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Original poster

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 25/05/2019 22:42

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

OP posts:
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DanglyTassles · 30/05/2019 14:15

(Not sure why some of that post is in bold)

(Must be because I'm a ghost)

(Science Honeyz please give me life with a probe soon)

TopiaryTractorTart · 30/05/2019 14:58

Perhaps DT, you are meant to find Zachary Taylor while you are in your current state, shag him and then the science ones will return to bring you back to the living.

DanglyTassles · 30/05/2019 15:05

(Wooooooooo Woooooooooooooooo)

RagnBoneManFucker · 30/05/2019 15:45

Omg. I'm joining you in the dead immediately Dangly. Look at my advert. That's it, my life is over

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?
DanglyTassles · 30/05/2019 16:11

(Before you do Rag please make sure to take out that policy first)

(You'll be minted when they probe you back to life)

(Wooooo)

MrsCatE · 30/05/2019 16:24

Pooter. BastardCat never made it to this new realm because he continued to sharpen his claws on massive whetstone as I was being kidnapped. He didn't come to my rescue because he's basically, a Bastard.

I'm training up BastardCatv2.0

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 30/05/2019 17:38

Cat where in the name of Lord Thigh are you? You can tell us, we're skint due to being workshy, eating too many snax, rum and crack supplies, plumber visits and waiting patiently for Project to give us our house money.

OP posts:
MrsCatE · 30/05/2019 17:49

🎶 "I'm working my way back to you babe / Thigh" 🎶 F* knows where I am (no visiting mind).

However, developed thirst for plunder, pillaging and subduing local Fuckboys - all without BastardCatv1.0. I am very good at this. They bring me tributes (see attached pic).

I must be other side of equator otherwise you would have sensed the threat of the expansion of my realm and sent Elsa over to calm me down.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 30/05/2019 18:37

Cat I think you are in Goa or Florida, that is my guess. If you're in Florida I'd avoid Tallahassee

OP posts:
Frownette · 30/05/2019 19:19

@DanglyTassles I'm not quite sure I digested what you said.

But I think the basic gist was:

  1. buy slanket (on CC)
  2. piss on slanket
  3. wear slanket
  4. something about a mansion
  5. go on a shag-a-thon

I'll report back. After I get arrested.

nakedscientist · 30/05/2019 19:31

Ok DT I'm going to elongate your telomeres until they are long enough to sustain life,

I'm not trained on the probe, sorry.

Just a little prick .......( ooh err)

nakedscientist · 30/05/2019 19:33

As to the shag alphabet, when we were at FLYZ I could offer L ( for Layth) but I have no Y Sad

DanglyTassles · 30/05/2019 19:44

Heyyyy I'm back in the asylum/prison/holiday camp!

I just felt a little prick! This is super thank you naked I can appreciate why Thigh married you!

Oh how lovely Thigh's left me a fresh batch of sticky toffee pudding down the toilet (at least that's what I think she left) Confused

Frown yes do all of those things and when you get arrested plead insanity and get sent to this asylum! It's fabulous! I rate it 5 stars on Tripadvisor!

NUUUURRSE!!! YOOOO HOOOO IM HOME!!!

thislido · 30/05/2019 20:59

DT so glad to have you back. You suit life much more than death.

DanglyTassles · 30/05/2019 21:04

Thank you this , I didn't mean to die getting whacked up on crack.

Thank goodness for naked's little prick. A lifesaver, literally!

I wonder why the nurse always ignores me, it's as if she thinks I'm a bit bonkers or something?

Mummy0ftwo12 · 30/05/2019 21:05

I'm still lurking with the gin and chocolate and wondering which of you is going to run for Prime Minister?

thislido · 30/05/2019 21:26

Well proj used to be Teresa May but then she wasn’t. I forget why.

Frownette · 30/05/2019 21:27

Awww...DanglyTassles, you are so sort of...erm...effusive...I'll see you shortly off ward hiding from Nurse Rachet. Take your pills.

This is so romantic

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 30/05/2019 21:32

DT you're one of the few people I'm literally pleased is alive Brava! Sorry I killed you, I've never said that before.

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 30/05/2019 21:54

Thank you Thigh you don't know how much that means to me! I know how murderous you usually are! I'm so thlattered you like me to be alive! ❤️

Frown you made it!! Well done! Are you that lady who pulls her pants down whilst singing 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam' ? (no judgement)

Excellent! We can be gay for each other but never visit!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 30/05/2019 21:59

Ahem Hmm I thought you were gay for me? I know you're a whore but c'mon!

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 30/05/2019 22:05

Well I've always been gay for you Thigh but you will keep marrying other people!

I can't even remember one of them's name!! 🙄

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 30/05/2019 22:12

I struggle with that too - one of them was Fermat because I thought she was Naked. Am I married to anyone else?

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 30/05/2019 22:16

Oh yes of course! No I don't think so but I do have a very unreliable memory.

thislido · 30/05/2019 22:38

Where is Fermat? You didn’t murder her did you? We can’t be murdering each other.