Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

Emily if you're pregnant we will name the baby.

Best wishes Emily :)

Anyway. thigh. WAKE UP!! HELP, HELP! I have been lured into an internet cult where they're obsessed with islands, dogs pretending to be cats and ants and only two of then don't drink alcohol and they made me romantically attached to a member to ensnare and entrap me and forget my husband. What shall I do?

Frown I was just Thinking of You (menacing, yet not illegal). So you have a husband, do you want us to kill him and hide the body?

Plus not many of us drink at 6am, only the sanitorium dwellers.

Ffs, if I could just get through a fag without needing a shit my life would be complete.

We're not a cult, we're a highly trained military unit.

We're obsessed with dogs, cats and one fish only. Also lions. And me, we're obsessed with me.

thigh Oh. I think I'll wander off and see if the loo is full of rum.

Frown I'm not demanding you have your husband killed, just offering. DT kept hers alive as a bottle opener but those were special circumstances.

Emily we will be naming the baby Heathcliff if it's a girl and Penis if a boy.

DT TB 5'10",150lbs, blue eyes.

He was very attractive, but definitely not husband material and let's face it you wouldn't dare risk shagging him!

I think he preferred his shags dead anyway.

Bit thin don't you think?

Agree and as he aged he kind of lost his boyish appeal and just looked deranged. Well they do say you end up with the face you deserve!

Look! Apparently our mobility scooters are deadly! What a bonus!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3605014-Mobility-scooters

I think they're OK in formation. Obviously we are more like the Red Arrows when we go out, so people gaze at us in admiration!

Am I the other thober thister? Tea is my drug of choice ;-)

My leg hurts today. I’m supposed to be working. It is ok to lay on the sofa and pretend to tap on my laptop periodically?

Caroline no, but now we know, that makes three thober thisters!

Bisha of course you should! That's all you should have been doing anyway!

Work are evil. They made me work once and I ended up in the looney bin!

Raise a tribunal if any questions you, you clearly have the protected criteria of disability to play on.

Chant after me: "Shirk all Work, Shirk all Work!!"

Bisha laminate a little card that says "I've got a bone in my leg" and produce it when challenged!

Warning: Leg moves when bent.

I have to be honest, I'm not responsible enough to own a robot. It wouldn't be good for me, or anyone else. To begin with I would have immense joy, then thoughts of murder and mayhem would surface.

Ooh! McDonalds breakfast! That'll cheer me up.

I can't find a single ant this morning. Thank you whoever did the magic spell.

I most definitely do not count in the sober thighsters. I am not always proud of this and have way too many hangovers and behaviour problems but I just think I'm sooo much fun when I'm shitfaced.

I am working from home and doing the occasional tap on the keyboard thing Bisha. This is so I don't have to re login which takes about 10 minutes, very high security.

Oh the fun we could have with robots! The possibilities!