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Original poster

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 25/05/2019 22:42

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
47
DanglyTassles · 29/05/2019 20:29

(Oh Thigh I know the injustice . Shall I consider offering up a transcript of Thighland activity so far just to show how active I can be?)

(Or shall i wait until I get my life back via the probe and deal with the fucker myself? )

(Or shall I stay dead and go on one of these 'courses' of how to 'haunt and shizz' YAAAWWWN?)

MrsCatE · 29/05/2019 20:54

DT Can I reanimate you / drag you back to the land of the not Dead? I vaguely remember BastardCat v1.0 became one of the undead at one stage. If he bit you, would it be a reverse improvement and you'd be cured? I need Naked Scientist or any other bugger who can use more than the memory function on a calculator!

MrsCatE · 29/05/2019 21:04

Meanwhile, BastardCatv1.0 is scrabbling down the chimney to get instructions on how to teach twats a lesson. I wouldn't engage with him on a 'diddums level' - DO NOT TRY A CUDDLE - concise directions and he'll knows what to do.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 29/05/2019 22:08

I don't remember why you are dead DT - did I accidentally kill you will the crack? If so, soz and all that.

Maybe you should detox?

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 29/05/2019 22:09

And yes do print off all 14,000 posts of Thighland to show how busy you are! No one will ever call you lazy again. You are my Boswell.

OP posts:
LovelyCocksReg · 29/05/2019 23:11

I can’t believe I spent all those years shagging around and I don’t think I got one Y or Z.

nakedscientist · 29/05/2019 23:12

Hi what's going on?

Been caught up in long, steaming, telomere shortening shiz ( in exchange for money).

I need to relax and snack to the max in Thighland.

MrsCatE · 30/05/2019 02:08

Naked! Your beauteous wife Thigh has been summoning you with her siren call to solve Thighland's complicated shizz and stuff but I can't remember what now because f* me, things do move along at a clip here.

Most importantly, have you shagged anyone with first name initials Y or Z? I promise Thigh won't be angry because it's imperative we finish off the shag alphabet.

DT appears to be in limbo, after a short holiday (sectioned) and I thought I could reanimate her utilising BastardCat who has vampiric tenancies as some sort of reverse improvement strategy. Then got tied up in first step of process flow and head exploded.

P.s I've been reverse kidnapped, am expanding my realm and now training up BastardCatv2.0 (no minor iterations).

Gingernaut · 30/05/2019 02:12

In my miserable state, I went shopping online to cheer myself up.

I think that's worse than drunk shopping tbh. Sorry for the Daily Fail link 😳😳😳

I wait with bated breath for this.

I know. £13 (not including p+p) fora mug. 😳😳😳

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?
Frownette · 30/05/2019 04:33

Honestly, I turn my back for one minute and you're all on about islands and upgrades. May all your BastardCat applications crash if you don't perform your Delphic Oracle/Socrates/Magic fairy duties. Mutters.

My order for today is to sort out my life. Though I've never had a partner with a name beginning with Y or Z so may not be eligible for this offer.

floraloctopus · 30/05/2019 04:44

I am motivated at last to do lesson planning but it's too early for music or the tv Sad

Frownette · 30/05/2019 05:18

Any headphones?

floraloctopus · 30/05/2019 06:23

No..I just turned the volume down while i procrastinated lesson planned.

CarolinePooter · 30/05/2019 07:35

ginger that mug! Would certainly sell well in the more hygienic parts of MN. Not sure what use it is in Thighland, except for sprinkling on our pissy slankets? But that would spoil the homely smell.

CarolinePooter · 30/05/2019 07:37

frown sorting out your life? Getting a slanket and banning visitors is your first step!

CarolinePooter · 30/05/2019 07:39

mrscat how did bastardcat take to island dwelling? Did you have to butter his paws?

CarolinePooter · 30/05/2019 07:40

reg just make some up!

CarolinePooter · 30/05/2019 07:42

naked just snack'n'chill!

CarolinePooter · 30/05/2019 07:44

floral respect!

CarolinePooter · 30/05/2019 07:51

thigh surely the shag alphabet is finished now?

CarolinePooter · 30/05/2019 07:55

dangly yes you would be good at haunting! People could nominate their most horrible exes and you could go and do some woo stuff!

DanglyTassles · 30/05/2019 08:43

(PooterI reckon I could do it in either state, if the science honeyz would only make me alive again with a probe I will show you)

(Thigh yes I died from eating crack but it was enjoyable, I'm considering staying dead just because I don't want to die any other way now)

(But since God won't let me on the Board of Directors, I am bored of floating around in ecstasy now)

(So can someone please just jolt me with a probe?)

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 30/05/2019 11:02

I'm afraid the shag alphabet remains incomplete - Reginald take up shagging again.

Pooter how about taking a couple for the team?

OP posts:
Frownette · 30/05/2019 11:14

Slankets?? I'm going to Dear Deirdre instead. Visitors have long been banned. All their tramply feet and demands for refreshments and for me to be civil!

If you're going to be my loved and respected Oracle I just need a little guidance on love life, CC bill, and what to do for the rest of my life.

DanglyTassles · 30/05/2019 11:36

(It's ok Frown I've got this from a higher perspective)

(Re: Love life - become a whore)

(Re: CC bill - join in our mad money making schemes and move into a wing of *Project's new mansion when the money comes from the sale of her old house, this is what the rest of us are going to do to solve our own hideous debts)

(Re: What to do for the rest of your life - covered above, be a whore and live at Projects house in a pissy slanket)

(Solved)

(Gavel)