Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

That must be the shag alphabet complete then? Although I'm not sure about Zebedee because it wasn't a shag really, perhaps DT could have a look around for Zechariah. It's a shame Gingernaut decided on pampering and sleep rather than sliding down the stairs on a tea tray. I slid down the stairs in a baby bath once and it was a great distraction from my melancholy mood.
I'm glad your job is going well Rag.

I'm afraid the shag alphabet is not complete. We still need an F, Y and Z. That's if we're prepared to accept my sister's Ulrich and Xavier. She says she thinks Xavier was French or pissed.

Preg well done on the Luke, we were struggling there.

I can't accept Zebedee as no penissary contact.

Reginald you're a slut, no 3somes with an Yvonne or Zoe? Think hard! If we were using blank tiles I'd have done it all myself.

Yes. Tell me the answer. Give me guidance. Pronto.

Whoops Reginald I miss shagged you there and forgot your F. So we only need Y and Z.

Frown your main problem is that you haven't been hanging out with us. We're trying to complete a shag alphabet and missing Y and Z, have you got one of those?

I'll give it a bash...ok, Y so Zen?

Closest i can offer is a dutchman called Jan but pronounced 'Yan'.

Oh it's a shag alphabet? Missed that instruction. Ok so Yoni and Zoom (in)?

Is this supposed to solve our problems?

I can vouch for her thriendship and rate it 5* on Trip Advisor.

If I could be bothered I’d create a liaising for Thighland on Tripadvisor.

frownette you sound very frowny.

@thislido you should see my elevens! I work hard for my frown lines

I’d rather see your elevenses. In fact maybe that’s the answer. You’ve got 18 minutes to rustle something up for yourself.

Elevenses served

TripAdvisor!!! Yes! Do it and we'll all add photos and reviews!

I tried setting it up but it wanted me to confirm that it was an actual thing for people to do and I got scared !

frown welcome! The others are a bit giddy recalling their apparently numerous liaisons. I am so old I have drawn a discreet veil over most of my life!

Do you have a good problem for us to solve?

Lovely elevenses. Almost like my granny used to serve. Caroline presumably at your advanced age you serve elevenses?

I seem to remember reading about a fake listing on tripadvisor that went viral. They might have cracked down after that.

we’ll add photos

I suppose the slankets will be ok by the corpses might be a problem.

I can't add to shag alphabet although I did have pervy science teacher called Iain who tried to snog me at the sixth form school disco.

Pictures from my realm to follow. I will teach classes in reverse kidnapping when (if) I get back and if I can be arsed. TBH, I was kidnapped by a Fuckboy so was never in real peril; they're thick as shit.

Me. Water-skiing in my own ocean.

And again

One of my beaches - no visiting, mind.

Aarggghhh

lido your granny sounds lovely! Sadly no 11 o'clock delicacies here, but I do make cups of tea pretty well on the hour all day! Not an addict, oh no.

mrscat surely you'll never want to come home?