Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

As PP ha e said, perhaps Anne ought to say that her sister/cousin etc may come out to stay in the spare bedroom ... stopping any shenanigans from the cheeky Carol and her Dick 🤨

Agree with the PP saying someone else is going. Is there anyone you can add to the whatsapp group for a bit more effect?

I hope you have a lovely time. It sounds like Anne doesnt need this stress at all.

I can’t believe the audacity of some people! @Soola - your suggestion is the best made and me laugh! But, seriously, I think I would be on the verge of cancelling the whole thing and going somewhere else. I can just imagine Carol & Dick turning up at the villa saying that they haven’t got anywhere to stay! I think the friendship has been put under too much strain for anything to work now.

Does carol know the villa details? I can just see them turning up with no intentions of finding somewhere else to stay.

I can’t understand why anyone would indulge this woman.

She may have been supportive previously but her outrageous behaviour over this free holiday has revealed her true colours.

I’d be suspicious that all along she wasn’t a real friend and was just waiting for something like to come up so that she could take advantage.

Anne really needs to understand that being nice to someone doesn’t mean letting them get away with using her.

I agree with the idea of letting Carol think you are changing to a smaller villa then blocking texts/calls for the duration of the break. The point is that no one wants the guy along on their holiday. Not teallynthat you don’t want him in the villa per se. It’s not “find other accommodation and we’ll see you there” it’s “carol, our holiday is no longer shared”

I can also see Carol and Dick just turning up and expecting to stay. I'd be suggesting to Anne that she books an alternative venue, preferably in another town. Then doesn't tell Carol where it is.

This is absolutely outrageous behaviour on Carol's part. This is a classic example of 'kicking 'a gift horse in the mouth.

*Carol - the problem is that this was planned as an all female holiday - four female friends together - and having anyone’s husband come along will completely change the dynamics of the group - frankly, it will spoil the holiday.

The other problem is that it was rude and entitled for Dick to book flights before you even had the courtesy to ask if this would be OK. Suspicious minds might think he was hoping we would be too polite to say No.

But, to reiterate, this is a girls only holiday, and Dick is not welcome to any part of it.”*

Someone has to say this to her. As others have said, they’re going to think they’re joining in even if they do get round to staying somewhere else. You have to be as blunt with her as she has been with you. Tell the group on WhatsApp that the plans have changed because Carol is now not coming even if they haven’t; as others have said, you don’t want them rocking up with a sob story about their hotel being double booked....

It’s not “find other accommodation and we’ll see you there” it’s “carol, our holiday is no longer shared”

This is a very succinct way of putting it!

It’s not “find other accommodation and we’ll see you there” it’s “carol, our holiday is no longer shared”

I would actually tell Anne to send this. And say the villa has been changed to a 3 bed.

Absolutely agree with the bit Natalia quoted from a PP. You're not out of the woods OP, this holiday still has potential to be completely spoiled.

I suggest a message from Anne in the WhatsApp group along the lines of "good news ladies, now that there are only 3 of us needing rooms, I've been able to switch our booking to a smaller cheaper villa, here..." and then link to a matching property miles away from the original.
This firstly draws a line in the sand that there is absolutely no spare room for them, whatever bullshit excuse they might be planning to spin, and secondly sends them on a wild goose chase to come and gatecrash (because obviously it's all a lie and you'll still be in the original villa)

This is hilarious but awful too. So are you all going to try avoid eachother when your on holiday? Or will Carol join you for days/ nights out etc & leave Dick at home?

What an absolutely horrible couple. I don't know anyone who would be as arrogant to do this. Just awful. How big is the resort? Is it likely you will be able to avoid them? Because there is no doubt in my mind they will rock up on your holiday, probably by turning up at the villa saying that they couldn't find alternative accommodation. The way she used her DH coming to get the best ensuite room as well! They clearly have no shame.

I agree with a pp here
I would message the group myself. 'Carol and Dick, you need to find other accommodation, not just 'will look. What you did is totally not on and we need to draw a line under this. Dick isn't invited. It's a women's only holiday and will remain this,' and stick up for Ann here because she is in a weak position because people like Carol and Dick have rhino hides and they will come back with 'we tried to find another place but couldn't

I think this is perfect and would absolutely message her with it. Poor Anne!

To be fair 'will look' could also mean actually doing it. I know people who use that phrase to mean so.

That's about the only positive thing I can say about Carol and Dick(head) though. I'd also be concerned they'd show up at the villa and ruin the mood.

OP is there any way at all Anne could get the villa changed to one in another town or at least just a different one that Carol won't know the address of? She deserves a calm holiday, not one marred by cheeky fuckers showing up to cause drama.

Even if they do find alternative accommodation, you can bet your bottom dollar they will come coooeeee-ing at the door most days thereby spoiling the dynamic anyway.

Does Carol know the location of the villa? If yes, I would look into changing it. Smaller one/different location or whatever.

Is Carol really so bloody dense and ungrateful that she thinks she can dictate the terms of a gift? This is a gift from Ann!! So, so bloody rude!!

I echo pp in that they're going to be hanging around you. Change villa, make it clear he's not welcome around you at all. Especially as he's been so rude.

If you three have any sense at all you will change the dates, the villa, or preferably both!

You do know they will turn up and either spend the entire time with you, with Dick dominating/drinking and then oooooh we can't get home we're too drunk, or they will turn up with nothing booked and manipulate you into them staying?

They'll ruin the holiday. End of. So either gird your loins ready for that OR change, change, change while you still can!!!

Something similar happened to me. My self and two other friends booked a 4 bed villa own pool etc in Crete out of season it was really cheap. Anyhow one friend asked if her Dad could come . She asked when I was slightly merry pissed so I said um yes ok . In the cold light of day I didn't have the heart to tell her no.
The other friend didn't seem to mind or so I thought ....

Any how he did come and insisted on accompanying us everywhere . It was so awkward . He also insisted on being a driver for the hire car but then wouldn't drive , so my other friend got stuck with all the driving.

They are so going to turn up at the villa, and stay!

^ This. I‘d tell Carol that you have changed the villa for a smaller place (even if you haven‘t) and keep your phones in flight mode for most of the time whilst on vacation.

Dick's surname isn't Head by any chance, is it?

That would be rather apt!

Can Anne change the villa booking?i’d also see if you can change the flights otherwise you’d have to be looking at Carol’s and Dick’s sour-faces on both flights!

Why isn’t this in the Day Mail yet? I want Carol and Dick to recognise themselves and know that everyone thinks they are twats.

Is the expectation that Carol will join you women for occasional drinks/meals etc? If so, then I'd make it very clear now - in writing - that Dick must not come to the villa and he is not invited to any meals/drinks/excursions while you are away. In fact you don't want to see him at all. If the plan is to meet up with Carol occasionally then I'd think carefully. If she's anxious about travelling to or from the holiday destination on her own (if she were to go for a few days) then she will probably be too anxious to travel between her accommodation and the villa on her own and will insist on Dick accompanying her. If the information hasn't already been shared then I'd definitely not give Carol the address or name of the villa.