Hilarious old sayings you never hear anymore.

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

I’ve started this thread having had the most hilarious exchange with an old man and his carer whilst getting my morning coffee.

“Give it some welly”
“ looks like 6 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag” 😂
“If there’s a rotten potato in the pot I’ll get it”
“Knock ‘em bandy”

I’ve never heard any of them and they need reviving 🤣🤣

Please share yours that might be new to me also. I haven’t stopped laughing thinking I’d him.

Ex MIL, if something moved quickly.

“It went like a shit off a shovel”

“I didn’t come down in the last shower, you know?!” - I’m not naive.

“ you’ll be getting wrong from ya mam, mind” - I’m just straight channeling my gran now.

Well knock me down with a feather - extremely shocked.

Neither uses nor ornament - a person who is both useless and ugly (mean).

My family have always said 'well I'll go to the foot of our stairs' when shocked by something.

So for example:
Aunt- ooh you'll never guess but carols had an affair
Nanna- well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs.

It's always made me laugh imagining a shocked lady stood at the bottom of her stairs shaking her head

I still use most of these

One of my nan's favourites was 'it tastes like shit & sugar mixed' if she didn't like something

Were you born in a barn?

A cat lick - a quick wash.
He’s like a bibble in a can - talking too much (bibble means pebble).
Here in the Black Country you still here the word wench used occasionally by the older generation to describe a girl of a woman - eg Sally is not a bad looking wench so I don’t know why she’s still single.

Couldn’t stop a pig in a ginnel
Something moving at speed was going like ‘shit off a shovel’
‘I’m not as green as I’m cabbage looking’
If you were short of money my Nan would refer to you as ‘not having enough to buy a pot to piss in’
Oh the good old days!

More!

You’re driving me round the bend/up the wall
He was getting a bit fresh with me - Either means flirty or cheeky in a rude way.

Cheers big ears!

Skirt was half way up your bottom- short skirt

Definitely the born in barn saying and the lights

She’s got more rabbit than Sainsbury’s!

I'll give you something to cry about - not so nice

DH gran used to say "slicker than snot on a hoe handle" if it was really slippery or icy outside.

MIL when commanding everyone to get a move on: "come on, you're moving like a herd of turtles"

DF when referring to a badly pulled pint "that's flatter than a witches tit"

I keep thinking of more!

"Dont throw the baby out with the bathwater"

@Enb76

Yes I thought it was daft aper

Like trying to herd cats - if something was difficult

I use a lot of these! Especially 'stick a brush up me arse'

Also like:

I wouldn't go there/do that for a big clock
Never in the creation of craw-shite
Whey ya bugger a hell

If someone can't sing, we say they 'couldn't shout coal down our passage'

Spitting feathers - thirsty

Face like a kite - of someone sad.

Face like a slapped arse - of someone in a snit.

Looks like a dying duck in a thunderstorm - of someone (usually theatrically) upset.

'If shit was pudding we'd never starve' was FIL's favourite.

And if you ask someone what they are making, the stock answer is 'a wigwam for ducks to shite in'

Or:
It's in the tin. Which tin? The tin that RinTinTin shit in.

Tuppence (as a nickname) meaning short of a tanner - intellectually challenged.

You know what thought did? Followed a dustcart and thought it was a wedding. Usually said after doing something undeniably stupid but trying to justify oneself. Any interpretation of this one would be most welcome because after decades I still haven't come up with a credible explanation of why dustcarts and weddings are juxtaposed.

Storm in a teacup is a sweet one.

“You can’t polish a turd. No, but you can roll it in glitter.” Meaning something is shite but it can be tarted up! Often used in big organisations.

“Look at you laid there like lamb and lettuce.”

“As I slide down the banister of life, this person is a permanent splinter in my arse.”

There are loads more, just trying to remember them!

Lots of these still get used in our house!
I still use
Coming too to from= when clothes come undone or shift about, skirt twists round, top rides up etc
Pigs arse and cabbage= being asked what’s for tea
I don’t know, I haven’t christened it yet = also being asked what’s for tea
Don’t often hear
A lick and a promise = a quick wash

I say most of these! A couple of unusual ones I can think of....

A smile like a basket of chips - someone with bad/uneven teeth.

Lies like a cheap clock.

You look like a sack tied in the middle - badly fitting / unflattering clothes