Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

Was just idly going through my shag alphabet and realised I haven't covered the following letters: F, H, L, O, Q, U, V, X, Y, Z.

Disappointing, it's so uneven. For J we have

Julian x 3
John x 3
Joey
James x 2
Jim

Mummy you can get it in liquid form. Hide it in his gin. Topiary if you haven't read the thread you may not realise that I saw your splendid work on the telly last night. Vulva shaped topiary - inspired.

I have now done 6 days of paid employment and I'm ready to retire. Project please can you hurry up and transfer the funds? There's no need to prepare a special room for me, just get me a lilo and put it by the gin cabinet.

Does it matter what colour biros we use to stab people with? I have a few red ones knocking about.

That is a lot of J's thigh. How unfortunate that you've had 3 Julians. Unfortunate for them I mean, being called Julian. I can't remember all of mine but I can contribute an H x 2 to your list.

Oh - and a Dave.

I’ve got V x2 covered

And obvs U and Q for Uncle Quentin.

Was one of your V's a Victor this? Have any of us had an x or a z?

What about F, L, O, X, Y, Z?

Oh shit, haven't got a W either. This is dreadful.

If I could only remember all of them I'm sure I'd have the missing letters covered.

Never done a Billy who might have been a William?

Nope, neither was a Victor!

It’s nice that our missing letters spell foxy.

I never thought I was particularly slutty but there’s a couple of names I’ve forgotten, so let’s say they were Flavian, Liam, Oliver, Xavier, Yul and Zachery.

Oh holy fuck, I’ve had an Ian. I’d forgotten / blocked it out. Worst shag ever.

I have indeed done a Billy, also recalled yet another Jim but remembered that I only actually shagged two of the Julians.

And I remembered a Dave! Nice chap, bad stutter.

it looks more like Floozy to me. but I'm new here, that may be the problem.

I can contribute a Dave, but seeing as he's been rejected by two more wives after me, you really don't want him.

Proj 2 Ians - disgusting, plus a hand shandy ugh, hate Ians.

1more welcome, thank you for the defective Dave. Do you have any of the missing letters though? Have you had a Colin?

Ok, just texted my sister she has an Ulrich and a Xavier (Eurorailing).

My friend has had a Colin if that counts?

Being a whore I've probably had the alphabet but how would I know their names?

Thigh it is unacceptable to shag Julians, you should stop that now! (no judgement)

I can also recall an Ian too deep in my past and horrid it was too!

Also I reckon I've had A, D, I, R, F, G, H, P, S, T

God this is like doing maths, it's too taxing for my brain! Can naked work mine out correctly, I can't be arsed with letters n stuff!

NUUURRSE!!!

Hello 1more welcome! Just for information I am a whore on holiday in the asylum!

Has anyone shagged a nice Ian? Or had a good shag with an Ian?

no, none of the missing letters, not even counting middle names. let's not discuss the knowing of last names, knowing a few middle names makes up for a few missing surnames, yes?

I do have one that I do not recall his name at all. so you can assign him any name you would like. I also have one whose name I could recall if I really wanted, but I don't want to. you can rename him also.