Corny or downright crap jokes anyone ? I shall begin.

[IndigoSpritz]

Yesterday morning, I went out to buy some batteries. It was a power trip.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs and no balls?
Still no £☆@&ing idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs and no balls and no ears?
Anything you like, he can't hear you.

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In the spirit of the above...

What are hippies?
They're what you hang your leggies on.

Ay theng yoo

Ooh! Also...
Man asking hard-of-hearing wife:

"What's for dinner?"
Silence. He moves closer.
"What's for dinner?"
Still silence.
He moves closer still.
"WHAT'S FOR DINNER?"

No answer is still the stern reply.

Exasperated, he puts his mouth right by her ear and yells, "WHAT'S FOR DINNER, FOR GOD'S SAKE?!"

And she answers:

"For the fourth time: ROAST CHICKEN!"

Another red sky at night one!

Red sky at night - barn's on fire.
Red sky in the morning - blummin barn's still on fire.

Why do elephants have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

When my grandpa was ill, my nan rubbed lard all over his back. He went downhill ever so fast after that.

I'm here all week 😂

Did you hear the inventor of autocorrect died? I didn't even know he was I'll.

What do policemen like for pudding?
Anything custardy!

Will you remember me in ten years?
Yes, I think so.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You've forgotten me already!

Watching on behalf of my 8 year old. Mummy brownie points here I come!!!

So, safely down from Mount Ararat, Noah starts on another construction project. It looked like another boat, nicely watertight ... lots of closely spaced floors... then he started putting water inside it, followed by goldfish.

It was a multi-story carp ark.

Did you hear the inventor of autocorrect died? I didn't even know he was I'll.

It would have been a bit ironic if he'd just been sic I suppose.

I was under the bonnet mending my car when I suddenly realised that all my tools had bite marks and teeth marks on them.

It was a tool-eater engine!

@EqrrolTheDragon

Did you hear the inventor of autocorrect died? I didn't even know he was I'll

It would have been a bit ironic if he'd just been sic I suppose.

My compliments.
Nothing funny; just that

Bah!

@ErrolTheDragon

No idea re the rogue q.

How do you make a Swiss roll?
Push him down the hill!

How do you make a Maltese Cross?
Poke him in the eye!

My dad's favourites

What do you call:
A Frenchman in sandals - Philippe Filoppe
Two Spanish firemen - José and Hose B
A Spanish man discharged from hospital - Manuel
A vicar on a moped - Rev
A lady with one leg longer than the other - Eileen
A sleepwalking nun - a roamin' Catholic

That reminds me, I'm not quite sure on the pros and cons of living in Switzerland, although the flag is a big plus.

Oh, well did you hear about the young cat who went to work for the Red Cross?
She wanted to be a first aid kit.

The phone rings. Derek's wife is upstairs so he answers it. The market researcher explains they are doing a survey on behalf of a chain of florists.
"So, what flowers did you have on your wedding day?"
"Oh, that's going back a few years. Hmm, my memory... What do you call that flower with thorns?"
"Rose?"
"Ah yes, that's right." Derek turns to the stairs. "Rose! Rose! What flowers did we have on our wedding day?"

My favourite joke!

What do you call a man with paper trousers?

Russel

😀

A lorry load of wigs was hijacked on the A1. Police are combing the area.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff

told - that reminds me, a friend had a nervous breakdown and developed this phobia of barbers. After that, things got really hairy.

(that one is my own creation, I'm ashamed proud to say)

What's the loudest colour?...

YELLow

What do you call a women who throws her bills on the fire?

Bernadette