Hilarious old sayings you never hear anymore.

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

I’ve started this thread having had the most hilarious exchange with an old man and his carer whilst getting my morning coffee.

“Give it some welly”
“ looks like 6 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag” 😂
“If there’s a rotten potato in the pot I’ll get it”
“Knock ‘em bandy”

I’ve never heard any of them and they need reviving 🤣🤣

Please share yours that might be new to me also. I haven’t stopped laughing thinking I’d him.

'have a run around the table and a kick of the cat' ... to take a break

georgie I think your dad's song originates in an old music-hall song - 'you could see the Crystal Palace, if it wasn't for the houses in-between'.

These are all great - lots I'd forgotten and lots I'd not heard before.

This won't buy the baby a new frock - stop procrastinating.
How's your belly for spots? - How are you?
S/he's as far through as a tram-ticket - someone markedly thin.
If x stuck their hand in the fire, would you? (!) - to a child mithering to do something because 'so-and-so does'.

I've never heard it in real-life and I think it's died out (or has it? ) Noel Streatfield's old nanny used to say 'It'll all be Sir Garnet', meaning 'it'll all be OK' - after a famous victorian soldier noted as a successful person.

It's like Piccadilly Circus in here (often followed by "too much inning and outing")
Put some wood in the hole! (Close the door...)

Looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp. (About someone pulling an odd expression or wasn’t good looking!)
Do as I say not as I do.
What did your last slave die of? (I used to answer ‘backchat’ then scarper )
If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose!

"No pockets in a shroud." Good excuse for spending a bit of money!

well I say "it's black over Bill's mother's" and "there's not enough blue to make a sailor a suit"

I heard someone say (on the school run) today -" don't dilly dally". I thought that's a saying that isn't used much.

My favourites include:
Dim as a Toc-H lamp
Fat as a tonky pig
Neither use nor ornament

The proof of the pudding is in the eating
Raining cats and dogs
Its chucking it down like stair rods
A friend in need is a friend indeed
Daft as a brush
Snug as a bug in a rug

My Dad used to say "believe half of what you see and none of what you hear", I was well up in my teens before I understood.

Bernards

Ah, there’s enough blue to make a sailors suit

I haven't heard that in decades. Reading that certainly brought back memories from years ago.

Although I do remember it as "there's enough blue in the sky to make a sailor's trousers"

“You can please some of the people some of the time; none of the people, all of the time and all of the people none of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”
Very true!

Oh yeah, and...
‘The wheel’s turning but the hamster’s dead!’

I asked my kids if they thought I was Rockefeller recently.

They, quite rightly, looked back at me blankly.

Will have to start saying Elon Musk.

"The brass neck on that one" (he's got a cheek/nerve)

I had to explain this one to a friend not brought up in England recently and they looked at me like I was mad, especially when I couldn't tell them what someone's neck had to do with it, nor why it would be brass!

Red sky at night Crystal Palace is on fire.
Face as long as a gas man’s Mac
Black as New gates knocker.
Black as the ace of spades.
Cold as a witch’s tit.

Help ma boab
Crivvens
Could as a froag
I'd rather shit in my hand and clap
Were you born in a barn?
And many many more on this thread.. used almost daily!!!

"Can't tell a flute from a fart" is used by my mother when describing someone who is tone deaf and sings totally out of tune.

She usually means my Dad. I apply it to my DH too, and since the Eurovision Song Contest, also to Madonna.

@Bezalelle Thu 13-Jun-19 10:14:48

Not sure if this was specific to my Nanna, but she used to have a saying for women who rose above "their station":

"Look at her! Strutting about like Mademoiselle of Marmatiers"

That's very likely her mishearing or perhaps misremembering a song that was popular in the early part of the 20th century called "Mademoiselle from Armentières".

It first became popular in 1915 when Armentières was a place where British soldiers would go for some R&R and there were quite a few young women there to provide that.

Mind your own interference.

All mouth and trousers: arrogant gobshite.

Ooh I can’t get my hat on: I’m surprised at this turn of events.

Way back when Pontius was a pilot, or my version, way back when Pontius was a Pilates instructor.

Got steam coming out of my ears: desperate for a wee.

They're like two cheeks of the same arse

and...

If ye' cannae afford tae pay the ferryman, dinnae get on the boat!

Two of my personal favourites!

Favorites in my family....

I'd sooner have my behind rubbed with a brick

Blow that for a game of soldiers

Swelp my bob

We have "Will's mother's" instead of Bill. Guess it's the same origin though!

He's like a fart in a trance
I felt like a burst baw
Here's your hat what's your hurry
Ben the loaby
Stop making that face or it'll stick

She clearly has a kangaroo loose in the top paddock

My mum used to say to us as kids when we used to cry

"Go on and skrike (cry) you'll piss less"

Nobody gets called 'ye daft ha'p'orth' (or as I used to think it was 'daft apeth') any more.

She's a face on her like a well slapped arse,
Bob's your uncle and fanny's your aunt,
It would freeze the tits off a China doll,