Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

Or at least it can compete in the 'sweet as' competition with him!!

Or pubic louse? (No judgement)

Public Louse.

Did Frown identify the sober thisters yet?

TL your assessment of "endearing" has been skewed by your sessions with Uncle Quentin and the subsequent anal warts you have in photos on your desk.

thigh Gingernaut is one. Actually the jury is reconvening about you!

TTT I think that's what cocks look like - it's been a while. Pale, flaccid, hairy.

Gingernaut is one what, now? 🤔

Teetotaller.

Yup.

Teetotaller.

Saw the tail end of the thread about pale, flacid pubic lice and didn't know what to think....

Blimey I didn't know you were as well though Ginger it seems we are a mix of old soaks and the thober thisters!

We should have a similar poll on who smokes! I used to for ten years but gave up and not smoked for 19 years now!

I'm just a drunken old slag nowadays who only sobers up when it's the week! I don't fancy drinking tonight though, I might just go whoring instead!

dangly I became really intolerant to alcohol 20 years ago (sob) and have never smoked!

Caroline your body is a temple! You will live to be 110.

I am not intolerant of anything. Apart from the aforementioned palma violets and gross phallic insects.
I did just think it looked rank but then Thigh pointed out the penis resemblance and I nearly puked in my hand.

Like a diseased penis it is

I think Caroline will live to 124

TTT good grief, at a cursory read I thought you were displaying a fondness for diseased penis.

I think Caroline will live to 101 before she abseils onto Buck Pal for fun and lands onto a Corgi.

I think Caroline will survive the fall (but squash the corgi) and then live on for another 9 years.

Well I'm glad we're a mix of extremes, sober or sot. None of this thimbles at Christmas malarkeys.

No Frown. Fear not!

So dear friends, my cat has not come back since yesterday afternoon and this is very unusual, I am more than a bit concerned, can anyone do some magic like they did with the ants and tell her to come home. It's raining.

I've lined up my singing ants and instructed them to warble sweetly to magic the cat home. Bribed them that I would give them a twig to march home as an incentive. It brings out their Roman soldier souls. They're singing their hearts out, I've had to turn off the radio.

Awww TTT hope they're home soon

Frown that really prompts me to take up abseiling! I do sometimes regret my boring lifestyle ;-)

Dangly my body is more like a tiny crumbling chapel with one remaining worshipper.....

TTT I will try and repay your faith in me!

Poor wet cat! Have you tried loudly opening a tin of Whiskas? Will send magic go home vibes!

Thanks Frown. Did you take my ants? I'm very happy if you did but hadn't realised they were magic and so might have kept them for myself!

Here's hoping they will bring massive ball of fluff home and then make their way back to yours

Yeah it would be like Homer Ulysses wouldn't it, an army of ants marching up bearing the cat home. It's probably hid underneath a bush somewhere to escape from the rain.

And the ants are mine now, all mine!! Mwahhaha. Don't feel too jealous though, they sing offkey

TTT I’m worried about your cat too now! I hope it’s back soon and has just been exploring an alternative source of food. lidocat is sending special cat signals.