My advanced but exhausting daughter

[Kimmibastin]

I have known my daughter is different from an early age. She has insisted on holding her own bottle from 10 weeks, cut her first 2 teeth at 9 weeks....the list goes on. She is my 2nd born (my son is 3yrs 6mnths) Anyways she is now 20 months can count beyond 10, dresses and undresess herself, is toilet training and has an extremely wide vocab and understanding. I believe she is gifted. I have never felt this way about my son as always felt he has developed within the normal milestones but my daughter is just something different! Before u think im blowing her trumpet im not. I am a nursery teacher with 10+ years experience and know she is advanced. Tbh its a bloody pain in the arse! She doesn't sleep well,dosnt sit still and is very demanding.help!what shall I do?

Sounds like she's physically quite independent, which is great. I don't know if that translates into whether a child will be "gifted" or not though. As a kid I was the least bright one in a family of three children (jokey references are made to it by my folks). My parents were a bit like my school in that the latter only really cared about/supported the academically bright or extremely sporty pupils. I felt the same happened at home and it was horrible. Not that you'd do that, but unfortunately some parents do.

The attitude towards the OP here is really mumsnet at its worst. Picking apart spelling and grammar? Its fucking mumset not an English exam I don't give a shiny shit about punctuation or grammar on here either

Fwiw You may just find she is developing quicker in comparison with your ds just roll with it and help her along as I'm sure you know how to best with your background

tough crowd
Op I agree that your DD sounds advanced for her age, although it seems to be mostly physical stuff and she sounds more independent than anything else. The teeth of course are irrelevant but very few children are toilet trained by 20 months nowadays. There is nothing in your op to suggest that she is gifted though, which really isn't the same as advanced, or bright. Perhaps she is very bright, time will tell. As pp have said, every child is different, just enjoy her.

Books. Give her books, lots of books. Books with great pictures and good stories. Read her the same ones every night and show her new ones all the time. She's not quite to early reading, but she might be in about 18 months.

Yeah, didn’t work for us. DD is a really bright. Spoke early, sentences by 18 months, wide vocab and all that stuff. Point blank refused to even try reading. I read to her, I gave her books, we read together. She just refused and got really upset when we even tried. She went to school and within a term could pretty much read anything you gave her.

The thing that always occurred to me when she was little was, everyone said “oh she’s so clever” because at 18 months she was talking well and could verbalise her thoughts. But, it also entirely possible that kids who couldn’t speak as well as her could be just as clever, it’s just they don’t speak so you wouldn’t know.

The OP is a bit humble braggy because including things like early teeth or GMS has nothing to do with how bright a child is and as an educator of over 10 years, surely that’s something OP knows? DD didn’t crawl til 2 and a half. She had teeth early, but apparently wasn’t clever enough to grow hair.

One of my children was identified as highly gifted at 5 years old by a child psychologist (we had him seen due to issues he was having settling in to school - not because we felt he was advanced). Out of my two children he actually seemed the least advanced, he spoke early (not exceptionally - he had a wide vocabulary by 18 months and used complex sentences but I know other kids who are similar) but wasn't particularly independent at all much less so than my daughter who sounds much more like your DD and is more of an all rounder than my son but less exceptional in any area.

He's now almost 8 and I'm still not really sure what the relevance of his "giftedness" is. In some areas he is definitely very advanced for example in maths he's taught himself all the primary maths curriculum (not really sure how) and can outstrip the Y6's in the maths challenge. In literacy he's in the top group but I suspect towards the bottom of it, he reads well but not exceptionally well (according to his IQ he's top 0.1% and this is definitely not reflected in his literacy) he can learn spellings easily for the spelling tests but forgets them quickly too and his hand writing is probably the worst in the class.

In terms of what to do. You do nothing. Learning at this age is very much self guided, you read to them, talk to to them, give them a rich environment to explore. Don't push academics on to her because you have a notion she's advanced. You'll know when she's ready to learn what. My DD started noticing letter shapes at around 20-22 months so we gave her their names. DS recognised numbers before 2 and would ask why the house numbers went up in 2's etc.. He'd know which number bus we got to go where and would tell me when it was coming. When they ask questions you answer and engage in discussion but don't push anything on them or get excited about how bright they'll be they'll pick up on this and interpret it as pressure.

Sorry but that sounds perfectly normal to me.

@Kimmibastin
You dd sounds independent.
Out of my 3 ds, they are all different. 1st one sounds a lot like your dd, he's has started his own business at the age of 13, extremely independent but is dyslexic, which took a while to discover because the teacher just thought he was being lazy, vocally he says all the right words.

2nd ds, well he's relaxed, took his time doing all milestone, teachers always tell me how shocked they are that he get the test right because it looks as if he's not paying attention. He's extremely smart, his personality is just calm.

Ds 3 is only 16 months and a bit of both.

I raise them all the same, lots of play, cuddles, and No Pressure.

I am still growing wisdom teeth, does that make me a 'gifted' adult?!

I have had to have them removed three times, it is mighty inconvenient looking like a chipmunk for a week

OP she seems gifted as you gave another child to compare her to.

One of my nephews' was like your daughter when he was 20 months. His mother, who worked and still works in the NHS with babies and children under 5, simply thought it was amusing he hit milestones early. My nephew has two male cousins 9 and 11 months older who are also my nephews. His cousins couldn't do a lot of things at the time he was doing them even though they were older. All it did was worry their parents that their sons where developmentally delayed when there was absolutely nothing wrong with the boys.

Now they are all around 25. It has made very little difference in the long term. All 3 have firsts in their undergraduate degrees and good jobs. My nephew who did things early is more independent and best at looking after his youngest baby cousin, my LO, but that's probably nurture due to his individual family circumstances.

You describe your child and then say what should I do? What on earth do you think you should do, enrol her on some ou courses? Ask the local grammar school to take her at 2 instead of 4?

My DS held a bottle at 4 months, the one and only time he had a bottle. He wouldn't have it unless he could hold it himself. He was always independent and strong willed though!

My ds was born with a tooth and the ability to hold and control his head, imagine a (large tbf)

No teeth -full head of hair but yes MW were astounded he could hold his head up as soon as he was born. He crawled early - carpet crawled - but he has an older sister to chase after.

He's needed additional help in primary years - though he's now where they set in top sets at secondary.

I’d be wary about labelling children especially at this age – I was told by DGP how much more advance DN was doing things like sorting blocks into colours – in bottom sets at secondary – similar bog standard comprehensive my children.

My younger sister was considered the best academically by our schools and parents – yet I have the best exams results and the most education.

I took mine out a lot to groups – new environments different toys – lots of books at home – helped tire them out.

Don't worry OP she'll settle down and just be sitting there like a plate of mince before you know it.

Each child develops differently and as a nursery teacher I would think you would know that. It's definitely to early in your daughter's life to label her as gifted especially without a professional doing so.

This is a funny thread. Cheers OP.

I was also 'extremely advanced' at this age and grew up to be very ordinary indeed.

Isn’t she reading? Mine was recognising words from around nine months

Isn't this thread very much like the Yorkshiremen sketch by Monty Python?

Except instead of bragging about how challenging life was ("We had to get up at 5am and lick the road clean!" "Oh, that's nothing!!"), its bragging about how early one's child teethed or how early one's child held their own milk bottle?

Who got out the popcorn earlier? Pass me some

I love the idea that growing teeth quicker makes you a genius 😂

Nephew held his bottle from 2 months. My neice was speaking words from about 10 months and sentences / numbers by 18 months. All except one of my neices and nephews were fully potty trained and undressing / trying to dress themselves by 13-18 months.

None of this is considered gifted. Yes a couple of them have been identified as gifted later one but that’s because they did things that were considered as such. For example neice, at 7, has a reading age of 14 and is being given GCSE level maths and English problems in her Kumon classes. Nephew at 3 is not only able to count and do his multiplication tables but can apply them in real life too - for example at meal times, when sharing toys etc.

None of what you have said amounts to a gifted child. She may well be gifted later on but being advanced at this stage usually means little to nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Take her to soft play and groups where she can interact with other toddlers and become more and more independent. Support learning with shapes and colours. Read to her and when she's ready, with her.

What a load of bolloks. With the description OP has given I'd be more inclined to think SEN then gifted

The Op isn't the only one bragging about her "gifted" child.....

My eldest dd was highly advanced
Spoke at 6 mths but by 9 mths was singing full nursery rhymes and not just mimicking but understanding and responding to speech and by 1 year having proper conversations
She could count to 100 knew her alphabet and recognise some letters and sounds at 18 months old
She would not tolerate other children at all and nursery was horrific she would vomit at their ‘bad manners and noisy eating’
She was identified as gifted and talented at school
She struggled hugely and it had been awful. She has a very high IQ and undoubtedly highly intelligent as dropped out of school taught herself and got level 9s in GCSEs
She was diagnosed with ASD. Her intelligence really now is a hindrance to her and she struggles to function.

I was a teenager when I had her I wish I’d known rather than thinking she was just advanced and gifted. She was, and is, but it has actually made her life harder
I wish somebody had helped me to realise she wasn’t developing at the normal rate

My daughter was the same .i think girls do things quicker than boys..I’ve 3 boys and she reached every milestone way before them.knew her alphabet at 2 .could tell the time by 3..my 9 year old son can’t tell the time yet..
It evened out ,she’s 22 now and with a normal job