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Original poster

Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

999 replies

Oldbutstillgotit · 16/06/2019 09:43

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

OP posts:
Alwaysstressed999 · 17/06/2019 18:51

Wow! Just sat and read this through 😱 CF much!! Good luck OP! Hope you 3 have a blast! You certainly deserve it!!

UrsulaPandress · 17/06/2019 18:54

I wouldn’t tell them the Villa has changed.

Bearbehind · 17/06/2019 18:54

If all four names are on one flight booking would that mean you need to all be together to check in?

Actually that is a really good point - you will all need to check in together if Carol is still going as you will only have 1 booking reference

SenecaFalls · 17/06/2019 18:56

I've met men like him - older generation, think they know it all and the world revolves around them, considers women are subservient and his needs are more important

I seriously doubt that his age has anything to do with it. There are plenty of younger men who have this attitude. No need to insert ageism into the discussion.

whiteroseredrose · 17/06/2019 18:57

cavalier I've been on loads of girl only trips, sometimes with 15 of us. A great time is had by all!

StarbucksSmarterSister · 17/06/2019 18:59

you will all need to check in together if Carol is still going as you will only have 1 booking reference

If it's online check in it shouldn't matter much. Anne can just e mail the boarding pass to CF

taxiforme · 17/06/2019 19:00

If there is any risk that they will muscle in on the taxi - just let the taxi driver know. A simple, no whilst pointing at them will suffice.

As for the villa. Let the owners or company know if there is a problem with uninvited guests. Let them deal with it.

Unless they are completely deranged and physically barge their way into the taxi and break into the villa all you need to do is to keep up the calm, no. Goodbye.

I would be surprised if it came to any of this to be honest and really hope that it doesn't. Hope you have a smashing time.

ThisMama1 · 17/06/2019 19:00

Wow, just read the thread & what cheeky f*ckers, the both of them! This is something my sis would do & not even with a hubby, just the latest fella. Hope you have an amazing holiday OP & that there’s no more drama x

Anonmummyoftwo · 17/06/2019 19:03

Id message carol tonight and say just a reminder for you and your beloved dick to make sure you have sorted accommodation, i assume with the fact he already booked his flight this will have been sorted already. I wouldnt tell her about the change of villa. Shes a grown ass woman and hes bumming on about a free holiday. Honestly id look online and send her a few cheep hotel listings and id make a point of saying not everything is free. Id tell her also i hope her and dick enjoy there holiday and make sure they say hello in passing. At the airport i wouldnt even bother speaking to them. Hes a dick and shes a silly twat. I hope the 3 of you have an amazing time and i hope dick and her get sunburn

happybunny007 · 17/06/2019 19:06

Stop referring to yourself as old! I am nearly your age, and not old at all!!!

JaneEB · 17/06/2019 19:07

Ask them what seats they have booked on the plane, ostensibly so as to actually be able to speak on the plane, then book the ones as far away as possible. Not sure if you should try and get of the plane early, or hide and make sure they are off a long time before you, either way you need to hit the taxi area preferably after them so they can't follow you, or make sure they do not see you getting in the taxi.

What I mainly wanted to say is I hope you three have a wonderful holiday, you may well have dodged a bullet here and it sounds like the three of you should be able to have a great time.

GreenTulips · 17/06/2019 19:10

Actually if Ann had pre booked seats Ann would still be near - no doubt asking one of you to change seats so her and Dick could sit together

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/06/2019 19:13

If all four names are on one flight booking would that mean you need to all be together to check in?

Not necessarily; as a last resort you can check in using just passport ID, as I did myself when my travel companion lost the paperwork at the last minute. The crucial point is for the desk agent to know it's you, and a passport's enough for that

testingtesting111 · 17/06/2019 19:15

Wouldn't even bother telling them about the change in Villa. They've been told they can't stay and to make arrangements. Worst case they log onto booking.com or something similar on arrival and book something for that night.

Idontlikecheesecake · 17/06/2019 19:16

Im thinking maybe he’s being controlling and doesn’t want her to go away without him for a week?

Turner69 · 17/06/2019 19:17

The fact that she's said she couldn't travel one way alone if she only came for a few days suggests to me that she probably is very anxious, rather than just a CF who wants a free holiday for her husband.

That doesn't mean he can come though. I personally would avoid a lunch to discuss it if it would just be the 3 of you arguing against her, I can't see that ending well. I think a one on one discussion where you tell her that you're all sympathetic and you'll all be really supportive if she comes and help her all you can if she's feeling anxious, but that unfortunately her husband really cannot come. Then it's up to her whether she comes or not.

Turner69 · 17/06/2019 19:22

Posted before reading all the comments! Shock having read a few more I see things have moved on...maybe leaning towards CF now!

WelshMoth · 17/06/2019 19:22

I'd definitely alert them that the holiday offer is withdrawn.

Anything else is going to leave you all, especially Anne, wondering "what if what if" and it's meant to be a relaxing holiday.

Who can enjoy wondering whether a taxi is going to rumble up? Every knock of the door? No thanks.
Sort it now, cancel her flight or at least tell her that if she wants it, then to sort her own accommodation out with her grabby husband, as the original booking has been cancelled.

Stress free holiday!!!

Ginburee · 17/06/2019 19:22

Oh my goodness, the barefaced cheek of it reminds me of a post from last year. The yoniquebot hen party goer who messed every one around, turned up late and nabbed the bride to Ben's bedroom- and took along her husband and child.
I think she will need to be with you to check in, I would encourage Anne to post in the group that to her the holiday is ruined and she has cancelled the villa and will cancel/change the flights but Anne is not welcome to join them.
Good luck OP and please have a great time. X

Georgepigthedragon · 17/06/2019 19:26

It sounds like Dick was the appropriate name choice for this ladies husband. What a stressful situation. I think you have a good plan so enhoy yourselves and try to ignore them

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/06/2019 19:28

Before blaming Dick for everything, let's remember that CF women can be CFs all by themselves - and even if he didn't want her to go, Carol could have indicated that in the first place

That said, OP told us there may be some coercion going on, and wondered if Carol might open up in future - except she's not going to do that if they leave her stranded in Spain, to say nothing of how a controlling man might behave under such circumstances

All of which is perhaps another reason to let her know in good time that they won't be with the group ... and yes, I'd include Dick's golf club bragging in the explanation. If she still "can't see what the problem is" after all that, there really is no hope

SenecaFalls · 17/06/2019 19:31

Stop referring to yourself as old! I am nearly your age, and not old at all!!!

I'm old. What exactly do you see wrong with being old? It's not a moral failure.

dontdoxmeeither · 17/06/2019 19:43

I'm betting they don't book alternative accommodation and are banking on the groups generosity when they follow them through and from airport. Cue Daily Fail "we were left stranded" faces.

The whole thing has been spoilt I fear

ememem84 · 17/06/2019 19:47

I’d absolutely stop for lunch on the way from the airport to the villa. And or stall leaving the airport. Maybe schedule the taxi for a bit later than the current scheduled time. To give them the slip.

mummmy2017 · 17/06/2019 19:50

Maybe you can post on the old group chat, hope you booked a hotel, as under no circumstances will there be room at the villa..