 months and my father was never in my life. My DM kept her married surname (so we had the same surname) until she married my step father when I was 18.

I did but I had a surname that was difficult to say and spell so couldn't wait to get rid of it to be honest.

I didn't change mine for four reasons:
Couldn't be bothered to do the paperwork
Liked my name better
Our hypothetical double barrelled name would've sounded stupid
If I changed it to some sort of portmanteau of the two, picking what it should be seemed too much effort

I don't know any of my peers who have not changed their names. Maybe they think I'm a feminist but really I'm just apathetic and lazy 😬

@Phare

It wasn't the structure of your post that made you look stupid.

Out of all our friends/acquaintances, the girls I knew at school, uni and work, DSis and I are the only ones that DB'ed (her) or kept their name (me). They're free to make their own choices, of course, but I still think it's sad that it's not more socially acceptable locally for women to retain their own name. They can't all (and we're talking maybe 75-100 women here) have met someone with a "nicer" name or been ambivalent about their own surname.

“Also wanted to be a family by that point.“

Gosh. There’s me thinking I was part of a family for nearly 24 years now. How shall I tell the children?

I did, I'm early 30s and don't know any friends who haven't.

I changed mine. I have a very unusual and difficult to pronounce first name and DH’s surname is completely unpronounceable for most people.
I thought it would be amusing to watch people stutter and struggle to say my names, and it is .

I did. Because:

1 - I hated my maiden name, it didn't sound pleasant to my ears. It was also easy to make fun of it.
2 - I have a complicated relationship with my father, who's name it was.
3 - I love my married name, it's a lovely sound and goes well with my forename.
4 - I wanted to be the same as DH and any future children.
5 - I don't have anything attached to my maiden name, qualifications, publications etc.

I didn't change mine although lots of older relations still address me as Mrs Husbands name even though I have been divorced years 🙄🙄🙄