Hilarious old sayings you never hear anymore.

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

I’ve started this thread having had the most hilarious exchange with an old man and his carer whilst getting my morning coffee.

“Give it some welly”
“ looks like 6 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag” 😂
“If there’s a rotten potato in the pot I’ll get it”
“Knock ‘em bandy”

I’ve never heard any of them and they need reviving 🤣🤣

Please share yours that might be new to me also. I haven’t stopped laughing thinking I’d him.

Don’t stand around with your finger up your arse
You better door than a window is one I regularly use

Still working my way through these. They're brilliant! Like many others, I use some of them a lot. Especially 'Who’s she? The cat’s mother?!', 'All mouth and trousers' and 'Face on her!' (especially funny when used about men).

I'd like to add a Glasgow variation: 'She's got a face like a well-skelped arse.'

I also particularly like 'Standing about like a bottle of milk' and I describe myself as born in a barn if I don't know something like what's the right fork or how to eat a side salad which is often.

If someone is driving the other way on our country lanes and they look serious my husband always says "he/she looks like a bulldog sucking a wasp"

In and out like a dog in a fair - quite often used when I am

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey - often shortened to brass monkey's here.

When someone is gasping or standing with mouth open - are you catching flies.

Retrieving an item that has been put away or fallen etc.

'Fish it out of the cupboard'

Standing round like a spare prick at a wedding.

Gawping - of someone staring gormlessly at proceedings.

More tea vicar after an unsuppressed burp. DB's follow up being 'yes please you've eaten all the bleedin' cake'

You don't look at the mantlepiece when you're stoking the fire - of a somewhat plain sexual partner.

My great nan always used to say “she’s a lot off!” For someone who has a high opinion of themselves
And if someone thought they were important but perhaps they weren’t they would be “big ducks in little ponds”

She also used to say “don’t stand there like one of Lewis’s” which I think is a reference to Lewis shop assistant who had a reputation for standing around not being helpful!

I meant gawping typo

Not sayings as such but I was watching Only Fools and Horses earlier and decided I really needed to make more space for 'Cosmic' and 'T'rrific' in my vocabulary

I heard a story about that phrase @LJS79 apparently Lewis was a department store in Liverpool with a statue of a man on the front with a visible penis. If someone said you were standing like one of Lewis' it meant you were hanging around like a spare part, or being very obvious - not sure which.

One phrase that I could never understand was "many's a mickle mack a muckle". Anyone know?

One phrase I saw in 'The commitments" and loved, "so hungry I would eat a horse stood between two bread vans", although the one about the nun's arse made me smile!

As much use as a chocolate teapot
About as much use as a fish with a bicycle
Has your cat died? (If your trousers are too short)
Like a pimple on St Paul's
Slower than Christmas
Playing marbles (when asked what someone is doing when it is blatantly obvious what they are doing!)

One in the fireplace, one up the stairs (to describe someone with eyes looking on different directions!)

One of my Gran's favourites was 'By, yer as ackwad (awkward) as Dick's hat band'
I have no idea who Dick was or what the issue was with his hat band but I've used it a lot over the years with my kids.

My Dad used to refer to mean/tight fisted people as being able to 'peel an orange in his pocket'

I still use 'all fur coat and no knickers'!!!

Beggars cant be choosers and round the backs of Rackhams

We use 'full as a state school hat rack'; and 'It's like Queen's Street!'- to mean crowded or busy. Many NE Oz towns' Main Street is called Queen's St.

Queenslander expressions.

Also (insensitive, sorry) 'You could shoot a gun through here and not kill anybody'- meaning really quiet!

My mother (thus we) said 'Enough blue to make a Dutchman's trousers' re some blue sky.

Whats for dinner? "Bees knees and thrushes ankles".
An ugly person, got a "belt of the ugly stick or fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Oh she had a face like a chewed toffee.

That will cool your cocoa for you..about a cocky smug person being wrong about something.

She is a bit mutt and Jeff.

To get cross with someone, ...to give them down the banks.

A work colleague says 'I need a wee so bad my eyeballs are floating'😂

To be as thick as d wall/ or a brick

One of the best ones I have heard was when I was in the US ...
‘ she thinks her sh&t doesn’t stink’ 😂
One from the north of England where I am from is ‘ as tight as a gnats chuff’ . Love that too 😀

Gi'st a shufti

A coat of looking at

A touch of the collywobbles

A bit of a turn

A sledgehammer to crack a walnut
Like a fart in a thunderstorm
Like a fart in a colander
Never cast a clout til may is out
Well shit in a bag & punch in it
I'd rather shit in my hands and clap
Shake a leg
All fur coat, no knickers
In and out like a fiddler's elbow
Had more pricks than a second hand dartboard
The tail wagging the dog
Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery
The whole bang shooting match....

Shove over
Bell the cat
Nail your colours to the mast
Oo er
Bob a job
Pea souper
Talk the hind leg off a donkey
Misery guts
On tic
Fag ash Lill
Scarper
Gordon Bennett !
The plod
Careful what you wish for

Gawd love a duck!