Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 25/05/2019 22:42

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
47
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/05/2019 12:53

I think unless they are a monoglot who only speaks Scottish Gaelic it's show offy to spell your name Iain.

I love the idea of biros as weapons, can't get arrested for having a pen innit? Ditto bar of soap in a sock.

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 27/05/2019 13:28

Yes and they are not as expensive as semi-automatic rifles. I nearly went bankrupt buying them on the black market!

I might sell a couple and just focus on collecting biros instead. Oh yes and soap and socks too!

Can you still buy 'soap on a rope' ?

thislido · 27/05/2019 13:32

I’ve told you all before, I’m not having a baby, not even for Thighland.

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?
thislido · 27/05/2019 13:33

Soap on a rope would have a better swing.

DanglyTassles · 27/05/2019 13:40

That's what I was thinking this and it saves on the expense of the socks!

S0CKS · 27/05/2019 13:50

Can you come to a solution - im at work on bank holiday Monday and i couldn't give less fucks about doing any work

CarolinePooter · 27/05/2019 13:50

dangly love your charming pedantry re apostrophes. People should follow your lead and the world would be a less annoying place!

Yes, soap on a rope!! Essential in a prison, I imagine, to save bending over.

lido you are being recruited by a sect to have their babies. Just say no!

Thigh if you have an internal twin that does explain a lot!

DanglyTassles · 27/05/2019 14:18

SOCKS look at that ... I wrote the word 'socks' and then you appeared before us in genuine distress.

I summoned you like a beacon of hope.

I appreciate your pain! You shouldn't be working at all - EVER!! Work is what caused my ruin and I'm now in the looney bin for exhaustion, alchoholism, whoredom and insanity (and ugliness and because I'm a lady with a cock) and i feel none of this applied before work made me actually work!

That what is causes!!

Stop working right now! Down tools!! I mean it! it is very dangerous! Run away! Go home! Lie down!

If you do go insane though, try to get into this hospital/prison where i am residing under a section but voluntarily as well cos I could easy escape! We have sticky toffee pudding and crack!

DanglyTassles · 27/05/2019 14:29

We've got these now thisters! Choose your weapons! I would like the pig!

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?
thislido · 27/05/2019 17:21

I’ll take the blue one, whatever it is.

thislido · 27/05/2019 17:22

Thought this was about your bowels for a moment Thigh

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/05/2019 17:55

TL those gardeners are barbaric! I've never heard of the Chelsea Chop before even though I watch Made in Chelsea.

OP posts:
thislido · 27/05/2019 17:59

I know. Litany of euphemisms too - ‘emerging buds’ must be piles.

thislido · 27/05/2019 17:59

That was actually meant to say lots, but litany kind of works.

Mummy0ftwo12 · 27/05/2019 20:03

Help! how do i get a threadworm tablet down my three year old? i have tried hiding in cake, hiding in juice, reasoning, putting it in his mouth?????????????????????

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/05/2019 20:10

Muumy dog? I crush it in a block of cheese. Human? Crush it and make a paste then hot chocolate.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/05/2019 20:13

TL I prefer litany. When we asked you to have babies for Thighland you said "ok, but not until Summer and I really love brushing my boyfriend's hair".

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/05/2019 20:17

Just going through the transcript here TL - "I love to socialise, especially loud parties. I want to grow my hair so I can put it in bunches".

You've changed.

OP posts:
thislido · 27/05/2019 20:19

Mummy tell him a terrifying story about what the worms will do if he doesn’t take the tablet?

The centre bit of Jaffa cakes is quite good for squishing things into but it won’t hide it, he’ll need to be on the trick.

thislido · 27/05/2019 20:19

You’ve just made me realise I’ve never had a boyfriend with brushable hair.

thislido · 27/05/2019 20:20

It would take a fucking long time to get mine to bunches length!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/05/2019 20:29

Mummy tell the 3 year old that you'll burn his binkie and blankie if he doesn't eat it. Learn from Project's mistakes, never show a hint of weakness. From now on you're to think of yourself at a warder.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/05/2019 20:30

TL it can be your new project - speaking of which? Still waiting on that cash.

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 27/05/2019 20:44

Mummy I am currently incarcerated in the looney bin and they way they get me to take my meds against my will is to say to each other that the substance is some 'really good shit that Dangly is not allowed to touch or she'll start doing karaoke again'.

Then they 'accidentally' leave it in my room and I fall for it every single time!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/05/2019 20:51

Do you know, I've never slept with a Dave or a Colin. Isn't that odd?

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread