Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

”Carol has responded on WhatsApp saying that she still doesn’t understand the problem”

I think you need to spell it out for Carol, @Oldbutstillgotit:

“Carol - the problem is that this was planned as an all female holiday - four female friends together - and having anyone’s husband come along will completely change the dynamics of the group - frankly, it will spoil the holiday.

The other problem is that it was rude and entitled for Dick to book flights before you even had the courtesy to ask if this would be OK. Suspicious minds might think he was hoping we would be too polite to say No.

But, to reiterate, this is a girls only holiday, and Dick is not welcome to any part of it.”

I’ve heard it all now! She doesn’t understand the problem? Surely she can’t be that dense?

They'll think they're joining you, just staying elsewhere. Anne should definitely cancel Carol's flight.

I bet they’re heavy drinkers and will want to come on every meal so they can drink like fish and pressurise you all into splitting the bill with them even though you three women won’t have drunk nearly half as much as them!

Oh, c'mon! Talk about jumping to wild conclusions! They're just a pair of CFers after a free couples holiday.

Yes she probably still thinks they are going to join you everyday. If so, what is the problem with them staying in the actual villa too? Looking at it like that, what is the problem?

You need to make it clear to her that you don't want to see him whatsoever during the holiday. She hasn't got this message yet.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius has worded it perfectly Op, you should send that message.

OK, I just RTFT and seriously what the fuck is wrong with Carol and Dick!?!

I have a sad feeling that Carol won't be one of Anne's close friends any more after this supposid "holiday'

To be fair Bruce, it's not based on nothing at all.

This CF wants her husband to come and stay free of charge, and she wants the en suite!

The problem, Carol, is also that the trip is expressly a 'thank you' to the three friends who've supported Anne.

Has Dick supported Anne? No?

Then that's why he wasn't invited.

Oh dear.
Some people are deliberately thick aren't they?

I think you are all going to have to - again- make it really clear that even though the DH and Carol intend to stay elsewhere, it is a girls only trip, and that he won't be joining you for outings etc. You don't want him around at all. Otherwise it'll be boorish DH for every breakfast, lunch , dinner and trip except when you are all asleep.

If she doesn't get it before you go, she won't get it while you are there.
You are all going to have to spell it out in black and white. He is not invited, you don't want to spend time with him, and it's defeating the point of the trip.

Good luck.

@Oldbutstillgotit does carol have the villa details?

Spot on, SDTG.

OP Dick really is a good name to chose for Carol's husband 🤬 ... what a twat!

Poor Anne - what an amazing gift and it's all been tucked up by a CF.

Mother & Kate are spot on I think. She doesn’t see the problem because she thinks they are joining you every day anyway.

I’d definitely cancel the whole thing & Book
Elsewhere

Or change to the week before! That’ll show them.

Yes, totally let them know he’s not to be joining you’s in the daytime

I definitely think something needs to change on the booking, downsize the accommodation or else they will end up in it. But i would also consider same flights but different resort, or same flights but different week.

I really wouldn't want to be constantly looking over my shoulder saying where are they or days getting organised around them.

They so aren't going to book anything at all.
They know there's a bedroom going spare

I'd now be saying on the WhatsApp group 'Great news, Debbie can come instead and take the bedroom that's going spare!'

They will show up at the villa. That is very clear. They'll say they couldn't find anywhere and knew they wouldn't mind.

"Great news, Debbie can come instead and take the bedroom that's going spare!'"

Or something along the lines of "I have changed the villa to a three bedroomed one as there are now only three of us going"

Great idea Tapas

I am related to a carol & dick., lets call them John & Mary, Mary in this situation would make a show at the airport on arrival of going of to this accommodation, then rock up at the villa later saying there had been a mix up & they had no accommodation booked after all. You have to let us stay. There could be tears & pleading. Then John & Mary would spend the week whispering & sniggering to each other. They would try to dictate where you went & what you did. John will dislike just about everything & sigh dramatically If you say anything anything at all to Mary she’ll get furious & say but he’s my HUSBAND, how dare you

OP when's the holiday happening?

Have just read this thread! Absolutely unbelievable - well done for you 3 sticking to your guns!