Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

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Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

Good GOD. If there's an echo God in here I'm leaving

Good GOD. If there's an echo God in here I'm leaving

What? Have the multiple personalities come out to play or has our thread been hacked?

PS there’s no Rio outside my house, but there is a panzer tank parked skewiff in yummy mummy’s parking space. That’s my boy.

We wouldn't even notice if we got hacked.

Ah, the panzer, nearly forgot. That was after we liberated the Chinook though. You're very dedicated to have taught him Mandarin.

But clinics are supposed to give confidentiality.

Goddamit, my multiple personalities regarding infidelity, promiscuity, organ theft and clear glasses was leaked by thigh to MNHQ...? She's like Julian Assuange

DT is it a unicycle?

If I buy a breadmaker is it likely to join the slow cooker, juicer and food processor on top of my kitchen units completely ignored.

In contrast my sandwich toaster gets almost daily use. As does my beloved robot hoover.

How will I ever know which category the following will fall into?

Breadmaker
Robot lawnmower
Ice cream maker
Yoghurt maker

Does the bread maker mix everything too, or just bake? That could be the hurdle.

Robot lawnmower - basically just a hoover for the garden so should be ok? Or did you say you needed to train it first?

Ice cream maker and yoghurt maker - these are just jokes, right? You can have that shit delivered. I mean you can have bread delivered too, but then you don't get the smell and lovely warm bread.

Frown I would do an advanced search, but I can't be arsed. Has anyone corrected you?

Is the yoghurt for your raging thrush?

TL I believe the BM you just chuck shizz in and it produced bread an hour or two later. Sounds interesting no?

Robot lawnmower I would have to peg out a perimeter and pick up dog shit. Obviously I do pick up dog shit but would I have to patrol my back garden constantly for an errant shit? Plus I would have to stand there and watch it in the front garden to stop it getting nicked.

I agree re ice cream maker and yoghurt maker, I just threw them in as ringers to amuse you.

TL have you noticed that Frown has chosen to interpret your enigmatic silence as approval?

I think what would be wisest is to have bread, yoghurt and ice cream delivered and continue to use the gardening service who have all their own tools.

I must never own a bread maker. I would simply stay at home and eat bread until they had to bulldoze a wall to winch me out.

I suppose you'd only have to patrol constantly if the mower was mowing constantly, but that sounds a bit excessive?

Front garden - how fast are they? You could sit in the doorway in your dressing gown, smoking - that might be enough to deter intruders but you could also have a pressure hose to hand?

Rubber boots, aibu

No-one corrected me, they must have thought I was the resident thicko (I lobbed it in the first place I thought I might get away with it)

Your turn.

I had a bread maker. I can confirm that it is lovely to wake up to the smell of baking bread. Eventually you get bored though. In the end I sold it. The guy asked if I could deliver it and when I got there, it turned out he had cancer and the breadmaker was part of his healthy eating drive. I ended up giving it to him and in return he gave me a bead.

I’m not sure what the point of the story is. I even lost the fucking bead.

She seems to think I am making the child sized getting ready machines as well, and that she would fit into one, so she must be a midget. Her diminutive stature has probably made her all frowny and cross, but she'll be able to squeeze into Caroline's priest hole.

I can't go to AIBU, Frown, I don't like it there.

I hope he didn't die. When you say a "bead", like the bead off a necklace?

Someone corrected my grammar on the Archers thread once. It's just so bizarre - who corrects another adult, uninvited, on a fucking ichat website?

Proj yes, I would end up with a bead. Or possibly a crystal.

TL I know we're best friends but how did you know I sit in my garden smoking in my dressing gown? Recently have had to have dg hood up. I have 2, I presume you know what colour they are?