Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. I can’t stop with toffee, it’s my nemesis. I eat until I feel sick, pause briefly, and then resume.

Ha. I’m being offered free hearing aids now. That will reach me to insult Frown.

Which supermarket though? M&S seems to have display beds, I'm not sure if they're to sell beds or bedding. Are they illusions made of cardboard like the pretend Russian towns constructed for Catherine the Great's Grand Tour?

Fairly certain M&S also has sofas etc and they absolutely have knickers. But no fags, so fuck that.

@thislido yes, I sent a plague of them to you in a vengeful way. Beware, the gods of hearing aids are upon you!

TL and Great Leader! I would never challenge Thigh's right to rule! It's ordained from above (or below) and ingrained in all our pissy slankets.

Attaching pic of garage pool - when I fancy a dip enroute to trip out to bless my realm inhabitants with Fuckboy chauffeurs in vintage Rolls.

Also pic of BastardCat 3.0. I'm not oblivious to the obvious issue but needs must.

You’re in luck, MrsCat, I can’t be bothered to search previous threads for evidence of your treachery.

So is BastardCat 3.0 a good swimmer? If he can catch mice, too, then he is at the very pinnacle of cat perfection!

Yes name my baby. She will become a Thighsciple when the time is right. For now she passively follows the ways of Thigh e.g. lying down a lot.

I reckon a Costco or similar cash and carry would be even superior to a Tesco etc. Similar sorts of stuff but in massive fuck off boxes for extra gorging/bingeing.

I now crave treacle toffee. Damn you all!

preggo you could be like the American Indians and name her after something in nature. Earthquake? Flood? Global Warming?

But thigh will agree that Margaret is overdue for a comeback!

Pooter - you and I both know that Margaret is insane and can get tae fuck.

I think I would like to honour Miss Dangly Tassles for all she has done for Thighland and name the baby in her honour. DT you may smash the bottle of rum over baby Dangly's head.

Preg when is Baby Dangly due? We need to retrieve it and check for chimerism before we name it. I think we should offer it to the Dark Lord in Training as his first wife. He must be appeased.

Baby Dangly will be useful for getting us first seats in lifeboats TL - I'm not raising it or doing anything though - that's all on you.

What need have we of lifeboats? You have your inflatable tits and I shall convert myself, Transformer™️ like, into thislilo.

Damnit I had managed to forget the toffee and now my mouth is watering again.

This is ridiculous, I'm literally starving to death and there nothing in the house that doesn't require actual real cooking.

True TL we'll name the baby but that's it.

Deliveroo.

Not the name, although it could be.

FFS I've never been on this thread before so thought I'd have a look. I can't drive at the moment and live in a tiny village - now I find myself in need of treacle toffee and seriously considering paying £4.99 delivery for shit loads of the stuff.

Thanks a lot. Bastards.

I think it should be called Isosceles and that preg should get over to the baby names board to check out opinions.

I'll have a bacon sandwich, I resent making it but going to the shop would require human interaction.

Welcome Ben. I’d offer to split delivery but it doesn’t sound like you’re local.

Ben take a look at my sister's mouth, that'll put you off. Deliveroo, maybe a Chinese.

Ramen and dumplings should be here soon. Plus a full night of murder on telly, DT will be chuffed re the murder, she loves a bit of gore.