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Original poster

Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

999 replies

Oldbutstillgotit · 16/06/2019 09:43

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

OP posts:
Mia184 · 17/06/2019 18:24

You should definitely ask the taxi driver to not hold up a sign with Anne‘s real name. How about asking him to write „Anne & friends“?

nuxe1984 · 17/06/2019 18:24

My first thought on reading this post was that Carol was being controlled by her DH and he didn't want her to go away without her. Mind you, if that was the case she would have said no at the beginning.

And reading updates from the OP it's obvious that they have colluded on this from the beginning. Carol may have tried to stop Dick from booking a flight, etc. but possibly not. He decided from the get-go that he was going to get them a "free" holiday out of this and she's done nothing about it, leaving it until the last minute to tell everyone else, presumably cos she thought it would be too late to do anything about it.
I'm glad that the two of you have supported Anne and the fact that she is much happier shows how much this was worrying her. Carol knew what a bad time she's been through and was possibly hoping that she was still vulnerable and wouldn't be able to stand her ground or want any nastiness about all this.
Good also that you've changed the villa booking. Just DON'T tell anyone where the new one is although I guess it's up to you whether you mention to Carol that you've changed your accommodation plans so won't be staying in the same villa. You don't have to … you've told her that this is women-only and that her & hubbie aren't invited … and if they turn up at the (wrong) villa then that's their problem.
Dick sounds appalling. I've met men like him - older generation, think they know it all and the world revolves around them, considers women are subservient and his needs are more important. He would totally take over your holiday, only do whatever he wanted to do, insist on eating when he wanted to eat, etc.
Have a great holiday …. without Carol & Dick ….

flumposie · 17/06/2019 18:29

Wow. Cheeky sods.

HJWT · 17/06/2019 18:29

Hope we get a update at the end 😁

saraclara · 17/06/2019 18:30

Honestly, having read this entire thread, I wouldn't even tell them that you've swapped villas. They'll only pester you for details, or be primed to follow you.
If they don't know you've swapped, then they'll simply make their own travel arrangements from the airport, without thinking about where you're headed.

You can expect a message saying 'we went to the villa but you're not there' of course. But you simply remind them that she was told he couldn't visit, and that as there were now only three of you. you changed accommodation. And end the conversation there.

It sounds hard, but really they don't deserve anything more than that.

grannieali · 17/06/2019 18:33

Astonishing! Never been away from husband for years and years? Something definitely wrong there.

StarB3 · 17/06/2019 18:34

Maybe it's Carol's husband that is insisting to her that he go? Maybe he is controlling and won't be away from her? Maybe I'm wrong. Just a thought. Either way, do not let him go. Go the three of you if she keeps insisting. Don't cancel

JemSynergy · 17/06/2019 18:35

How ridiculous. I wouldn't be bending over backwards to get Carol an apartment with her husband (as suggested above) why should she? Anne has paid for a villa, if Carol can't do anything without her husband in tow then I'd be inclined to say don't come.

DaisyStarburst · 17/06/2019 18:38

No need to tell Carol the villa has been changed but I hope the original one will be let out again as I can see them turning up, finding it empty, breaking in and having a free holiday anyway. No need to worry about them following you at the airport if they don't know the villa has been changed as they will just make their way there with no need to follow you.

Lunde · 17/06/2019 18:38

I think I would get Anne to drop into the message group that now that Carol and Dick are getting their own accommodation I have downsized our accommodation to a 3 person unit.

I don't think for one minute that Dick and Carol intend to go anywhere other that your Villa - especially with Dick boasting that he has blagged a free holiday! They are still fully expecting to be in the ensuite room at Anne's expense. Otherwise I can see a lot of unpleasantness that may spoil the holiday for Anne when Dick and Carol try to get into your taxi, follow you to your villa and throw a huge guilt tripping tantrum to let them stay.

CFs like this will not put their hands in their pockets and their very vague undertaking to try and find their own accommodation sounds very wishy washy and most likely a lie.

Nanny0gg · 17/06/2019 18:39

Good luck OP - hope all goes well.

I'm a 60-something granny...

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 17/06/2019 18:40
Shock
strawberrisc · 17/06/2019 18:40

Seriously. Change her name to Fanny.

I really hope Dick and Fanny turn up for their 'free accomodation'.

coconuttelegraph · 17/06/2019 18:41

Good result but I'd be very worried about what's going to happen at the airport both before the flight and at the other end. Imo you really need to make it crystal clear that there is no accomodation for them, if the DH is abusive what's going to happen to the poor wife when he realises what you've done and it's too late, you aren't going to be able to hide on the plane

Hunstanton · 17/06/2019 18:41

cavalier it must be the people you know (or you) as i can confirm all female hols are bloody great

FizzyGreenWater · 17/06/2019 18:42

Definitely detour for some girly shopping before you make your way to the new villa. And maybe a coffee or two.

FizzyGreenWater · 17/06/2019 18:42

Oh and yes all female anything is generally utterly fab in my experience.

cuppycakey · 17/06/2019 18:43

I agree with PP, I think Anne should cancel Carols flight. Cheeky fucking bitch.

You will still see them at the airport. Had you not allocated seats together? And the return flight will be interesting! I would not tell Carol about the change of villa either. Why would you? It's fuck all to do with her.

I cannot see how it will be "dangerous" for Carol if she doesn't book accommodation. This is Spain, not Syria, right?

cccameron · 17/06/2019 18:44

It's hilarious that people think it's dangerous to not have pre booked accommodation. How do you think the millions upon millions of backpackers have survived over the years Grin

I'm glad you have sorted the villa OP and hope you have a wonderful time. If I was Anne though I'd be cancelling the flight or would ask another friend and get the names transferred.

Beatrixinvogue · 17/06/2019 18:46

What's a CF?

wowfudge · 17/06/2019 18:48

A Cheeky Fucker

nuxe1984 · 17/06/2019 18:49

Definitely detour for some girly shopping before you make your way to the new villa. And maybe a coffee or two.

Coffee ?????

I think a glass or two of wine might be more in order!

cstaff · 17/06/2019 18:50

CF = cheeky fucker

FanfictionFan · 17/06/2019 18:50

Well done to Anne and her friends for standing up to blatent cfery.

Please update OP when you get to the airport.

FWIW I wouldn't tell the cheeky sods the apartment has been changed.

Condamine · 17/06/2019 18:51

If all four names are on one flight booking would that mean you need to all be together to check in?
I suppose if you are hand luggage only that wouldn't be relevant.