Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

DT as a lethal weapon, brilliant!

Thigh may be so bold to remind you and my fellow Thighlanders I was kidnapped? Which is practically one of your edicts. I also managed to be reverse kidnapped which has shoved me up the our domain's hierarchy. I would not dare to say a anywhere near your beauteous wife Naked or DT let alone ThisLido; more like hovering behind Pooter's considerable arse.

mrscat you are too kind! My arse is considerable yet considerate. It politely thanks you for hovering with such delicacy!

thigh we all need to hole up in an enormous supermarket. We could have an aisle each, so NO VISITING, but we could put out announcements on the tannoy!

Just let me check ... so I am assassinating Trump with my lethal fanny as a cannon, that part is excellent, but just so we're clear ... HE IS NOT GROPING IT!!

I am a whore yes, and proud of it, but I'm not that filthy!!

Cat is this a power play? A bid for my crown? You would be Thigh II? Take it, I'm crippled with the responsibility, my bowels were normal before I became Lord Protector.

DT can I just check that you are happy to be a canon whore? I'm obliged to ask as part of the HSE.

TL did you send me this?

My sister sent me this photo of herself, this is why I'm like I am

Yes Thigh, I thought we could start our own baby names board in the Thighland section and discuss names for your shits.

This is what a brilliant funeral plan looks like!

Is your sister eating a slug?

Didn’t MrsCat make a bid for power before?

Well DT if he gropes you the whole world will delighted with the cosmic justice of it causing his death. But it’s up to you.

Re sleeping in the supermarket, a large branch might have camping supplies or at least some outdoor furniture? Also don’t forget the staff room and other bits we never see!

We could also take an Ikea and trade.

And maybe a Decathlon.

She doesn't look particularly cheery about her brilliant funeral plan.

We should name preg's baby! She won't mind, we can register it as 2 Mothers TL. I'm not bringing it home with me though.

Right, so since I have signed up to this advice clinic who wants to provide loving, considered and effective solutions to their cherished patients

I need to get motivated. Get out the horsewhip or whatever you pro-fessionals use.

Motivated for what? Lying down? Just fall to your knees and roll over.

I think the problem is that you can’t hear our advice through your massive frown, it must be constricting your ear canals.

Or your eyes. Stop squinting.

Frown are the deficiencies within yourself? I've often noticed you're not a team player. It's not us it's you, you can learn, be more unpleasant and much lazier.

My sister is eating treacle toffee to cure her hangover.

Can anyone identify this river? Danube or Rhine?

lido I think there was a consensus that thigh's shits are mostly called Ian?

Frown nothing is more motivating than planning a funeral for an enemy.

Dangly there's an article in The Times today about pelvic floor therapy. Could you patent an app? Moneyspinner!

I am now desperate for treacle toffee. Does Thornton’s still exist?

TL Amazon delivers treacle toffee.