Did you change your surname after marriage?

[user1489792710]

The other thread in AIBU got me thinking about changing surnames after marriage.

I didn't change mine. DH would have liked me to and sometimes would ask in mock anger why I haven't. For professional reasons it made sense to stick to my maiden name as most of my qualifications and certification are in that name. So for work I use my maiden name. It's completely unpronounceable and would make sense to change to the easier married name. However I feel it's "my" name my identity and would really hate to change it.

I'm from an Asian country with predominantly Buddhist culture and married women do change their name to take on their husbands although it's not a must. It's 50/50 among my friends back home.

Just curious as to what the UK is doing?

I didn't take his name. We both double barrelled, HisName-MyName.

There was no way i was buying into the partriachal rubbish about taking your husband's name on marriage. I'd grown to love my surname, and I wasn't going to give it up. Luckily my husband is an enlightened soul and was perfectly happy to add my name to his.

When I got married - no. He was so insistent I should change that I should of seen it as a read flag. With husband 2 we agreed to double barrel and the children have both our names. However he never changed his despite knowing it was important etc to me and a prior agreement mainly because his family went on a winger. Because my surname came first in the double barrelling and I’m Dr Labradpr - the kids use and are called Labrador - ex doesn’t like it what so ever and rages but it’s tough they want Labrador - they are labradors!

I didn't. I hate the idea that a woman changing her name has its routes in women being owned. In my 20s, I toyed with changing my name to my mum's maiden name, but decided I didn't want the hassle.

Yes I changed my name ... all my female cousins have also ... our maiden name was fine our married names are fine .

I did my maiden name was common my married name isn't which is nice although loads of people can't pronounce it correctly something my DH did warn me about 🤣 but I love it and it's nice to see on my DCs birth certs that we all have the same surnames (not a dig at those that have DC outside marriage what so ever) just personal preference

What is the 'patriarchal rubbish' that prevented you taking your husband's name?

Unless you make up a new one it's always going to be someone else's name you're saddled with - usually your father's but not always.
I haven't felt oppressed, belittled, a chattel or loss of any identity by taking my husband's name. If you feel strongly then keep the name you have, but don't try to make others feel they're letting the sisterhood down.

I got married nearly 21 years ago and took my husband's family name. Am glad as it made me anonymous after having a stalker. I'm used to my name although I hate ladies titles and still cringe at being Mrs but in my job we're usually known as Miss/Ms/Mrs Groovee.

I took DHs name. Of all the weddings I’ve been to over the years only one of the brides didn’t take her husbands name... it that did make it easier when they divorced three years later.

Same sex friends have double barrelled except one couple who decided which name they liked the best and just went with that.

don't try to make others feel they're letting the sisterhood down

Very much my consensus on the subject. If YOU want to change it, change it. If you don't don't, but don't belittle others for their choices.

I'll be changing mine when it comes to it next year. I hate my surname, and I'll be glad to get a new (although still odd) name.

I changed to DHs surname. It’s so nice not to have to spell it to everyone and explain how to pronounce it as I had to with my maiden name.

When DH proposed he did so by asking if I would be Mrs Curlsandcurves. Thought it was a lovely way to ask me.

No. Our ds is myname-dhname. We don't feel any the less of a family for it

I changed mine but my maiden name is already IN husband's surname, if that makes sense.

Eg if his surname was Blacksmith, mine would be Smith. Just totally by chance!

I changed my drivers licence a year after marriage (a year ago), but I still haven't done the bank or my passport and I won't do the latter until I have to renew it as you have to pay and it's still valid for about 7 years. You can keep your passport in your maiden name anyway, no laws against that. You just have to book your tickets in your maiden name!

I'll do bank etc when I can be bothered.

Anything else, I use my new surname for, especially as I now have my drivers licence for ID if I need it. Eg mortgage application was in new name, hospital etc.

I did. Couldn't wait to change my surname. My mum changed my surname by deed poll when I was four years old. My brother had the same surname as our "father". He left my mum while she was pregnant with me, they weren't married. She didn't want me to have a different surname to my brother so I got saddled with the sperm doner's surname. My brother is a dickhead who I haven't seen for over 10 years, so yeah, was happy to change. Those who bang on about chattels, everyone has their reasons for their choices. Unless you know them, pipe down.

I hate my first, middle and surnames. So yes, I probably will change my name when the time comes. I am fully aware that I am my own person, a collection of letters on my legal documents doesn't make any difference to that.

Of course I did. I got married at 19, I have had my married name a lot longer than the name I was born with, my father's name, a man who was a useless absent father. My DH is the best man I have ever met, I would rather have his name which is now my name.

I did. My husband's surname sounded fantastic with my name. I wanted my kids to have same name as me too and double barrelling would be waaaay too long wth both surnames. Plus bank accounts joint etc. So, up to you really.

No, neither of us wanted to change our name so we both kept our own. No one ever asks him if he did though.

I didn't. I like my name and I don't see why I should change it when DH wouldn't even consider changing his. People think its weird but I don't care. Our kids have doubled barrelled names.

I did. I was proud of my birth family name, and am proud of married name.
In many ways, we are quite traditional, it works for us, and our families.

Never have been chattel either

No, of course not. And nor did any of my female friends, because we weren't dumb enough to think that our birth surnames were basically starter names to be traded in when we managed the crowning achievement of Bagging A Chap.

Nor, clearly, did we suffer from that bizarrely common Mn problem that our birth surnames were so awful we were dying to exchange them for Smith, although, strangely, it hadn't occurred to any of us to change them by deed poll.

No, of course not. And nor did any of my female friends, because we weren't dumb enough to think that our birth surnames were basically starter names to be traded in when we managed the crowning achievement of Bagging A Chap.

Hmm. Trying to sound intelligent but failing

I added my husband's surname to mine after being stuck at Heathrow arrivals because they wouldn't believe my kids were mine! (I had accidentally checked in my bag with their birth certificates)

I always said I wouldn't change mine. Then I got married at 36 and I liked DH’s surname better than mine so I did
All principles vanished!

I didn't. My surname is an important part of who I am. I also didn't like the sexist connotations of belonging to someone.

I added my husband's surname to mine after being stuck at Heathrow arrivals because they wouldn't believe my kids were mine! Why not add yours to the kids names? That's what I did and there has never been any confusion about their parentage.