Hilarious old sayings you never hear anymore.

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

I’ve started this thread having had the most hilarious exchange with an old man and his carer whilst getting my morning coffee.

“Give it some welly”
“ looks like 6 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag” 😂
“If there’s a rotten potato in the pot I’ll get it”
“Knock ‘em bandy”

I’ve never heard any of them and they need reviving 🤣🤣

Please share yours that might be new to me also. I haven’t stopped laughing thinking I’d him.

My grandad used to sing a song called 'aholes are cheap today, cheaper than yesterday..."
Also the amazing ones I still use:
"She'll/he'll have to scratch his/her ar** & get tame (calm down)."
About someone who has too many high expectations of you:
"What else do they expect me/you to do stick a broom up ur a & sweep the floor with it too?"
And my personal favourite:
"They expect you/me to work wonders and s* miracles."
I and my dad still use "better than a poke in the eye woth a sharp stick/kick up the arse"

Just remembered

She’s like a bulldog chewing a wasp (a very scowly person)

Talking like a washing machine

Ps another one : " She got herself in a 2 & 8 (state)

Oh yes we used to use sweet fanny adams it means sweet fuck all

I’ll put you in a home with your ears tied back.
I’ll put you away where the crows won’t shite on you.
I wouldn’t give her the snot out of my nose.
I’m standing here like a pill garlic🤨
All sayings by my late mother, and when we asked what’s for tea? The reply was cows cocks and onions😀

My mother was once telling me about being out for a pub lunch, and remarked that someone on the next table had a mixed grill that was so large "it had everything but a monkey on it."
l've never heard that expression before or since!

My mom used to say ‘She’s got a bob on herself.’ For somebody who had a high opinion of themselves.

@Greyhound22 That's so interesting, my Mum always says 'it's a bit black over Will's mother's', had no idea it came from William Shakespeare! She's not from anywhere near that area of the country, and neither are her parents, so not sure where she's picked it up 🤔

You can’t make sugar out of shite !!

I

To mean somethings very old “it’s been around since Jesus was in short trousers” and to mean that somethings been topped off/stopped “that’s put a tin hat on it”.

*When someone didn't care about something... my mum said they were all 'san fairy ann' about it.
It took me a long time to realise it was 'C'est ne faire rien' *

This reminds me of when a colleague asked what "see est la vye" meant. I asked what on earth she was talking about and she showed me an email from a customer in reply to an email she'd sent informing them that something was unavailable. It said c'est la vie

Lots of the above still in regular circulation here plus these ...
Who let Polly out of prison

Talk hind leg off a donkey

If ifs and buts were sweets and nuts everyday would be Xmas

Sawdust and hay for dinner today(if we asked what's for dinner)

Sweating like a whore in church

It's not fair-itll just have to be dark then

He/she has more front(bravado) than Blackpool

Daft as a brush

You have more cheek than what cat licks it's bum with

Shut yer cake hole

Put yer money where your mouth is

Don't come crying to me when you fall and break your leg[ment as when do something daft]

If wishes were horses beggars would ride

If you sit on the fence (don't make your mind up)any longer you will have splinters

Put your back into it

In Ireland, describing your lack of attraction to an unappealing person "I wouldn't ride him into battle"

Ride being slang for sex.

"An old broom knows all the dirty corners" - you can't hide secrets from someone who knows you long and well

When you're hungry - "I'd eat a nuns arse through the gates of a convent"

If someone has a cold - "Yer wan is a bucket of snot" "He's sicker than a plane to Lourdes"

Someone with a miserable expression - "Puss on her like a badly smacked arse" Puss means face

If someone asks you to do something you don't want to, or a nonsense question "Ask me Bollix" - not to be confused with bollox.

Gammy and Banjaxed are two of my favorite Dublin words - both mean broken.

Gobshite - describes someone who is a bit stupid and annoying, a very satisfying word to say.

Throwing shapes - dancing

Auld lad/auld wan - your father/mother

Feck! Not to be compared or confused with Fuck, it's a very gentle and inoffensive expletive used by all ages

I worked in Dublin for several years, Irish people talk a lot and very descriptively, swearing is creative and fluent and every day language is littered with the kind of expressions listed above. It takes a while to get used to but it's very, very, entertaining and uniquely eloquent.

There are some funny things on here. I still here people say "rare as hens teeth" or "rare as rocking horse crap" both make me laugh.
My mum used to say "in and out like a fart in a trance" and many other sayings I've just read.
Back in the 1980's an old friend when he first saw us used to ask "alright cock?" we were teens at the time and it always gave us the giggles.

He’s a sandwich short of a picnic,honeymoon salad (lettuce alone)

Just remember my mom use to say if you don't stop screaming i will nail your other foot to the floor

Wandering around like a fart in a trance

My mums favourite was ;
Eat your crusts it makes your hair curl
They don't pardon pigs ,they shoot them and they don't give monkeys guns
If you fall over and break a leg, don't come running to me.
God don't pay his debts in kind
Make sure you have clean underwear on , just in case you have an accident
🤣🤣🤣🤣

What’s for dinner?
Ifits - if it’s in you can have it if it’s not you can’t

(Really annoying to a hungry child)!

Love some of these! The two that spring to mind are:

There was mess from arsehole to breakfast time (meaning there was mess everywhere)

Stop fuck acting (stop messing about)

Musicislife my mum used to say "ifit" too. But it was "if it's there, eat it, if it's not, go without"

Every Pan Has it's Lid= you will find a fella soon.
All Gong and No Dinner.

My hubbies got some funny ones such as

As useful as tits on a kipper 😆

Flat as a witch’s tit

I could fall in a barrel full of nipples and come out sucking my thumb

Just noticed these are all breast related 😳

Another was face like a chewed toffee

Fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

That ugly looks like he or she has been set on fire and put out with a shovel

Terrible dry sense of humour my husband has my mother favourite if you said you was bored was have a shit and play with the steam then charming 😬

To the poster who lived in Dublin, gammy and banjaxed are used all over Ireland! My Cork granny was a great one for the sayings she had ones that were unique to Cork and some that were unique to West Cork countryside and came from the Irish language. I'll have to try and remember some of them

Almost forgot another favourite of my moms if she saw someone done up but looked over the top was looks like a fairy on a gob of lard 😄 always made me giggle