Corny or downright crap jokes anyone ? I shall begin.

[IndigoSpritz]

Yesterday morning, I went out to buy some batteries. It was a power trip.

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack

The man who invented the 'Hokey Kokie' died recently, the funeral was very fitting. As they tried to put him in his coffin the problems started- you see, they put his left leg in....

We all know why the chicken crossed the road. But do you know why the bubblegum crossed the road? It was stuck on the chickens foot!

I bought one of those Ready Meals from Tesco. The instructions were rubbish - it said “cook at 120 degrees”.
I tried for ages, but it kept falling over.

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

To get to the same side

Which reminds me

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

Old actuaries never die, they get broken down by age and sex.

I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off.

Someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints.

When I was young I wanted to be a ventriloquist, but could never afford a dummy, so I tried to make one out of an old carpet.
It was ruggish.

I once had a bike which kept attacking me. It was a vicious cycle.

Why do Norwegian navy ships have barcodes on their sides?

So when they get back to port they can Scandinavian

What do you call a dinosaur that looks after it’s teeth?

.... a flossiraptor...

There's our cue for:

There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary and those who don't.

My favourite Maths joke:

The discoverer of fractals was the celebrated Benoit B. Mandelbrot. But do you know what the B stands for? Answer: Benoit B. Mandelbrot.

No, there are two types of people: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data, ...

I got mugged by 6 dwarves last night.

Not Happy.

Old mathematicians never die, they just lose their functions.

One of my favourites from @MooseAllain on twitter. Am I allowed to quote someone else's joke?

What is a cow's favourite show? A moos-ical.

The world can be split into 2 types of people - those that think the world can be split into 2 types of people, and those that don’t.

What did the cheese say when it saw itself in the mirror?

Halloumi!

What do you call a cheese balanced atop a pole?

Stilton

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

What do you call a woman in the distance?

Dot

In a similar to previous jokes

We'll We'll We'll

We meet again autocorrect.

A nun is ordered to paint a room in the convent and Mother Superior insists that she not get even a drop of paint on her habit. After thinking about it for awhile, she decides she will just paint the room in the nude. She locks the door and begins painting.
After awhile, he hears a knock on the door. "Who is it?" she asks.
"It's the blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
Deciding no harm can be done from letting a blind man into the room, she opens the door.
The man enters and says, "nice tits, lady. Now where do you want these Venetian blinds?"