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Original poster

Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

999 replies

Oldbutstillgotit · 16/06/2019 09:43

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

OP posts:
Starlight456 · 16/06/2019 21:14

Really is though even if dh is controlling the solution is not to allow him to come .

AnotherEmma · 16/06/2019 21:14

I think there is a risk they will turn up at the villa. Does Carol have the details; did Anne send her a link to the online listing or forward the booking confirmation email?

IStillMissBlockbuster · 16/06/2019 21:16

Yes, i'm afraid that this is not at all resolved. If she has the address of the villa, they may well both arrive, bags and all.

OrdinarySnowflake · 16/06/2019 21:16

If Anne has paid for the villa and flights, can you and Barbara pay for you 3 to have an upgrade on the flights so you are up front while Carol and Dick are back in cattle?

TheRedBarrows · 16/06/2019 21:17

Speechless.

Anne is being extremely magnanimous. I’m not sure why Carol should benefit from a free flight for a hol with her DH.

The sheer brass neck in accepting a free flight under those circumstances!

BedraggledBlitz · 16/06/2019 21:18

Jesus I'm embarrassed for them.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/06/2019 21:22

Pair of CFers whatever the reason-I suspect it’s more that he thought they’d get a cheap holiday for the two of them I.e. one flight-and get to have the master suite with en-suite as well “to keep out of the way”
Fuck that shit and well done for telling them so.
And yes I would actually cancel her reservation.

IHeartArya · 16/06/2019 21:25

Did Anne book through an agent by any chance? If yes I’d be on the phone to them asking to see if they can change your booking to another villa. Otherwise see if you can do so. I’d rather pay an amendment fee than risk them turning up

MorningRichie · 16/06/2019 21:25

Id be cancelling her flight but not telling her. The entertainment at the airport when he can board but she can't would he immense.

fedup21 · 16/06/2019 21:26

pair of CFers whatever the reason-I suspect it’s more that he thought they’d get a cheap holiday for the two of them I.e. one flight-and get to have the master suite with en-suite as well “to keep out of the way”

I agree with this.

EdtheBear · 16/06/2019 21:28

What a pair of CFers!

Anne sounds such a kind hearted soul.

But i agree why is she still paying for Carols flight if she cancels she'll at least get some thing back and the airport taxes. I agree with the other poster who said you should post 'Don't be silly Ann.....'

I hope she is going to attempt to down size the accommodation. A 3 bedroom villa should at least save her a bit of cash.

Hope you are all doing ok after this close shave.

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 16/06/2019 21:32

This is such a shame, you should all be excited and looking forward to the trip and I suspect Anne may now wish that she'd never suggested it. I hope things work out, but it sums that if Carol and Dick use their flights, it'll cast a shadow over the holiday just knowing they're nearby.

MrsCollinssettled · 16/06/2019 21:35

Anne has to cancel the flight or change the accommodation. As a pp said you can lay money that they'll push for one of you to move seats on the flight so they can sit together. Sounds like the 3 of you would be constantly cringing in his company.

GreenTulips · 16/06/2019 21:35

Tell Ann not to let this out a dampener on things and you’ll have a great time in the sun

AnotherEmma · 16/06/2019 21:35

YY, Anne should cancel Carol's flight and see if she can switch from a 4 bed to a 3 bed villa. She will probably save a bit of money that way and you will all be more relaxed knowing that Carol can't just turn up!

Skyejuly · 16/06/2019 21:35

I would change my flight 100%

Original poster
Oldbutstillgotit · 16/06/2019 21:36

Anne is lovely . A truly kind and considerate friend. The reason she has given Carol the flight is because she still feels that she should acknowledge Carol’s support .
Carol has responded on WhatsApp saying that she still doesn’t understand the problem however she and Dick will look for other accommodation.
I still feel a bit uneasy but maybe another glass of wine would help ?

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 16/06/2019 21:37

Carol seems like she’s being controlled by Dick. [giggle]

I have a feeling if Anne cancels Carol’s ticket, Dick will fly out anyway and will have a holiday by himself, leaving Carol alone at home. He seems a big enough asshole to do that. I’d directly ask her if he’s abusive and controlling.

notmuchmoretogive · 16/06/2019 21:37

Another glass of wine may! Wine

MsJaneAusten · 16/06/2019 21:38

I really can’t see how she doesn’t get this. FFS Carol, it’s a girls’ holiday

ememem84 · 16/06/2019 21:40

Cannot believe the cheek of some people!!

yellowgreenbluepurple · 16/06/2019 21:40

So strange

Italiangreyhound · 16/06/2019 21:40

That's really sad and really unfair on Anne.

Hope things go well for the three of you.

ChicCroissant · 16/06/2019 21:42

Didn't you respond on WhatsApp, OP? To say that it would be completely unacceptable for Dick to share the accommodation?

MoveOnTheCards · 16/06/2019 21:43

They are going to turn up at the villa! Anne needs to get Carol to reimburse her for her flight or cancel her ticket. Otherwise she’s still on the booking and can pitch up for the accommodation (unless all booked separately and Carol isn’t listed as a guest at the villa?).