Today I said the wankiest thing ever.

[LadyOfTheCanyon]

Cutting some cellophane into a circle at work while I customer watched
"that's pretty nifty!" She said " How do you know how to do that?
" Oh, it's the same principle as making a Cartouche for sweating celeriac!" I said cheerfully.

I fear my WC forebears are spinning in their graves. What's the wankiest thing you've ever said?

I came on to say about the time I gaily said to my friend 'got to rush, Waitrose are holding some red chicory for me'.

But frankly I've never read anything as good as boil in the vag!

Yesterday I said 'bank chaaaarges' and it came out 100% wanky... enough to make my fellow northerner look at me whilst peein himself & mimicking me repeatedly

Boil in the vagshaking my high-thread count-covered super-king zip-link bed with mirth (zip-link always sounds wanky to me - even though it's not really)

Mokepon - or Spotted Dick Boil-in-the-Vag

Toad-in-The-Hole Boil-in-the Vag sorry will stop in a min when i stop sniggering

"I have an appointment with my luthier"

HistoryandGreek

Best typo ever....

SallyOMalley

Only one i can think of..
I was in a cafe once with a friend. Waitress comes over and I asked if I could have a scone. But I pronounced it like "scoooone" in the way posh people do .
Now its all very well and good if that's how you talk normally but I have Geordie accent so it was just so out of place. I totally over pronounced it, just that one word (in a serious, matter of fact way) and still to this day have no clue where it came from.
Worst part was the waitress stifled a laugh and my friend looked visibly embarassed for me we breezed over it but over a decade later i still cringe about it.

#BoilInTheVag

I have a habit of giving everyone a history lesson any time the opportunity presents itself and then thinking "shut up you wank nobody cares" 😂 I just love history!

HoppingGreen - everyday essentials surely

Mine was very recently. Colleague asked if my son had posters in his room like her son. I replied that mine had only canvases of Banksy's.

I came here for the boiling vag

A cartouche is either the oval shape around the name of the Pharaoh in Egyptian heiroglyphics, or a 'lid' for something braising in a pan made out of greaseproof paper.

The word cartouche is French for 'gun cartridge', because the Napoleonic expedition to Egypt in the 18-19th century was the first time the ovals around royal names were given a specific designation, and the expedition was partly a military operation.

@Shadow1234 😂😂 that got me! Wat a twat..something id do.

'Chanks' cheers and thanks together. On the phone to nursery at the time. Cringe.

I will literally never eat curry from now unless it is boil in the vag 😂😂😂😂😂

Please let this be in classics. Boil in the vag is now a coined term in our house - boys laughing, me and dh in tears, cat seems to be smiling....

I once asked the waitress in a Toby Carvery type place if the olives were pitted, as Thomasina (not her real name) couldn't quite cope with the stones yet as she was only 2, but had asked for olives for lunch. Utter wankery.

A tear just rolled down my face at Boil in the Vag. DH thinks I've lost the plot. My new favourite thread ever!

Wankiest - when I was still in hospital after having DS I said to the nurse that he'd 'opened his bowels' 😕
Never before had I used that term - something inside made me feel the need to use it to a medical person. Why I just didn't say pooed his nappy I have no idea!

Boil in the vag sounds very handy for a crowded staff room when we're all waiting for the microwave 👍

Oh my days. Went off for a little snooze, came back and discovered you all falling about at my boiling vag.

I attempted to bribe my then 3 year old to not pull the curtains open while I was trying stuff on in changing room with. "If you do that mummy won't buy you sushi". A hush descended in the shop. I was too mortified to leave for at least 15 minutes ....

When I took over my allotment the guy with the plot next door came over to say hello and asked why I wanted an allotment.

Before I knew what was happening I heard my voice saying, ‘Well, in my last house I had land.’

Ffs

I god, and I once said to a GP who I was seeing about changing my contraception,

‘I’m actually menstruating at the moment.’

Who says that??