Did you change your surname after marriage?

[user1489792710]

The other thread in AIBU got me thinking about changing surnames after marriage.

I didn't change mine. DH would have liked me to and sometimes would ask in mock anger why I haven't. For professional reasons it made sense to stick to my maiden name as most of my qualifications and certification are in that name. So for work I use my maiden name. It's completely unpronounceable and would make sense to change to the easier married name. However I feel it's "my" name my identity and would really hate to change it.

I'm from an Asian country with predominantly Buddhist culture and married women do change their name to take on their husbands although it's not a must. It's 50/50 among my friends back home.

Just curious as to what the UK is doing?

Yes I di. Was married 26 years and now divorced. I have kept the name. My children wanted me to and I wanted to keep same surname as them. 26 years is a long time. I have no problem keeping this name

Unless you make up a new one it's always going to be someone else's name you're saddled with - usually your father's but not always.

This is exactly what we did! We merged our two family names to create a new family name (we weren't keen on double barrelling when neither of us were particularly attached to our surnames). I've had quite a few people say they considered the idea but no one else who actually did it....

No, I kept my surname. Can't be arsed to faff about changing important identity documents!

I think we need to get rid of the expression 'maiden name', it suggests that a woman's name is somehow temporary. It worries me that my dds think the idea of changing their name on marriage is a 'nice' thing to do, they have no problem with their own name, although I suspect if/when they marry they will find fault with it so they can change it. How many men who have shitty childhoods, distant father's, or difficult to spell names ever change them? Precious few I suspect.

“Unless you make up a new one it's always going to be someone else's name you're saddled with - usually your father's but not always.”

But why your DH’s father’s name rather than your own?

Those of you who changed because your DH’s was so much nicer, easier to spell, or you had ‘bad dads ‘: what have your brothers done? And your brother’s wives?

The first time yes
The second time no
I’m still Mrs first husbands name

Those of you who changed because your DH’s was so much nicer, easier to spell, or you had ‘bad dads ‘: what have your brothers done? And your brother’s wives?

Yes to this. Isn't it incredible how many girls grow up with horrible, hard to spell names, yet so many boys have nice sounding, easy to spell names?

Yes I thought after I posted the teacher comment it probably wasn't the best idea...

Not a problem as long as people are understanding when it is innocently gotten wrong. For example calling home and asking to speak to Mrs PupilsSurname to be met with a load of abuse about how that isn't their name etc. I once had a pupil A whose mum was Miss A and then got married and became Mrs B, Dad was Mr C. Letters, phone calls all got complicated; Mrs B once made a TA cry being so awful to her.

I'm absolutely not saying all teachers feel like this, I'm merely saying that due to my experience as a teacher dealing with many families who all have different names from each other, I appreciate the ease that comes with myself, DH and DC all having the same name.

Unless you make up a new one it's always going to be someone else's name you're saddled with - usually your father's but not always.

So according to you, a woman never has ownership of her own name but a man does? That is such bullshit!

This not being someone's chattel thing is bollocks, I chose to take on my married name, unlike my maiden name which was given to me before I was old enough to have any say in it as a sign of me belonging to my dad.

Surely it was more your mother’s name? After all, she chose it - unlike your dad, who had it given to him before he was old enough to have any say in it.

Not for several years.
I initially continues using my maiden name personally and professionally.
When I had DC1, I continued to use my maiden name professionally (I had an excellent reputation and didn't want risk confusing anyone) but changed my name for personal use.
When DC2 was born and I began working in a different area entirely (so no need for anyone to know my maiden name) I changed to my married name for all purposes.

The name I was given at birth is as much my name as the name my brother was given at birth. My problem is that I was expected to change mine upon marriage whereas he wasn't.

My name is my name... Not my father's, not my husband's, not my mother's... Mine.

My family are still a fucking family, we are still Team Us, I don't get arrested at passport control every time I attempt to leave the country with my kids and teachers/school staff always look at the name beside the emergency number they are ringing and use my actual name. And if they don't and get mixed up I tell them my actual name in the same way as I would if they called me Susan instead of Alice.

I really don't have a problem with people changing their names. I have a problem with people making up problems that just don't exist.

Nope - I was the major earner and changing my name would be like wiping out part of my CV !
Plus it saved changing my name when I got divorced....

No, I didn't, I couldn't imagine changing it. Kids have my husband's name, never had any problems having a different surname to them (we weren't even married until they went to school)

I'm often surprised that people think women have to change their name. Someone asked me "but what name have you got in your passport?", er, mine! MiL and one of her friends, "But, you are really Mrs Husband's name, aren't you" No, I'm really not. Even the registrar at our wedding commented that it was the last time I would be signing my old name. Sigh.

I changed. I could have claimed any of three surnames from within my family anyway so my first surname was a bit abstract and I had no biological connection to the wing of the family where it came from.

It was similar to DH's. Far too similar to pull off any double-barrelling without sounding ridiculous either way round.

I was happy to change to DH's pleasant, less common, straightforward surname so we formed a family unit sharing one surname. Within a few weeks, I was quite used to it, and it was similar enough that I didn't change my signiture. I'm happy that my DCs have a surname that connects them to their paternal family which live at a distance, many of them in another country.

The inconvenience of changing a few bits of paperwork has been outweighed by not having to tediously justify or correct not changing my name over the last decade.

Nearly all the couples I've known to marry have had the wife change. The odd one out being the couple double barrelling both their names because the husband had a very common firstname/ surname combination, and double barrelling gave them a nicer more distinctive name.

OK @Voodo. A family unit you say. 🙄🙄

No I didn't. I already had a DS as a single parent before I married DH, and DS has my surname, so that was one reason I wanted to keep it (DS was a teen by then and it would have been odd for him to change his surname to DH's). Plus I was just lazy and couldn't be bothered to change my name on all my accounts. I don't really have a career so it wasn't important to keep my name for professional reasons.

Almost all the women I know who have got married have changed their surnames though, I'm late 30s. People tend to be surprised to hear that I've kept my surname. But I don't mention it much, and I've never felt the need to justify it.

I have a DD with DH now, and she has DH's surname. I didn't want to give her mine as it's foreign, and I think she'll have an easier time in future to not have a name she'll have to spell out all the time. I've not had any issues so far with her having a different surname to me. We've never travelled through airports separately though.

I kept my surname -I'd got known by it in the wider work community and didn't want lose the links. My husband didn't mind either way. My daughter has my husband's name

I would never change my name and I would be disappointed if my daughter changed her name to her husband’s if she ever decided to marry

No. Not the norm in my husband's culture anyway, but I wouldn't have done it regardless.

Bit miffed our kids have his name but it's a faff to get them double barrelled in his country (years of paperwork) so we just didn't bother.

Yes but only because I love dh's surname as it sounds cool.

I plan to either double barrel or keep my own name. My partner and I have no plans for marriage yet but our names go quite well together whereas his name and my first name really don't.

Yes, I changed mine. Wasn't attached to my own.

I kept my name as I prefer it. My dh is from another country and everyone keeps their own name there. I don’t get why someone would change their name to some thing like Smith for example or Hunt.
Imagine if Jeremy Hunt’s parents had gone with the mother’s name he wouldn’t be called cunt all the time.

Not a problem as long as people are understanding when it is innocently gotten wrong. For example calling home and asking to speak to Mrs PupilsSurname to be met with a load of abuse about how that isn't their name etc
Surely the school has a system that states what the pupils parents names are? So if you're phoning a pupils home you presumably have to look up the number on the database where you can quickly check what the parents are called. I'd be mildly annoyed if a teacher phoned me at home without checking what my name is before ringing. Failing that, surely the teacher can say " hello, is that Tom Smith's mum?".