Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

Definitely reckon Anne should cancel Carol's flight. Stuff them right over. CF's!

OMFG I can't believe the cheek of Carol and Dick. Good on Anne for changing the villa. I hope C&D have to pay a fucking fortune for alternative accommodation. Hope you, Anne & Barbara have a fabulous break.

I think you should all keep quiet about accommodation until as Anne says a day or so before. Just drop on the group chat, "A smaller villa has become available so Ive managed to save a bit of cash"

Don't mention the location change.

It's unbelievable how rude people can be. If i were Anne, this would be the end of my friendship with Carol.

Agree with ^^ Anne should post on the old WhatsApp group some thing along the lines of "hope you don't mind ladies as there's just the 3 of us now, I've found a smaller villa, which sleeps 4, in (name of fake town). Managed to save a bit of cash. Looking forward to our holiday" that should stop the CFers turning up at the original villa. Cannot believe these people. Hope you all have a fab holiday OP.

I'm in shock at the cheek of it...what a dicks they both are.

Wow just caught up with this and can't believe the CFery..

I'm willing to bet that Carroll and Dick will "not have found any accommodation" and will try and squirm their way into the villa on arrival. OP I wish you a good holiday.

Can you not get Anne to cancel Carol's flight? You can all do without the airport stress. She could just put a message on the old group to say that because her offer has been abused she's cancelled the original plans.

If she doesn't cancel the flight and Carol & Dick have the apartment details I suspect they'd race to a taxi to get there first to make a land grab for the best room.

It's clear that Dick has behaved very badly but it is less clear about Carol.

He may be an accomplished coercive controller, in which case, Carol will be desperate to defend him and make everything right for him. He, in return, will blame and punish her for everything he doesn't like.

In case this is how things are for them, please don't leave them to find out about the change of villa at the last minute.

I think it's unlikely they would turn up expecting to muscle their way into your villa but, if they do turn up at some point and he feels humiliated, she will take the brunt of it, on her own in a foreign country.

Please let her know in advance.

I think Anne should email Carol:
“Dear Carol, I booked this girls holiday as a present to you and was SO looking forward to treating you all. Since you have tried to shoehorn your husband into the plans, going so far as to book his flight before telling me, you have ruined it and completely changed the dynamic. I am horrified to find that Dick has been boasting locally about how he has snagged a free holiday and am heartbroken that my generosity has been abused in this way. I have decided to cancel the whole thing* and have a rethink. Please do not contact me for a while - you and Dick have behaved monstrously but I do not think you will realise it. Anne”

*obvs dont cancel - just Carol’s flight.

Conversation at Carol's could have been:
C: Anne is taking us girls on a holiday to Spain for a week!
D: a week? What am I supposed to do for a week?
C: ... I don't know, we can buy food for the fridge...
D: but what about the cleaning? How am I going to cope with the washing and everything? You cannot leave me for a full week!
C: you can order takeaway?
D: if I'm going to order take away here, I might as well order take away there! Can I not go?
C: well, I don't know...
D: it won't cost a penny more, she doesn't have to pay extra, as I'd be sleeping with you. I will get room service, so no bother to any of you. Then you can meet your friends and I'll be just around to the pool and the restaurant, I'll be no bother.
C: actually, that might work, that's a great idea!
D: ok, sorted (goes and books the flight)
C: ok, let me tell them and see what they say
D: well, it's booked now, so can't really not go!
Etc.

Make sure the friend of a friend knows about this and s/he doesn't tell Dick&Carole where you have moved to!!

Have a great holiday! And please please update afterwards!!

Gobsmacked by this thread and furious at Carol.

OP, if I were you I’d have to send her a message along the lines of...

“We were all invited on the basis it was a girls holiday. That was very clear, so it’s very surprising that you booked flights for Dick without raising your concerns first, not least because we are Anne’s guests at the villa. Anne has been generous to a fault and after everything she has been through, she deserves the holiday she has so thoughtfully planned for us. She has already had to make changes to her original plans given that now only 3 of us need accommodation and she doesn’t need any more stress. I wish you and Dick a pleasant holiday, but please heed that Anne really needs this break and as originally planned, we are all looking forward to a girls-only week.”

Or you could just go with “get to fuck, Carol”

Either way, stick up for ( the wonderful) Anne.

I am agog at this thread.
Shamelessly following to see how you outwit Carole and Dick.
Definitely cancel her flight.

Wow just wow

As I have said previously, Anne is a lovely person. She won’t cancel Carol’s flight as she still feels that she deserves a thank you gift for the support she gave Anne over a few years .
She has composed an email which expresses her disappointment and sadness at what has happened but also her annoyance that Dick tried to muscle in . She is also saying that she has changed the villa but isn’t giving any details about location etc
Hopefully everything will be ok but I admit to feeling uneasy .

I agree it would be better to tell Carole firmly that you will now be staying somewhere else and that she and Dick are not welcome at all: they can enjoy their holiday on their own.

Anne is too nice for her own good but probably right in the long run. It sounds like she would do anything for a quiet life (which is not an insult btw). At least now everyone knows where they stand even bloody Dickhead. Hope you ladies have a lovely holiday with no grief. You definitely need to report back to us.

She's handling it perfectly.

So the "anxiety" was really about having to admit to the fact to her lovely friend that she and Dick had planned a joint holiday at Anne's expense! I'd feel bloody anxious about that too!!

Yeah, and the Costa Del Sol has quite a bit of accommodation - although it might be more Torremolinos than Marbella 😂

I should clarify that by dangerous, I don’t mean they’re going to get kidnapped or the like. Just that they could end up being mugged or something, if they end up wandering into the wrong part of whatever town they’re in. Granted dangerous was probably too strong a word. I’ve been to Spain a few times so no, I wasn’t comparing it to Syria.

Will you be greeted by the owners / agent when you arrive at the villa?
Presumably if Carole and Dick are not on the booking; they will be turned away?

Do you think Carole and Dick believe that they will both be free to hang around with you all day, even if they are staying in separate accommodation? It wouldn't surprise me, so I would make it clear that neither of them will be welcome (if that is the case).

They have the same mentality as the Mexican house thieves.

This reminds me of my nightmare cruise with my mum.

She booked and paid for a cruise for her and her abusive lazy husband with stays in Italy either side. A few days before, she turned up at my flat hysterical. He had beaten her up, waterboarded her and threatened to kill her, and shredded his passport to upset her (she managed to hide hers and get out).

She came to stay with us. Begged me to go on the 3 week trip with her, which meant dropping my life, cancelling work I had booked, leaving DH at home, etc.

Within a couple of days of getting to Rome I overheard lovey dovey phone calls between them. I was not happy with her.

Then about 3 days into the cruise I overheard her on the phone saying “so when does your flight get in”?

He tried to book on to the cruise but there was no space so they conspired to fly me home and fly him out when the cruise finished. I literally flew out a couple of hours before he arrived.

She honestly couldn’t understand why I was so upset. But this is also the woman who bought my DSis and BIL a trip to Venice and then invited herself along for the whole thing.

Very long winded way of saying that some people have zero self awareness and are inherently selfish.

On the other hand I do worry that he’s horribly controlling. I’m not saying you should let him or her come along, I’d just look out for her.