Hilarious old sayings you never hear anymore.

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

I’ve started this thread having had the most hilarious exchange with an old man and his carer whilst getting my morning coffee.

“Give it some welly”
“ looks like 6 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag” 😂
“If there’s a rotten potato in the pot I’ll get it”
“Knock ‘em bandy”

I’ve never heard any of them and they need reviving 🤣🤣

Please share yours that might be new to me also. I haven’t stopped laughing thinking I’d him.

"If it had teeth, it would bite you!" (Whenever I was looking for something that everyone else could see was right in front of me)

Has anyone mentioned:
It's up my arse on the second shelf ?

Another one my mum used to say was stick a broom up my arse and i will seeep the floor.She also said you want to know the ins and out as a cow arse.Another one was black as bill mother to do with the weather

Another I love is the lights are on but no body's home , when someone isn't listening to you

Doesn't know his arse from his elbow.

anitagreen

I'm slightly bothered that I seem to know so many "arse" and "shit" ones! Did I have a bad upbringing?

Thick as two short planks
Gord luv a duck
Hang me 'arse' out in Burtons Window
Dim as a Toc H lamp
cor strike a light
bent as a nine bob note
e's a right slippery sid.
where's me strides
I need new daisies.

Our family still uses s lot of these!
My grandad always called the doctor "the quack". I don't know why!

Up to his arse in clover.
Thinks his shit smells of roses
Hasn't got a leg to stand on
Would sell his Granny
Out to lunch (fairly recent one?)
Doesn't know he's born
As tight as a duck's arse
thinks the sun shines out of his arse
short arms and long pockets
Mouth like the cat's arse
There's nowt so queer as folk (nothing to do with being gay - I heard comments about being gay years ago, but I won't write them as they are offensive and thank God we aren't like that now.)
Looked like the cat that got the cream
Mutton dressed up as lamb
Face like a slapped arse

I do apologise - I think I'm repeating some other people have done! I can't look back over so many and if I don't write them down I forget them - anyway turning back loses what I've started to write! Hope that's ok!

my grandmother used to suffer with flatulence and would say with a satisfied grin "Where e'er thou be, let thy wind blow free"....

tea like gnat's piss
arse about face
as happy as a pig in shit
He's built like a brick shit house
rare as hen's teeth
rare as rocking horse shit
same shit, different day (not so old?)
do bears shit in the woods? (still in use)
up shit creek without a paddle
shit-hot (my cousin and various other older boys when I was young- actually they said "shit" like people say "fuck" today. Terrible!!)

This thread has kept my brain active all night!

Compiled a few and added some more.
Give it some welly
Looks like 6 pounds of shit in a 5-pound bag
If there’s a rotten potato in the pot I’ll get it
Knock ‘em bandy

How's your belly off for spots and your bottom for barnacles
If it had teeth, it would bite you
It's right manky
It's up my arse on the second shelf
Stick a broom up my arse and I will sweep the floor
Thick as two short planks
Gord luv a duck
Hang me 'arse' out in Burtons Window
Dim as a Toc H lamp
Cor strike a light
Bent as a nine bob note
E's a right slippery sid.
Where's me strides
I need new daisies.
You want to know the ins and out of a cows' arse
The lights are on but no body's home
She's run off with a big black bloke
Doesn't know his arse from his elbow.
Dry as a witches tit
Go whistle for it
Your like a dog with fleas
Do that an' you'll get lockjaw
Av' you got St Vitus dance
Got a mouth like the Blackwall Tunnel
Got nipples like a pickled walnut
Got loveable kneecaps
There are more flies on him/her than shit on a blanket.
Just like the black 'ole of Calcutta
In one 'ear an' out the ovver.
You look like a Belsen kid
Nutty as a fruitcake
Got cloth ears
Your round the bend
Ain't got two 'ape nees to rub together
Short legs and deep pockets
Black as satans knocker
Wash or you'll get scrubbed with a bass broom.
You'll get a cauliflower ear soon
You don't know if you're on your head or yer arse

Buzzing about like a blue-arsed fly, or in and out like a fiddler’s elbow.

Usually followed by, were you born in a barn? Put wood in t’hole (shut the door).

Up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire.

Another vote too for looking like the wreck of the Hesperus (bedraggled)

Spaniel007. Yes!! My Aunty too and she'd say, like your Granny "Where e'er thou be, let thy wind blow free"....and add
"In Church or Chapel let it rattle!"
Also
"Just a little bit more said the old woman as she piddled in the sea."
The mouse crept into the crypt, crapped and crept out again.
The fly flew into the font, farted, and flew out again.
He who farts in Church sits in pew.
In for a penny in for a pound.
We were shitting bricks (still used)
Go and boil your head
A right royal .... (mess/battle/show/etc.)
Every lie gets nearer to goodbye.

SnugglySnerd. I looked up "Quack"
It wasn't what I expected. I found it on
broughttolife.sciencemuseum.org.uk/broughttolife/people/quacks

"The word ‘quack’ comes from the old Dutch word quacksalver - ‘one who quacks (boasts) about the virtue of his salves’. Medical professionals regularly used the word ‘quack’ to discredit anyone whom they disagreed with, especially unqualified healers. But a genuine ‘quack’ is someone who sells medicine for treatment while knowing that it doesn't work."

Empty drums make most noise

My mom always use to say that about farting.Where ever you maybe church or chapel let your wind rattle because holding a fart in was,the death of me

the squeaky wheel gets the grease...

Its do as I say not do as I do

You are only nice hungry ( said if a child complains they are hungry but does not want a lard sandwich when offered).

Stop your starting.

Beauty is only skin deep (My dad)
From the sublime to the ridiculous
Curiosity killed the cat
Cold hands, warm heart
No such thing as a free lunch
It never rains lest it pours. (I didn't get that as a child!)
Where there's muck there's brass
You've made your bed and you must lie on it
Give a dog a bad name and hang him
You can't teach an old dog new tricks
The squeaky wheel gets the grease
Put your best foot forward
Opportunity never knocks twice
Give him an inch and he will take a mile
Don't burn your bridges
Don't let the grass grow beneath your feet

He/she has a face only his/her mother would love.

@GeistohneGrenzen

Dh says this to me when I make tea at times

If I left a door open I would hear "put the wood in the hole!" and....

Got a face like a bag of spanners.
Bloody Nora!
Look at the state of her and the price of butter!
If you were made of glass I would be able to see the TV.
Shift your noggin!