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Original poster

Friend wants her DH to come on all female holiday.

999 replies

Oldbutstillgotit · 16/06/2019 09:43

A few months ago a good friend , Anne, invited me and 2 other friends Barbara and Carol on holiday (These are not real names but I thought it would be easier than ABC etc) .
The background is that Anne has had a terrible few years and has needed a lot of support which we have willingly given. Thankfully she is now much better so decided that she wanted to treat us . She insisted that she was paying for a villa in the sun for a week plus flights . Very generous and we all said it wasn’t necessary but Anne really wanted to do this.
Further information, to avoid drip feed, is that Anne, Barbara and I have known each other for other 30 years since our DC were in Primary School. Anne knows Carol through a couple of interests but Barbara and I have met Carol several times and she has always been pleasant and fun.
Anyway, the villa and flights were booked and everything was fine. Until yesterday. I switched on my phone to a flurry of messages on our WhatsApp group, starting with Carol asking if it is ok if her DH comes on holiday ! Anne replied saying “ very funny, of course not”.
There are then loads of exchanges which are basically Carol saying that she has never been away from her DH for a week , the thought is making her anxious , he would be “ no bother” etc etc . To everything Anne has said no but Carol kept pushing. She even said that if they had the bedroom with the ensuite we would hardly see him !
I contacted Anne to see if she was ok . She was quite upset .
Yesterday afternoon, Anne , Barbara and I met for a coffee to discuss . Both Barbara and I said the decision was Anne’s but neither of us was happy at the prospect of a DH being there as it would totally change the dynamic.
The 4 of us are meeting for lunch later . Anne says she will cancel if Carol persists .
Anyone any suggestions ?

OP posts:
TapasForTwo · 16/06/2019 20:30

Hmm. I am beginning to think that Dick might be a controlling bully and booked his flight so that he could keep an eye on his wife. I think she was coerced into asking if he could join them. Maybe she has anxiety because of her husband? So I'm not sure that cancelling her flight will achieve anything.

Do either of them know the exact address of the villa? If not then they can't get there can they.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 16/06/2019 20:33

Well done OP to you and Anne and Barbara for standing your ground. 👏👏👏

annielouise · 16/06/2019 20:34

No good deed goes unpunished.

If Carol brings it up again she must realise it's unfair on Anne who was being nice to everyone.

If Carol's anxiety is this bad then she should accept she can't go with her husband. She might well have anxiety but it's been spelled out to her that what's she's asking is unreasonable so at that point she should have backed down. If she's being bullied by her husband then I'm not sure what you can do about that.

Honeybee27 · 16/06/2019 20:34

Feel very sorry for Anne who has forked out for this after having a tough time. Bet she wishes she hadn't bothered now!

Also feel like carol's husband could be insisting on coming though which makes me think controlling/abusive? My dp would tell me to crack on and have a good time but if she's so desperate for him to come but can't articulate why then there's probably more to it.

Feel sorry for everyone concerned really. It'll have definitely taken the shine off the holiday especially if you all end up on the same plane 😳

Original poster
Oldbutstillgotit · 16/06/2019 20:35

@TapasForTwo I think you are on to something but Carol denies her husband is controlling. Not sure what he thinks 4 pensioners are going to get up to ....

OP posts:
gubbsywubbsy · 16/06/2019 20:37

What cheeky feckers ... hope she comes to her senses !!

BicycleDynamo · 16/06/2019 20:39

Do wonder if Carol has been getting anxious not because of the traveling but because she's been steamrollered by Dick and his decision to tag along. Is she the sort to stand up for herself and come on her own?

Rachelle11 · 16/06/2019 20:44

So many things wrong with this. He sounds awful, but she does as well. I actually wonder if he has booked his flight or she simply said that in order to get all of you to back down. He might be a controlling wanker, but she seems to be controlling as well given her treatment of you all.

MissAi · 16/06/2019 20:45

He sounds horrific.

Roussette · 16/06/2019 20:45

Just ridiculous. Let Dick just lose the mney for his flight. Hold firm!

I know someone whose DH acts like this but there is absolutely no controlling element at all because the wife concerned welcomes it! She keeps saying 'Keith' loves coming to my girly dos!

We are part of a niche hobby thing, all women. She asked us for lunch in her garden in the sun... lovely. It was about 12 of us women. Her husband was there from the minute we arrived and sat in the middle of all of us monopolising the conversation droning on and on and on. Dreadful.

Duck90 · 16/06/2019 20:48

They sound quite thick skinned. It doesn’t like this is resolved at all. He still has his flight and she will have her ticket. There is nothing to stop them visiting your villa every day.

JollyHolly30 · 16/06/2019 20:49

This is unbelievable! Please keep us updated. The utter audacity of this couple is mind blowing!

tuxedocatsintophats · 16/06/2019 20:53

Please tell Ann to take Carol off the villa booking or see if she cannot get a different villa. She's very generous not to cancel Carol's flight. It's immaterial what his motives are, she went along with it and still has potential to try to ruin the holiday. She is just as CF as he is for going along with it and not taking NO for an answer and hiding that she knew he'd booked a flight.

I'd advise Ann to take Carol off the villa booking and just forward confirmation of that to her so she doesn't turn up with her cunt husband and demand to be accommodated. I'd also move your seats on the flight so you're not sat next to them.

Wonder if she'll respond to the latest message now she realises no one want her arse and arsehole husband along.

Clutterbugsmum · 16/06/2019 20:56

I'm guessing that 'Carol' was not supposed to mention that 'Dick' had booked the flight and it he would ambush you at the airport and insist that he stay in the villa with you. As after all he was already booked on the flight. Hoping that you would be too 'British' to tell him no while he put you on the spot.

tuxedocatsintophats · 16/06/2019 20:56

Look, Old, the fact is that Carol lied to Ann and you all and has a hide like a rhino to try to force you all to accommodate Dick. She's just as bad as he is. Please do not feel guilty about telling them both where to stick it. They have brass necks and instead of appreciating the generous offer they tried to rip the piss out of it.

ChicCroissant · 16/06/2019 21:00

Hopefully you and Barbara have backed Anne up on the written message group as well, emphasising that you don't want Dick (and very possibly Carol) anywhere near the villa and that you will see them when you get back then, OP? Or even pointed out that you think it is unfair that she even accepts the flight from Anne in the circumstances? Because the whole thing is just Hmm

Drum2018 · 16/06/2019 21:02

Not sure what he thinks 4 pensioners are going to get up to

He's probably watched Shirley Valentine Grin

altiara · 16/06/2019 21:02

Why is Anne offering the flight! Don’t reward the CFs!!
I would post on the what’s app “don’t be silly Anne, surely Carol should pay you for the flight”

fedup21 · 16/06/2019 21:02

Blimey-that’s awful!

So, you’ll all be on the flight out there sitting together?!

MsTSwift · 16/06/2019 21:03

Do these people have absolutely no social awareness?! Utter cringe.

All this talk of domestic abuse / controlling / anxiety etc are a red herring. He’s not invited end of.

SemperIdem · 16/06/2019 21:06

Wow!

He sounds like the husband of an older work colleague I have. He’s an absolute twat but she thinks he’s God’s gift to humanity. Hmm

notmuchmoretogive · 16/06/2019 21:08

I can't believe how rude her husband is. Even if you were all paying individually you don't crash a holiday but Anne was paying FFS.

IHeartArya · 16/06/2019 21:11

I’d remove her from the WhatsApp group

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/06/2019 21:13

It doesn’t like this is resolved at all. He still has his flight and she will have her ticket. There is nothing to stop them visiting your villa every day

I'm afraid I have to agree; someone this thick skinned will be quite capable of turning up at the villa - even right from the start - and causing a scene if moving elsewhere's suggested

In these circumstances I too would have cancelled Carol's booking, but if Anne's not prepared to do that I'm not sure what you can do except pray it goes better than expected ... though since she walked out and is now ignoring you I'm not confident about that

BackforGood · 16/06/2019 21:13
Shock Unbelievable. Glad Anne has you and Barbara to support her.