Today I said the wankiest thing ever.

[LadyOfTheCanyon]

Cutting some cellophane into a circle at work while I customer watched
"that's pretty nifty!" She said " How do you know how to do that?
" Oh, it's the same principle as making a Cartouche for sweating celeriac!" I said cheerfully.

I fear my WC forebears are spinning in their graves. What's the wankiest thing you've ever said?

I wonder if the PP who said sharks are mammals is the teacher who taught the children that whales and dolphins are fish.

How did we meet? Oh, we both used the same relocation consultant

DD was in early primary school and they were learning PH sounds. Phone, Stephen etc.

Class had to think of some and little her pipes up, “Philosophically”

In my defence it was in one of her favourite poem books but teacher telling me thought it was hilarious

imogen I’m a relocation consultant- am I an aspiration??

One Christmas Eve my DH phoned from the supermarket to see if I’d missed anything. Me - ‘we’re perilously short of nutmeg!”. Twat.

@MitziK

Ha! I was about to post the same. Mine was.

‘I’m technically a Soprano with an excellent bottom (snarf) but as I have a 6 octave range with falsetto you can really put me anywhere’

I was trying to be factual when joking a new choir but really came across wanky.

@sashh absolutely howling at whackamole

Thanks for the giggles OP - you certainly brightened up my morning. I haven't laughed like that for ages

Hoppinggreen - our relocation consultant is wonderful and is now a good friend. I was just acutely aware of how middle class and privileged I must have sounded!

Late to the party but pudding myself at vag curries

Ffs pissing*!

What is a relocation consultant?

A friend explaining that she had been to a funeral recently. "Oh, did you have a good time?" I asked. My fault, I wasn't really listening, and was a bit distracted at the time. The look she gave me. I blustered and back tracked, but I couldn't unsay it!

between the original comment and the "boil in the vag" - how is this is not in Classics yet?

OP thanks for the laughs - you win MN

What is a relocation consultant?

Phil Spencer and Kirsty Allsop.

In a toddler group, and having to explain why DC's cuddly toy was named after a philosopher.[blush

Dd (14) on a camping holiday..."Daddy, did you bring the nutmeg for the rice pudding?"

And dh and I are constantly uttering wankery to do with roasting coffee (coffee snobs and proud 😬)

Oh, this thread has just reminded me of this old Catherine Tate sketch! Not normally into her stuff but I find this hilarious:

"you've been very naughty, and you're not having any brioche when we get home."
To my dad's dog! It was stale brioche that was unfit for humans in my defence. I got a withering look from a man walking past.

Boil in the vag, has me howling, my dc are asking what so funny lol. Need that thank you.

Don't know if it's the wankiest thing
But I once went into a sandwich shop I used to go into every Friday to get some dinner.
I went in this particular Friday looked the server behind the counter straight in the face and said " Please can I have a cheeseburger " she didn't know what to say and looked at me like I was mad considering I go in there every week. She stared at blanky and was about to say "we don't do cheeseburgers " I said "I know , I don't know where that came from".
I was having a stress full week.

Also I was watching a TV series and looked at my DH and said "why do they have front doors on as their back doors".
Yeh felt like a right div.

Then I was getting kids ready for school and DH was taking ages to leave the house and I turned round and said " well if you didn't eat the milk " yeh my dc were in fits of laughter, I have never heard the last of it. Don't even know where that came from either.
I must be going loopy.

“The only time I ever edited a Wikipedia article was to correct someone’s ancient Hebrew”.

My DH says it’s not the most pretentious thing i’ve ever said but he couldn’t give me an actual example of anything else.

@AnActualWoman

Worry no more, it wasn't clingfilm, it was cellophane. I'm a florist, and making a circle of cellophane is a neat way of making a bag of water for a hand tied.

And I'm SO glad I've given you all the typo of the week!