Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

@CorBlimeyGovenor she shouldn't have agreed to go then should she?

Christ, poor Anne trying to plan a lovely holiday for friends but ending up losing one! Dick sounds hideous.

I was having an interesting conversation with my mum last week (70) about how although my dad (her ex husband) was abusive (financially, emotionally, hideously controlling) she was very happy when married and she has never got over him leaving her, even though she eventually was able to recognise how abusive he was. She's said she would have described it as a happy marriage. She'd rather have continued being treated badly abd stay with him (and she is in a happy relationship now so not desperately lonely). I say this, because Carol may well be in an abusive relationship and not have a clue.

I hope you'll update OP, I can't see this being the last of it. What a shame when Anne just wanted to do something nice.

Just caught up with this thread...OMG the cheeky fuckery of some people! Absolutely staggering. Poor Anne, trying to do a nice thing and getting stressed by the sheer audacity of some people! Glad it's sorted now and hope you three have a fab time.

Anne sounds lovely!

Remove the stress and inject some fun by pretending that you're spies shaking a tail at the airport. Have a codename for he taxi guy's board ("Red squirrel"?) Go somewhere for lunch at the airport or a drink if you're worried and get the taxi to take you later. Personally I'd just get in the taxi straight away to the villa and assume they're not following. If they did, get the taxi to stop at a shop for supplies or something. I really don't think this would be an issue though. If it did happen, maybe hum the mission impossible theme tune, while evading them

Book her seat at the other end of the plane.

Do not tell them that the villa has been changed, so they don't feel the need to follow.

If Anne feels the need to tell Carol that the villa has changed for whatever reason, say it's downsized to one that only sleeps 3.

Turn your phones off for at least a couple of days, or just Anne. Don't meet up with Carol and her pig while you're there.

Have a laugh about it and enjoy your holiday.

Over the next months, keep an eye on Carol. It really does sound like she's married to a controlling arsehole.

As pp's have said I'd make sure that Anne, Barbara & you can get through flight and Villa transfer Carol.& Dick free. I'd also make sure that Barbara's DH (Eric? Eddie? Enrique? Sorry I can't remember) is fully briefed to make sure the entire golf club is aware of their cf'ery in their absence. Do you have a DH (Frank? Fred? Felipe?) who can substantiate the sheer level of nonsense

Anne does indeed sound like a really good egg, and thankfully has good friends.

I hope all goes well and that you enjoy a wonderful trip OP.

I bet Carol and dick are currently trying to work out which one of you they’re going to ask to move so they can sit together on the plane. 😁

I wouldn't tell anybody where the new villa is.
I'd happily tell everyone that the villa has been downsized - C&D Head will assume it's the same location - they are

Maybe it's about time she experienced what it was like being away from DH for a week and grew up. Nope, don't cancel go without her if need be and all enjoy.

Sorry hit post too soon.

They are likely to attempt to book as close as possible to the previous villa.
Oh sorry did we not mention the location change after the event.

Dick seeing the taxi pull away.

Anne is generously paying for Carol's flight and shouldn't cancel it. What you two is have a look at changing the flight bookings for the three of you on a flight either earlier or later and picking up any extra cost.

That would relive all the sneaking-round-the-airport-who-sits-where stress which none of you, especially Anne, should have to suffer.

I hope you have a bloody marvellous time, the three of you sound brilliant!

Insane! In a way I love threads like this because I realise that I am utterly normal!

That should read 'What you two could do'...

This needs to go into Classics!

I would try a little reverse psychology on her....

Can dh not cope on his own?
Do you not trust him?
Is he jealous? Does he not trust you etc etc

Any support Carol gave to Anne, Carol is swiftly undoing now and is clearly not a true friend to her like you and Barbara are. A pleasant gesture of gratitude ifrom Anne s being turned into Dick and Carol's sense of entitlement. Anne has little to lose cancelling Carol's flight - any future potential friendship is already tarnished by this - Carol's doing, not Anne's. Slide on Carol and Dick.

Book mark

I’ve a feeling Anne will have booked seats together when booking the flights. Is it possible to now amend this? Flight is going to be very awkward, I hope it doesn’t spoil it somewhat. Hope you all have a lovely time OP

I bet C&D don’t even go now.

Having to pay for their accommodation hardly makes it a free holiday now.

Also they are probably the type to order all the expensive stuff on the menu then expect to split the bill equally.

This is going to be a much more expensive week than they planned so they might not go.

Wby would a bloke want to tag along on a girls holiday.??? Sounds like his insecurities to me. Stand firm she should never of asked the question.

Why would a bloke want to tag along on a girls holiday.???

Because he's a pure CFer who wants to muscle in on a gift to his wife and get a free holiday for himself.

No clue about boundaries.

@CorBlimeyGovenor that's ridiculous. If she had those worries then she should've said so at the time of booking. You don't just assume your husband will be coming and assume you'll have the en suite.

Perfectly fine to have those fears, not fine to pretend you don't, let someone spend money on you and then change the goal posts.

I agree with a previous poster, change the flights to an earlier one and give Anne the difference as a 'gift' Will then take all stress out of the situation for her!