Today I said the wankiest thing ever.

[LadyOfTheCanyon]

Cutting some cellophane into a circle at work while I customer watched
"that's pretty nifty!" She said " How do you know how to do that?
" Oh, it's the same principle as making a Cartouche for sweating celeriac!" I said cheerfully.

I fear my WC forebears are spinning in their graves. What's the wankiest thing you've ever said?

On the way home from staying at a friend's house DH and I sighed and said 'oh it'll be nice to be back in a proper sized bed for a good night's sleep'.

What it really translated to was 'at least tonight I won't have you waking me up with an elbow to the face you inconsiderate sleeper', but it sounded wanky.

@Pinkarsedfly

I now cannot unsee you as Ralph in Ted and Ralph from the Fast show.

🤣🤣Boil in the vag🤣🤣
Sat next to df and he’s to my random chuckling
What’s a cartouche???

Not in any way wanky but hugely patronizing, but a woman once told me about her stillborn baby and I went into this spiel about how her life will never be the same, but she will have to adapt to the new 'normal'. I don't know what came over me, I have no experience of stillbirth and I nearly turned inside out with mortification as soon as I said it. I went and had a cry in the car and hoped that the lovely woman wasn't too damaged by my lecture.

boil in a vag is that a Jamie Oliver recipe? No wonder he's restaurants went under with recipes like thatgrinwink

It might have gone down rather than gone under.

Decorating is such a pain as it needs internal scaffolding put up.

Yesterday at my mum’s house I said: ‘Good God there’s no rocket I can’t cope’.

She said: ‘that’s so millenial.’

Shaking with laughter at boil in the vag, actual tears rolling down my cheeks!

I may possibly have posted on a MN many years ago that the only green vegetable DD liked was samphire.

"I'm not a great fan of Moët to be honest, it's generally a label you buy because you don't know your champagnes"

In my defence the guy I was talking to was showing off and telling everyone about his millions, I have this need to out snob people like that.

I'm not a great fan of Moët to be honest, it's generally a label you buy because you don't know your champagnes

I thought , but didn't say, that in a rather nice country hotel last weekend where Moët was the only champagne on the wine list.

Oh wow! someone made a mildly amusing typo so we're all crying with laughter, waking babies, cats, dogs, DH's are looking bemused, spitting drinks etc...

Ooh thanks MitziK your wanky shopping list reminded me that my ds was after Houmous just in time to alter the shopping order

Lol - I don’t like Moet either and have turned it down when offered (by a pretentious fool)

Lady odds on you're in this week's talk round-up.😉

Hurrah.
Another competitive 'how MC am I' thread

If only you knew me...

I'm about as far from MC as you can get, both in upbringing and currently. Like a lot of people I like to read and have various topics of interest. Not enough to study, just think they're cool enough to read about/watch documentaries etc. What makes it 'wanky' IME is my habit of being that person who goes "ackchually..." and bores on about something obscure and ends up looking like a tit.

First paragraph is a quote which should be in bold. What a pillock.

Boil in the vag curry, must be made with bindi (ladies fingers) surely?

Not me but DD3 a couple of years ago - she must have been 10.

We’re in Tesco looking for buffet snacks, we usually buy things like mini scotch eggs, mini cheddars and those cocktail sausages that look like tiny shrivelled penises.

DD3 announces very clearly in a beautifully enunciated RP accent “Mummy please can we get blinis, I do love them so!”

When I was a travel agent, I used to get terribly excited when I found a good deal.

The couple I was looking for had just popped back in I gleefully ran out back to get a brochure to show the amazing deal I found for them exclaiming “ I have a nice little virgin for you !! “ ... it was a virgin holiday I wasn’t dealing in the sex trade... but my manager spit her tea out trying to hide her laughter while I tried to pretend I hadn’t said it and crack on with the sale ... think I sold that one too .. though they may have later contacted trading standards if they misunderstood what I was selling 😬😬😬

@LassOfFyvie see, because it is a crap champagne!

Not me but my eldest cracks me up. She's like that "overhead in Waitrose" Facebook group. Aged 3 she threw a massive paddy in the middle of Lidl, gasping through her breath "BUT ... MUMMY! I WANT PROSCIUTTO GNOCCHI FOR MY TEAAAAAA!" I must point out her dad is a earl of the earth blue collar worker and didn't know what prosciutto or gnocchi was until he met me.

*salt of the earth

Yeah I've got a habit of saying Happy Birthday back to anybody who wishes it to me as well.

Age 15/16. First time in a nightclub. Fairly basic seaside town.

Flailing around on the dance floor and my hand brushed against some random bloke's arse. He decided I was coming on to him, whereupon I yelled at him. "Sorry! Totally inadvertent I assure you."

Absolute. Bellend.

I don't think I lived that down for quite a few years.