Corny or downright crap jokes anyone ? I shall begin.

[IndigoSpritz]

Yesterday morning, I went out to buy some batteries. It was a power trip.

Thanks to all who are contributing ti this thread. You are al helping to build my reputation with my grandchildren for wonderfully awful jokes.

My son's favourite joke when he was five, told over and over to whoever would listen..

Q What is orange and goes round and round?

A A baked bean in a washing machine

I still embarass him by telling his kids that to much eye rolling

What did the magic tractor do?

Drove down the road and turned into a field!

Vienna81 - ha, ha! Took me a while, but that's brilliant.

Thankyou DadDadDad. Which joke, the battery or the Zulu ?

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt.

@Vienna81 - ? There's only one joke on this thread posted by your username, and it's the one about placemarking.

The only battery joke is the OP, and I can't see a Zulu joke. Are you the OP?

Two nuns in a bath. One said "where's the soap" and the other said "yes, it does, doesn't it".

What's the difference between a Nun praying and a Nun in the bath.
One has hope in her soul.
The other has soap in her hole.

My DD told me a brilliant shit one earlier -

Why are elephants wrinkly?

Because they don't fit on an ironing board!!

DadDadDad. The placemarking thing wasn't a joke, honestly. It was a note to me as I am using a new name. The Zulu joke got deleted (probably crossed a line), as did an Irish joke, which wasn't mine.

@Vienna81 - OK, I'll play along - of course it's not a joke - ha, ha!

I was wondering how long the Irish one would stay up. I'm afraid I did giggle a bit at it as I remembered that one from my youth (told by some Irish family members, oddly enough).

What does Santa do in summer time?
Hoe, hoe, hoe!

Did you hear about the optician who fell into his lens grinding machine? He made a spectacle of himself.

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poker Face

These are brilliant!

Two fleas are leaving the cinema one evening. One flea asks, "so, shall we walk home or take a dog?'

Why do Marxists only drink Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Courtesy of my sixth-form philosophy teacher...

Why can't you send a telegram to Washington?
Because he's dead!

1st astronaut: Can you telephone from a spaceship?
2nd astronaut: Of course I can tell a phone from a spaceship!

Which is the messier sport, netball or basketball?
Basketball, because the players dribble; and netball players wear bibs, just in case.

Who (on a netball court) is jumping up and down screaming one moment, and sobbing in a chair the next?
The coach.

Two eggs were in a pan of boiling water.
1st egg: Wow, it's hot in here!
2nd egg: Wait until they get you outside - they'll bash your head in with a spoon!

How do you stop a dog barking in the back garden?
Put him in the front garden.