Hilarious old sayings you never hear anymore.

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

I’ve started this thread having had the most hilarious exchange with an old man and his carer whilst getting my morning coffee.

“Give it some welly”
“ looks like 6 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag” 😂
“If there’s a rotten potato in the pot I’ll get it”
“Knock ‘em bandy”

I’ve never heard any of them and they need reviving 🤣🤣

Please share yours that might be new to me also. I haven’t stopped laughing thinking I’d him.

Standing like 'cheese at fourpence'
Like pippy on a rockbun
My head won't save my legs.

she couldn't stop a pig in a passage (someone with 'bandy' legs)
she's as bandy as a bath bun (ditto)
he couldn't knock the skin off a rice pudding (a weedy person)

Wind your neck in
He/she's a face only a mother could love
Any more of this and there’ll be less of it! – stop it or else
Aye, see you in the beano - basically a way of saying away and fuck off

Throat like Ghandi's flip flop ( dry throat/mouth)
Up and down like a tarts knickers ( when you keep getting up )
I wouldn't tell a bugger don't ( when someone has done something but the end results are the same as at the beginning )
Off like Billy-Ho ( moving/running quickly)

All said by my elderly F.I.L and still make me giggle when he says them,

Oh and ...
Like a yard of pipe water ( skinny person )

(Said of someone snaggle-toothed):
She could eat an apple through a venetian blind.

As dry as a witches tit.

You make a better door than a window

Oh goodness so many courtesy of my dear departed Nan.

‘Sit down and have a blow’
‘She’s a right nasty bit of goods’
‘Don’t come it with me!’
And my favourite:
‘GERTCHA!!’

Where you born in a barn - shut the doors it’s cold.
Corporation pop - tap water
I’m going on holiday to ‘Ow gate’. - were not going on holiday, ow gate is Our gate.
Scouse one that Had me confused ‘ he’s had his eye wiped’. Think it means told off and made to cry.

Woman with a short skirt "you can see next weeks washing"
Someone farting "more tea vicar"
Posh "the type of person who gets out the bath for a wee"
Dusk "put big light on" or "put a little light on the situation"
"Face like a bag of spanners"
"You know what thought did"

I love someone being described as ‘All mouth and no trousers’, that is, someone who talks a big game but never follows through with action.

Recently heard a very not-pc one from an old bloke- someone keen to do something was described as ‘like a fat boy on a cupcake’.

And someone...ahem...too keen during a romantic encounter ‘went off like a bomb in a yoghurt factory’. A nicer version might be ‘like a frog in a sock’.

One I use a lot is ‘like a shag on a rock’ to mean someone being left out, left behind or excluded, alone. Also someone ‘carrying on like a pork chop’. No idea why pork chops are considered so garrulous?!

Said the actress to the bishop 😉

Used this last week when my boss unwittingly made a double entendre, my younger colleagues were

It used to get dark over Will's mother's where I grew up.

And on better days there was enough blue sky to patch a sailor's trousers.
My favourite ever is one that my grandad used regularly: there's more ways of killing a cat than choking it on a lump of cheese.

An arse like a ten-gallon bucket (big bum)
Lard-head (thick)
Here's me head me arse is comin' (my granny, about someone who walked that way)
Like a pimple on a haystack (my mum, about a hat that was too small for the person wearing it)
Skewiff (my mum, about anything crooked)
I'm about half-past give a shit (me, when asked how I am)
Short arms and deep pockets (mean people)
Cakey bugger (meaning silly or affected)

Oh skewiff is great. I still use that!

Let your eyes be your guide and money the last thing to leave your pockets.
She's the good time that's been had by all
Don't bind the mouths of the kine that tread the corn

Bezalelle Mademoiselle from Armentières (inky pinky parlez-vous) - rude song from First World War.
From my childhood - "going to see a man about a dog" - going to the loo.
She's got a face to turn the milk sour.
You're a better door than a window.
It wasn't the Almighty that lifted 'er nightie, but Roger the lodger the sod.

“Standing about like one of Lewis’s.”

Oh and one we still use when people are staring - 'ad yer eyefull?

Stripe me pink!
It's like Dicky's Meadow in here (a mess).
Can't do right for doing wrong.
There's more meat on a butcher's pencil (thin person).
Cold as a witch's tit.
I'm 48 and use quite a few of the saying on this thread.. No wonder people look at me oddly.

Had your eye wiped means that someone's corrected you when you thought you had the facts of a story but didn't, ie proved you wrong.

The one saying I hate is “I have been bad” as in poorly. I always feel like asking “what did you do then?”

Oh dear . We said that a lot in the part of Wales I come from.
The comparative and superlative forms went:
Bad
Worse
Worst
Dead

My mother also used to say "No pockets in a shroud" as mentioned by a PP.
She was obviously dedicated to justifying spending money because she'd also say "Money's made round to go round".
And you can justify all sorts with, "Life's uncertain, so eat your pudding first".

DF was raised in the Catholic faith.

Blessing yourself was known as " giving the old spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch"

My DH is Catholic ( lapsed) he loves this and hadn't heard of it before.

Wouldn’t kick a dog when it’s down.
You’ll got to hell in a hand basket
Sweet fanny Adams.....meaning sweet fu*k all!
My Nan used to call her lady bits her tuppence!
Diamond studded arse!

Like stepping back to the 60s!