My advanced but exhausting daughter

[Kimmibastin]

I have known my daughter is different from an early age. She has insisted on holding her own bottle from 10 weeks, cut her first 2 teeth at 9 weeks....the list goes on. She is my 2nd born (my son is 3yrs 6mnths) Anyways she is now 20 months can count beyond 10, dresses and undresess herself, is toilet training and has an extremely wide vocab and understanding. I believe she is gifted. I have never felt this way about my son as always felt he has developed within the normal milestones but my daughter is just something different! Before u think im blowing her trumpet im not. I am a nursery teacher with 10+ years experience and know she is advanced. Tbh its a bloody pain in the arse! She doesn't sleep well,dosnt sit still and is very demanding.help!what shall I do?

There is probably someone in the family like this. Look at the adults to get an idea of what potential she might have. You probably don't have many Einsteins as rellies but it's good to give her as much support as you can.

I best get my 22 month old mensa tested then!

She did some things alot earlier than her friends who are a few months older... at the same time she does stuff that does make me wonder if she ever cope in the world (tried to eat a woodlouse the other day)

Then I remembered... she is still a baby and yes exhausts me day and night (thank God for cbeebies) but still developing and there is no way in telling her intelligence.

We have primary school teachers In the family and none of them are surprised by what she can do... Including actually counting things out not just saying the numbers in the right order... but they have told me what I can do to encourage her learning ready for school

Still hate the fact we use jolly phonics round here so have decided I will teach her real spelling as well as whatever nursery /school teach her.

Ps. August born baby as well. Makes me very worried for school so trying to give her a head start

Haven't rtft. OP your OP sounds like my dd. In fact my dd did some of those things earlier than yours. Surprised as I was she's 4 now and about to start school. I would describe her as bright and quick to learn. I think she's going to enjoy school.

That's it. Gifted and talented I doubt.

Is that you Phyllis?

She sounds like a very independent little soul who wants to do everything herself. Just let her be who she is and enjoy her!

My baby held his bottle at 8 weeks. He's by no means advanced! 😂 just greedy and defiant..

Just my limited experience but.... my eldest is 4.5 yrs and youngest is 19 months. The littlest has done absolutely everything earlier than his older brother. I think often they mimic and mirror older siblings. I don't think he's gifted, just observant and a good copycat.

Oh and he was/is pretty exhausting too as a result, as he has a desire to do everything his big brother does but not necessarily the self preservation sense. I don't treat him any differently than his older brother though.

Soontobe60 I actually have a video of DD2 feeding herself an entire meal with a fork at around 8/9 months! She just had good hand/eye coordination and was (is) a control freak so hated me feeding her!

These threads are always horrible with people desperate to take the OP down a peg or two for very daring to say the G word.

OP she sounds fab. My three have all turned out to be academically very bright, and were all complete puddings at your DD's age. If any one of them had been doing what she is I would have been shouting it from the rooftops!

What help do you want? It’s not clear from your post.
I think she’s reached milestones within the normal range (going off my own children, none of whom are “gifted” at school age, but none are behind). You mention she’s exhausting. In what way, and is that why you posted?

Still hate the fact we use jolly phonics round here so have decided I will teach her real spelling as well as whatever nursery /school teach her.

Let the teachers do their job, and don’t confuse your kid by making her learn 2 systems. They all get to the same place. My son is in year one and his spelling is brilliant, his school uses jolly phonics, but it does mean that when they’re trying to write a story they don’t have to stop and find a teacher because they haven’t been taught the spelling of a particular word, they can just phonetically get it as right as possible. All you’ll end up doing is giving her a bit of a spelling complex and discouraging her from using more advanced vocabulary in her writing because she’ll be scared of getting it wrong

This won't end well

Patapouf? And what do u mean by it wont end well?

Get it now?

Oh dear OP, people on Mumsnet do not like it when others talk about the idea of their children being intelligent or talented.

All of theirs will have done it earlier and twice as well in multiple languages, while crafting some pottery, and they'll say this in a pointed "couldn't care less" manner too. Someone will attack the OP on spelling or something to discredit them, or just to bring them down a peg or two. So it's always guaranteed to be amusing (though I agree that the pointed little "my precious one was breastfed" comments this time are something extra)

You know kids and you know your daughter's bright - maybe it'll level out, maybe she'll keep getting brighter. Just love her and let her play with others, train her into being sociable.

I think everyone is being quite harsh. Working in childhood development professionally myself and working around others in the field as well as dealing with professionals when it came to my own children I MUST point out that childhood development is not a science. I would think of it more as a social studies type profession and although you have particular milestones to look out for taking ones advice even professionally can have a negative effect and could hold your child back from developing other areas he or she is focused on naturally at that time. All of you pointing out your profession and being so harsh is not right, be understanding especially those going through it. I can COMPLETELY understand your pain. The brightest children ive worked with were the ABSOLUTE hardest to have especially around other kids. What I've personally learned is children do grow at different rates and different areas, if one is very observant and becomes very capable and aware they may not be aware emotionally and I've seen this with gifted children. Their brains are still trying to mature and while they've worked in one area and have succeeded I think another area needs developing. I've also learned with constant direction and NEVER giving in even when you are feeling like it will never work, is where you find success. Just one day she will do or say something that shocks you and all your blood sweat and tears pays off. I don't know how to save your sanity because I don't have one with my three children. My son does not ever sleep and the only thing I could do is be EXTREMELY consistent.So believe me I feel your pain and agony, the sleep deprivation is unbearable. Never the less I am bad cop, dad is good cop but he stands by all my decisions so my son knows he cannot weasel his way. You need to stick with structure and that means if you allow bad behavior it will not stop. My son goes to bed at 7:30 and that took extremely long to accomplish esp with his sleeping issues (read the 7:30 golden bedtime). He is a happier kid during the day when he gets sleep and he eats better. My son goes to his room if he has tantrums, he is at the age where he can talk to us and express his emotions. If your daughter is lacking this area to properly express her emotions then help her and be consistent with what behavior is acceptable. You may have to try many ways of discipline to find what works for you. My son goes to his room and I end up finding him playing with his toys and he comes down calmly. When out in public, this is another issue and we leave to teach him his lesson which he never wants to leave a get together but too bad, bad behavior then no privelages. You will break down and you will lash out. ITS NORMAL just remember if you put in the hard work now and not give in to that one piece of candy or that one hour they want to stay up or giving them second chances you will come closer to a child that behaves a little better. I have tried every trick in the book and the only thing that has worked is consistency and time! Nothing will prove to be a quick fix but being a structured mother will show major improvements. Kids are crying for structure it's what makes them feel safe so when you feel bad you're so structured , DONT because kids don't know what they want or what is good for them it's up to you as their mother to show them a safe, comfortable, stable life where they know rules, consequences , and parents who will be there for them to help them work through their issues. This is the hardest stage, showing them to share their emotions properly will lead into communicating properly when you go through the older harder stages like puberty.. look at this opportunity as the perfect time to build a foundation that helps both your daughter and you communicate openly. I want to point out that it's AMAZING that you notice your daughters stretngths and her gifts! Foster those because they absolutely are strengths. It's sad most parents shove those off as things all kids do. You are a mother who truly loves and appreciates watching her daughter grow, don't ever question that just because your kid drives you up the wall.

My ds was born with a tooth and the ability to hold and control his head, imagine a (large tbf) new born watching your progress as you walked across the room, moving his head to follow you. It was really quite odd. Bottle holding from 3 months (he was mix fed until he got more teeth, by 3 months I had to stop breast feeding as he would bite me 😮) He could sit up from about 4 months but it wasn’t something I encouraged as I felt as much as he could do it it wasn’t good for him until he was a little more stable. They all develop differently, he also couldn’t sit still, was a poor sleeper, bit out of frustration as a toddler. He was hard work.

I saw your title and could predict the responses! I think pp who have suggested lots of books, puzzles etc plus try and burn off as much energy as possible. Other than that, try to relax, take it as it comes.

OK, so most of the things that you mention have absolutely nothing to do with intelligence/giftedness, but even if she is gifted, what makes you think you need to do anything?

She is just a tiny kid. She needs a parent, not a hothouse.

My dd on the other hand, why would she bother when she had minions to do it all for her ha, nothings changed!

The lack of sleep routine must be exhausting. Toddlers can be demanding and tiring, regardless of when they got their teeth or held their bottle.

Books. Give her books, lots of books. Books with great pictures and good stories. Read her the same ones every night and show her new ones all the time. She's not quite to early reading, but she might be in about 18 months.

Also puzzles. Baby puzzles, simple puzzles, but something to keep her mind busy. Thinking is exhausting.

I second these.

I don't think the teeth mean anything though. My gifted 13 year old still has half his baby teeth!

Paragraphs, JM22!

Clearly you weren’t holding your bottle at 3 months

Cutting teeth early is nothing to do with being gifted!! That’s like saying she was born with curls, so is a natural beauty.

She may well be advanced, or it could just be as a second child she is picking up on things much faster than her brother.

All kids can be a pain, so you have my sympathies, but please don’t treat her as different.

My DS knew the full alphabet at 20 months. He forgot it by the time he started school. Obviously learned it again though 😂

My daughter was more advanced at 20 months. She is now a clever but very average teenager.