Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

Never smoked cigarettes.

This is how you raise a serial killer

I hate Parma violets too. Did you know you can get giant Love Heart sized ones too? Horrifying.

@TopiaryTractorTart probably hiding in a tree or better yet a neighbours house curled up to defend against water.

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling the thighland love. She is probably hiding, yes. She may have turned into a seagull as there is one that has been sitting outside for ages staring at me like a fucking bastard.

Massive Parma violets, what a hideous idea, might as well just eat a bar of soap.

That ballet looks very odd indeed. Is it a baby Voldemort robot? Doesn't look very balletish.

Smoked for 15 years. At least 30 a day.
Not smoked for 10 years now except for those odd pissed up ones.

Sending best wishes for the safe return of TTT's cat. If it's anything like mine, it will wait until it is thoroughly saturated before returning to sleep on your bed to dry off, thus leaving a horrible wet, furry patch. Mine also dances along the window sills, leaving a muddy trail. I believe that it uses it's legs like a fountain pen inner to suck up muddy water and then slowly oozes this out along various surfaces.

Sending cat homing vibes!

I was one of those social smokers. If i went out with friends that smoked, i could get through a packet, but then wouldn't touch one again until i went out with smokers again.
Haven't touched one for 30 odd years now.

If this is moving towards usage of recreational drugs we should probably stop now .

Well I just died from eating crack so that's put me off a bit now.

Your cat sounds like an artist Dog. You must be very proud.

I would be very happy to see her making muddy foot prints right now

Anyway I've lost my crack pipe so I can't even do it properly!

Yes DT but you came back to life so all is well.
You can try everything except crack and heroine is what the wise parents tell you.

Has she ever stayed our before? I’d be in a complete panic by now if it was mine because he never goes out for more than a few minutes, at least if I’m here. He’s like the dog version of a cat. It took several years before I could come home without being able to hear him miaowing behind the door as soon as I came into the block.

Dangly oh god there was a news story recently about someone swallowing a bag of coke on flight from Birmingham to UAE (? I think) which killed her as it burst in her stomach. Pretty tragic as she had 3 children and a teaching job.

Oh it was Victoria Buchanan flying from Manchester

What was she thinking? I bet she can't even come back to life like I did!

I think we Thisters know the secret of resurrection, it is because we continue to communicate with the living through the medium of brackets. Thats why we come back from the dead. Either that, or you, Dangly and M3 are zombies, which is great, 'cos you are the frontrunners for the apocalypse. Either way it's a win win.

You have superior skillz:)

Where’s Proj? I hope she’s not frittering our cash on the coach holiday I’m being advertised.

Proj is an old lush like me, she better not be splurging it all on gin!

I'm not sure I've met Proj. Where is this Proj? Is she an advice technician or another inpatient?

Well you must meet her Frown , she has a dark lord for a son and she will be buying us a house to all live in various corners of soon, I shall do some mysterious magik to summon her:

@ProjectGainsborough please come and meet Frown

Look TL our adverts tend to echo each others. Is it because we're best friends?