Today I said the wankiest thing ever.

[LadyOfTheCanyon]

Cutting some cellophane into a circle at work while I customer watched
"that's pretty nifty!" She said " How do you know how to do that?
" Oh, it's the same principle as making a Cartouche for sweating celeriac!" I said cheerfully.

I fear my WC forebears are spinning in their graves. What's the wankiest thing you've ever said?

^LadyOfTheCanyon*
You have made us all laugh
You have made some of us wake the DCs
You have made some of our DP/H/W look at us
You have made a lot spit their drinks out .

YOU ARE BRILLIANT

MNHQ classics please . . . .

Not me but dd (admittedly my fault obviously)

"Interrupting is not an acceptable way to debate" aged I think 9?...

...it gets better - said to a politician visiting her school when discussing the debate afterwards (he'd kept interrupting her friend)

Told to me by her class teacher in a weirdly amused but proud way

"He was being quite rude to be honest"

Re telling the Chinese food deliverer to enjoy their meal - that kinda thing doesn't even register with me any more!

Fairly common for me to say "love you" at the end of phone calls to strangers (bank, online shopping, pharmacy etc) and when out and about to thank self service tills and ATM's - I don't even worry about it any more!

Dd (answers phones at work) has been known to start our calls "hello dds name, company name how can I help you?" And end calls "happy to have helped, call back any time and have a good day" 😂😂 and she once greeted the postman similarly 😂😂😂 closed the door and turned to me (in bits laughing) with a face "What did I just say to him?!"

"Boil in the vag curries, for the menopausal lady who's short of time" I'm only peri, pretty sure our vag's are hot enough without the addition of either heat or spices - mine certainly is!

"In a wanky way "Oh he'll just have some olives and brucetta, he's not fussed on hummous but he does like guacamole"" ouch - that has reminded me

"Dd doesn't like chips but if you've any cous cous she loves that" says at a friends house a LONG time ago before cous cous was as popular and well known as now

Wankiest thing I've heard someone say?

A minor actress to colleague when trying to queue jump (in a town STUFFED with actual world famous celebs like Beatles, Oscar winning actors...and yes I've just got the irony of saying that is wanky too but it's important for context)

"Don't you know who I am?"

His reply?

"No. Please move to the back of the queue" (he really didn't because...he was too young to even be aware of her - pre internet days and the show she had a small part in hadn't been on for years!)

She was not impressed and flounced out the shop. Me and manager (both old enough to know who she was and fair to say not fans) could see all this from the stock room without being seen by customers, took us all we had not to laugh out loud.

"She said: ‘that’s so millenial.’" I love your mum 😂😂😂

Earl of the earth - pretty perfect typo for this thread 😂😂

"I'm from a council house in the Central Belt of Scotland and he's a caretaker's son from Derbyshire." Haha! Yea if you spew that nonsense in easterhouse you're running the risk of getting lamped! 😂😂or at least the piss ripped out of you.

My sister once made the mistake of saying to my weegie granny that she'd switched to earl grey tea at home.

"Is that posh blether for shite weak English tea?" 😂😂😂 loved my granny.

I read 'boil in the vag' and 😂😂😂 I laughed so much my spleen ruptured. Luckily my husband is a paramedic and after he too literally shat himself giggling he drove me to the hospital, with only three minor traffic accidents each time we remembered BOIL IN THE VAG and started squealing with laughter again!

Thread nominated for Classics and also Booker Prize!!

I had a very long and exhausting Labour with ds2 and eventually fell asleep in between every contraction. I had some really vivid dreams, and according to dh woke up as one contraction started saying "in Aeschylus' Orestia, Clytemnestra killed Agamemnon in the bath". Fuck knows why I was dreaming about Ancient Greek tragedy or why I saw a need to explain it to the medical team.

I went to a pretentious all-girls school which used an archaic system of year numbering. I was having a conversation with a group of fellow mums about our kids reading some book in school and heard myself saying "I remember studying that when I was in the Upper Third" . Why the fuck I didn't say Year 7 is beyond me.

Friends over for dinner, I was making some sort of beef roast with the gravy and the works, and my DS pipes up " are you making that red wine reduction, Mum?"

When Dd was about 15 months old we went around the London aquarium. In my defence she wasn’t sleeping and I was very very tired. We were looking at the shark tank when I suddenly came out with
‘Sharks aren’t fish darling.... they are mammals. Do you know why? Because they give birth to live young!’
Like my 15 month old pre-verbal toddler gives a shit. I got some serious side eye from the woman next to me..... to this day I have no idea why that came out.

Lol, neither do I. Sharks are fish, not mammals.

Great.... wanky and wrong!

This is why I shouldn’t speak in public, ever.

"DP, come on, this is really quite basic quantum mechanics."
Said by a rather pissy moi while watching a documentary. I actually have no expertise in this area whatever, it was just the one of the few impressive science related things I remembered from school.

Fora few years I worked with a guy from Mexico who made the most amazing guacamole .We would do a breakfast on Friday mornings with everyone providing something. I was the only native English speaker in the group so I started pronouncing guacamole the same way as everyone else, in Spanish (American Spanish, no idea if it's the same in Spain) the 'gu' is pronounced similar to 'w' in English.

This has stuck, so now if I order it I sound like I'm ordering an arcade game. As soon as it is out of my mouth I remember how wanky it sounds nut I never remember just before.

@FrenchFancie

Sharks are most certainly fish! (Although some of them do give birth to live young, they don't have the other all important characteristics a mammal would have - hair for example, or the ability to suckle their young). You're thinking of whales.

There, that was me making a nice wanky response.

I’m sure I’ve said lots of wanky things but HOWLING at boil in the vag too much to think of them

they don't have the other all important characteristics a mammal would have - hair for example

Dolphins and orca (also dolphins) don't have hair.

They're born with hair! They just go bald really early on in life!

@FrenchFancie

@ChillaxingInMyKimono actually, pink river dolphins in Costa Rica actually do have hairs - on their snouts (and frankly, you can't have a snout if it's not hairy) - helps them find their food in a the darkly stained and heavily sedimented river water... no other dolphins have this.

Was that wanky (or did I just happen to see a programme about this last night!!!).

Fish breathe thru gills, mammals have to come up to the surface to take air into their lungs.

Surely for 'mammal' the necessary and sufficient clue is in the name? Will no one think of the monotremes?

I got royally taken the piss out of by my brother recently when he offered me a dip for saying.... I only like Moroccan hummus!

@Graphista I love your granny too. She was right.

Sharks aren’t fish darling.... they are mammals. Do you know why? Because they give birth to live young!’

Some, but not all sharks, give birth to live young but they lack other mammalian characteristics. Sharks are fish.

Don't you make a food related cartouche by folding it up etc? If op was saying it's the same principle how did she get the clingfilm to open out afterwards, wouldn't it stick together?

I know I'm missing the point, but its annoying me.

Another one, I've never lold at something on Mumsnet and twice in one thread I've got tears rolling down my face 😆

#BoilInTheVag

And 'It's good to spread my legs'

Just said to my dh that I inadvertently made him Earl of the Earth and he asked me if I had been sniffing glue.

Some fish give birth to live young - guppies, for example.