Hilarious old sayings you never hear anymore.

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

I’ve started this thread having had the most hilarious exchange with an old man and his carer whilst getting my morning coffee.

“Give it some welly”
“ looks like 6 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag” 😂
“If there’s a rotten potato in the pot I’ll get it”
“Knock ‘em bandy”

I’ve never heard any of them and they need reviving 🤣🤣

Please share yours that might be new to me also. I haven’t stopped laughing thinking I’d him.

This one's a bit local, but might be used with different place names I suppose:

A Saltash rig. Wet ass and no fish.

Used when you've been caught in the rain or otherwise got soaked through.

WeeDangerousSpike my DM says a sack of shit tied in the middle.

My mum would ask if we were born in a barn, because we were cheeky brats we'd answer "no, a hospital with swinging doors"

Are you looking at me or chewing a brick?

If we couldn't see mum the very second we walked in the door and called out where are you?, she'd frequently reply that she'd run off with a sailor

If someone was in a hurry, they were quicker than a hot snot

My gran, if she thought I was being over dramatic, would call me Sarah Bernhardt.

He could smoke in the shower - big nose

If someone was a bit boastful my Mum would say
"ee he'll work wonders and shit marigolds^

Troys yes, I've said that when I look particularly horrendous!

DP has just walked in and told DD to stop 'rolling about like a spud (potato)' she was messing about pretending she couldn't get up.

I want to come back and commit some of these to memory, so funny!
I still say 'it's like Blackpool Illuminations in here'. My kids don't have a clue what I'm talking about.

@DontCallMeShitley "keep your hand on your hape-nee" used to be the last thing my mum would shout down the road at me when I went out with my mates years ago!

I live in the very south but we have a very northern director at work who regularly comes out with some superb and borderline dodgy phrases - I'm also northern and it makes me feel at home

On Brexit - "its a right bugger's muddle"
"Frame yourself" - get a grip
"Chew the fat" - have a chat about
"Hot to trot" - ready to go

I often think I should write them down. He's fab.

You're rattling round like a fart in a colander........used for someone who can't sit still. I still haven't really worked it out after all these years, surely the fart would just dissipate out of the holes?!!

If your hair was a mess mum said you looked like the wild women of Borneo

‘That’s a mileage dress’ as in, you can get a lot of mileage (use) out of that dress’

One Glasgow expression I heard once was ‘he wouldnae gie ye the reek aff his pish!’ About a tight arse, translated exactly to English ‘he wouldn’t give you the smell off his urine!’

More faces than the royal mint.
One eye going for the shopping, the other coming back with the change!
You make a better door than a window (if you were in front of the telly and my mum couldn’t see it).

Stick a broom up my arse and I'll sweep the floor as I go

This is muttered often at work. Usually when the boss has -told- asked us to do something whilst we're in the middle of doing the last thing she needed doing.

My dad still says:
‘You’re like a nuns knickers, always on!’
and
‘You’re worse than my wife’s husband!’

This thread is a blast from the past !
DGps said lots of these ,and also ,

" He's like a bull at a gate"

"Like a fart in the bath "

"Like a wet weekend "

"As useless as a tarts knickers"

"Aye,And I'll be a monkeys uncle "

"Another one showings off yesterday's breakfast "

"Gordon Bennet!"

"3 sheets to the wind "

And I remember "over the shoulder boulder holder" ,obviously a bra but I can't remember the phrase !

"You look like the wreck of the Hesperus!" if looking dishevelled.

Also remember "left her gusset in the gutter" yuk !

Where there's muck there's brass

Your eyes are bigger to feed than your belly

Tha'n gorra ate a peck o' muck before thi dee
(You've got to eat a peck of muck before you die')

My grandma without fail said ‘I shall do well if I get that across my chest’ when presented with a plate piled high with Sunday dinner.

She was tiny but always are every scrap!

Also ‘eee by gum’ meaning something like my goodness

Northern grandmother

A rumman

Cheeky, flighty, brave?

Anyone heard this

Best thing since sliced bread.

Just gave it a lick and a promise (tidied but didn't clean deeply)

On a promise

It's amazing what you can do with half a pound of mince (said sarcastically to stop people gossiping)

That went out with the Ark.

Don't piss on my bonfire!

I thought rum'un was a Norfolk thing. We also say something or someone is a bit rum.
My nanny used to tell me to "go and fry" if she wanted me out of the way.
I think she used her own version of the foot of the stairs, she used to say, "well I go to Hemsby"

Promises like pie crust (easily broken)

As hard as a dog's head. Anybody who has ever had a Staffie barrel into them headfirst will know just how solid they are.

Dusting the squinches. Spring cleaning in all the little nooks and crannies.

It's blowing a Hooley out there.

It's coming down in stair rods.

'Getting a bit dimpsey, better close the door now'.

Thick as a barn door. used daily to describe DTwatCat2

Thick as mince .

I shall do that dreckly. doesn't work very well in that thar Lundun as nobody else seems to understand it's very similar to the Spanish mañana, just without the urgency

'Come on then, Nigel, where you to?' confused child admits they're supposed to be in French

'What are you mithering about now?' usually directed at DTwatCat1 or DP when he's fussing and not actually doing anything of any use whatsoever.

And, of course, 'proper job'.

I'm worse when we've been home for a couple of weeks. But I still whinged about the weather this morning that it was mizzling again.

I still say a lot these tbh to foreign h when he pisses me off - confuses the hell out of him and totally infuriates him